Lesson Unlearned
results. There were a lut of cars 1
going by. and I thought about how
little it would take for me to walk
out m front of one of them
She could not tell her mother it
would hurt her too much She
thought about running away, but
she only had $4(M) and didn t know
where she could go or w hat she could
do to support herself and the baby
"I knew 1 had to tell my boyfriend,"
Carla said "When 1 told him. he just
started crying We Ixith cried He
thought abortion was the best
option. He kept mentioning it. but
he said. It s vour decision ‘
“Before, 1 never really thought
about what 1 would do if I were preg
t nant," she said. “1 never thought
about how it would affect my life,
my boyfriend's life or my family 1
had six weeks to make my decision,
but it was already made for me.
“If I had this child. 1 would rum
my boyfriend’s life He was an honor
student, but he would have i|uit
school to marry me What a life we'd
have,” Carla said. “Having the baby
would also emotionally destroy my
mother I could lx* selfish and keep
my baby, or 1 could consider all ot
the other people it would affect I
made the only choice I felt I could
“They give you shots so that it isn't
supposed to hurt, but it does It
hurts in vour gut and it hurts m sour
heart You feel sick You w ant to die I
and you cry 1
■Th«- doctor talked me through the 1
w hole thing, and the nurse held my 1
hand." she said. “Afterward, they i
gave me cookies and juice, and I 5
thought. They're treating me like 1
I'm such a good little girl and I've ■
just aborted my baby
Although Carla s boyfriend went
with her to the dmic and supported her. the> are no
longer together
- He > couldn't take it I can't say that I hlame him,''
she said "He carried a lot ol guilt, and m\ state of mind
didn't help much He needed to try to forgive himself
and have me forgive him. hut 1 couldn't even forgive
myself All I could do was cry about it."
Three wars later. Carla 'till thinks she made the
right choice, but she said she doesn't know if she ever
wants to have children
"1 feel like 1 blew the chance 1 had and don’t deserve
another one 1 don't know Maybe someday I'll lx- able
to think about having a baby and lie happy
swimmer at Carnegie Mellon C
Christine had hoped to make
NCAA nationals during her
senior year, but she was forced to
battle w ith her choices when 'he
discovered she was pregnant.
‘Being pregnant was going to
make my academic goals very dif
ficult and my athletic goals impossible, said ( hristine.
now a graduate student in physics
"1 was afraid that dropping my lifelong dreams for
the sake of the child would make me hate him or her
The father was nervous about the thought of becoming
a father, but was not in favor of aborting a pregnancy
just because it was unexpected."
Seventeen weeks into the pregnancy, Christine and
her partner they are not married, but are a “strong
family unit” — were Uild that the fetus had a rare but
serious stomach defect that could possibly be corrected
w ith surgerv. or could result in blindness, severe brain
and respiraturv damage, and lifelong abdominal pain
“While 1 w as terrified of bringing an unhappy child
into the world and destroying our happiness in the pro
cess. mv tear oi atxirting w nen me cnuacouia ix- nappy
overpowered all our other doubts
('hnstine ■'aid the time months of her pregnancy was
the worst tune of her life
“Physically. pregnancy w as demoralizing; morning
sickness, feeling fat, getting fat. ha\ mg the fetus move
into the space ol all my internal organs, indigestion,
carrying 30 pounds for three months my list ol com
plaints goes on and on," t 'hnstine said “1 could not he
tlie athlete 1 wanted to lx- 1 lost control ol doing what
1 wanted to do with my IxwJy"
And the emotional strain was just as had as the phys
ical discomfort
“Worrying about the health and happiness of some
one you brought into the world was all-consuming for
me." she said "It made me hate the world 1 only saw
the evil, none of the gixxl. and I wondered why anyone
wanted to live 1 have become more active since I had
a child, wondering what his world will lx- like ”
Her son’s birth defect was surgically corrected, and
although ('hnstine opted to keep her child, she said she
is in favor of women having a choice among abortion,
adoption or keeping a child
“Yes. I had a difficult time, and I risked my personal
goals, hut other women don't have the support that I
had," sin- said “Though 1 hated making the decisions
and hated being pregnant, I love my family and moth
erhixxl My child, the father and I are only happy now
because the choice was mine
hile a woman dealing with an
unplanned pregnancy has diffi
cult decisions to make, the man
in the relationship is often
ignored, his feeling shoved aside
as the immediate problem is han
dled From being him when left
out of the decision-making process
to looking for any excuse to escape,
the man's thoughts are not usually
the focus of any counseling ses
sions a couple might go through
’I felt like 1 was being pulled
between Stephanie and my par
ents. said Carnegie Mellon l
junior t 'had. who dated Stephanie
for two vears in high school when
she became pregnant before his
freshman year of college
"1 was sort of frightened about
what had happened, especially
about having sex without contra
ceptives, but we had rationalized
ourselves into thinking it was all
right,’’ he said
They talked with their parents
about their situation, and tiecuuse
neither of them were ready to get
married. Stephanie decided she
would give the baby up for adop
t ion But four months into the preg
nancv, Stephanie decided she
wanted to keep the hahv
"I didn't feel the same," Chad
said "I wanted to support the deci
sion she had made, but 1 let her
know 1 wasn't going to lie commit
ted to her decision I wasn't ready
for marriage and family
They tsith wanted to keep their
relationship, but Chad wanted to
keep it separate and independent
from raising the child
One month before Chad left tor
('Ml . they had a baby boy She and
the baby lived with her parents
" Stephanie1 was unhappy in the
semester that followed." Chad
said "The relationship started to
get tense I lelt that I had caused
enough tension with my parents,
and I w anted jieople around me at
CMCi to know what I had expert
♦ Mut'd. mil I diuii i ijimr nu» iu nn un m i
1 didn't want people to find out b> some other way than
me telling them "
Four months after the baby was born, Chad and
Stephanie broke ofTtheir relationship "I felt like I was
lieing asked to give more than I could give 1 couldn't
handle it anymore.”
Stephanie and the baby, who is now two years old,
recently moved about a mile from ( Ml where
Stephanie attends another college, and she has
announced her engagement to another man Although
thev live in the same town, ('had and Stephanie rarely
see each other because of their busy schedules
"1 enjoy spending time with my son, but I’m not ready
to lie a father right now"
Me -aid he is more comfortable telling others about
what happened, but he knows his experience will affect
his future
('had's advice (brother men in his situation is to “keep
a handle on yourself and who you want to In' lasik at
it from your own perspective ”
“You've got to lie able to live with yourself, got to be
able to look at yourself in the mirror when you wake
up in the morning You have to satisfy what your
own set of values asks of you before you can satisfy any
thing else anyone asks of you ”
\a nits of all sounv.s in this nrtuh■ haw been changed