Single?_
Continued from Page 3B
be it from the single person to
halt this habit Right?
In tact you can add your
own personal touch to some
body else s gift o' love Sim
ply step into youi local drug
store's V Day candy aisle, and
with as much composure as
possible, gently push your
right thumb into the center of
every chocolate heart in the
place.
There is no feeling quite
like the crushing of chocolate
Now every one who receives
one of these beauties will be
receiving a. well . a broken
heart1 (It s better that they
should be prepared for when
it really happens, huh9}
On the subiect of candy
why not stop by your nearest
professional confectionery
outlet These stores are
bound to be filled with lovers
waiting in line to buy their
sweets a sweet
It s up to you to ever-so-can
cl idly toss a stink or smoke
bomb in the place Watch that
place evacuate! Now where
will they go? Perhaps the
drugstore for a chocolate
heart Heh heh
More magical candy uses
Try taking in a movie, and with
with a sling shot in hand
bean the back of heads of the
couple making out in front ot
you with those yummy con
versational hearts'
Later, why not pick out only
the tackiest of those same
chalky hearts (foxy lady
say yes.' ' luv ya. or hot
stuf are good bets) and stick
them on happy couples wind
Our Top 10 reasons to get rid
of Valentine’s Day holiday
10 If that Cupid guy keeps shooting all those
arrows around, somebody 's going to get hurt
9 Putting the greeting caret companies out of
business would save a lot of old growth timber
8: Those chalky hearts that say luv Ya don't
taste as good as they used to
7 Because when love’s on the rocks, it ain't no
big surprise
6 Martha Quinn and Bobby Brady got married
now do you feel like celebrating?
5 You can dial the 1 900 Dateline for only S2 50,
24 hours a day
4 Who has the money to blow on this nonsense ’
3: Let's face it Mr. or Ms. Right doesn't exist If
you’re lucky, you'll be able to find a Mr, or Ms
"Simple Prop To Occupy Your Time "
2: If you want to set a course for adventure, your
mind on a new romance, book passage on the Love
Boat and leave us sane people alone
And the Number One reason for putting a stop to
this Valentine's Day madness If the Pope. Donald
Trump and Gov Neil Goldschmidt don't need
anyone, neither do you
Jolie Andrade
L
shields!
So, OK maybe these sue)
gestions seem a bit uncon
ventional. perhaps even juve
mle But it it seems that these
activities are |ust too drastic,
try the old Rosoarme Rem
edy of Oreos, pudding and
marshmallows
One last thing to keep in
mind throughout this day of
hearts and frills There really
is no such thing as the per
fect couple There s this or
gani'ation that plant s its
brainwashed pod people on
the street arm in arm or lip to
lip. |ust to drive the normal,
single lolks around a bit bonk
ers.
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then hncr\ in r/n u'sf, with hue.
/ ■/ A’ h /’i A»/n iiulit
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