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Books
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' An\ length of
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* Women ask
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at
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Phone: 343-7654 Men & Women
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Gloria Baker,
Mr Neil, Gina
L
Career Tracks_
Sici e and Jett on the low n
A Shaman’s work is never done
Editor s note The auttu of
this article are star
columnists tram Oregon
Voice maqa.'tno Our attempts
to prod them for thought
provoking hints for making it
m the real world were, as you
\ will notice not taken
seriously by the two kut
wearers
Hey' Steve and Jetf
here with our official
spring supplement arte
r.le on <: areer tracks Career
tracks This title gets cero
kilts
What t ■ ■ ttt • way to get
ideas (i ■ the. arte le that' t<
steal them from r (tier | . opit
We dei sied to tiavi a btu"i
stoiiTiing s, e.u n disguised
as a v, i eki d car b gue Pc
i ause -m.i often you II find
there is ,1 fine line I eteen
plagiarism and inspiration
Due to the unsurprising it
literacy and lack rit ■ reativity
of our guests who were just
looking tor a free lunch, we
were slightly inspired ye!
mostly lulled to sleep by their
ideas
For lack ol other
sources we will list some
of the ideas that we are reluc
t antly claiming as our own
We thought we should
start with the oldest proles
T rumps,
lated
which i'
T rump
this case the
are
V
Sion in the world And
we don t mean farm
ing That s right the
lug P Some bene
tits of this |ob include
good pay lack of
boredom with the
same sexual partner,
no reason to pay tax
es and no morals re
quired
The downside of
this service-oriented
profession lies in the
■results of .1 resent
study which onelud
sd that one third of all
prostitutes had the
HIV virus in their sys
tems In this case the
big A outweighs
the big P resulting
m the tug D
Let s review
P is less than A
equals D
From humps to
we find a re
profession,
as Donald
mistress In
qualifications
4i'
1i Must be an attractive
woman
2) Must have nautical
knowledge o e be able to
hang out on a yacht)
Let Us Help You Put
Some Class In Your
Career Outfit.
I\e oiler attordable de
sipner and other i on
temporan resale i loth
ini’. lit* spei lali/e in
natural libers and
blends [\e bu\ and
trade b\ appointment.
Zouch of Class
Clothing
sy yysy.yy yy./yyr.
I 343-0095 2650 Willamette jj
Put your best face forward!
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OR
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I \
1
3) Must be visible and avail
able for exclusive interviews
with the Star and the Enquirer
4iMust be a good commu
nicator (i.e know when to
keep your mouth shut)
Another one of our guests
inspired us with the following
idea Mistaking himself to be
of wit when he was actually
being a twit, he suggested the
highly chauvinistic idea of be
my a photo negative devel
oper for Playboy magazine
One must wonder why a per
son of his mentality would
want to be alone in a dark
room developing the prints
The one sane idea we
heard all afternoon was the
aspiration to be a shaman
with great magical healing
powers This would be a
great (Ob to have First of all
it would be highly phrlan
thropic and you would have
the cleanest conscience on
earth
Also the magical powers
would come in handy as on
tertainment at weddings
birthdays and bar mitzvahs
And let us not overlook the
benefits of having hundreds
of thousands of people wor
shiping the ground you walk
on
You may ask How can I
become a great magical and
mystical religious leader'5
Anticipating this question, we
have listed an easy patented
five-step method.
1) Get rid of all your pos
sessions but keep one outfit
and a change of underwear
Make sure this Outfit looks
slick, because you and your
hundreds of thousands of fol
lowers will be wearing the
same thing in a few years
2) If anyone pities you or
praises you for your new
I urn to Kills. I’ape 7
^ l