Ready for a day o' fun?
Single today? Despair not!
By Mike Freeman
Emerald Contributor
It's Valentines Day The
birds are singing, the (lowers
are blooming, the sweet smell
of perfume wafts through the
air, and lovers rejoice in all
their harmonious splendor
Ain't it enough to make you
wretch?
Now. if it happens that on
this glorious day o' love you
find yourself without an extra
appendage attached to your
hip or clinging to your arm or
using up all the tape on your
answering machine, you
needn't despair Just because
one is single need not mean
Valentine's Day go by ig
nored, though it certainly can
if you prefer
Your friendly neighborhood
Valentine's Day Cynical Sin
gle is here to provide enter
tainment and the ultimate in
satisfaction as you gasp in
horror at the poor souls who
seem to have been bitten by
love lice.
February 14th has forever
been deemed the day for
loved ones to show how much
they appreciate one another
by being extra mushy and
spending hard-earned cash on
all kinds of tokens of affec
tion from pseudo-cute, poly
ester filled, fluffy yellow
stuffed dogs, to The New Kids
on the Block Video Collec
tion
ley, it those aren t blatant
displays of pure, unbridled
passion, I surely do not know
what is1
To get this dazzling day on
a roll, start with fresh bowl of
the ever popular Cheerios
Next, drop a few drops of red
food coloring into the milk
with the cereal and watch the
m Be )
W Mine? /
//
When she sail him, she fell ii stub in her
heart that persons who haie never been dazed
hs love take for a metaphor.
Ahcl Herrrumt
magic begin1
Why. you seem to have
yourself a bowl of lovely, pink
oat rings lending themselves
to the festivities of the day
Stir you Cheerios around in
the pink milk to coat them
well.
Once you have had your fill
of this savory pink bran that is
now perhaps resembling
something regurgitated, emp
ty your leftovers off of the bal
cony or out of a window onto
the heads of the loving couple
strolling obliviously below
and politely state Just wish
mg y'all a happy V Day. all
under a slight snicker
Because it is a great Valeri
tine's Day tradition for loved
ones to present each other
with chocolate or some com
parable noxious inedible, far
Turn to Single?. Page 1 IB
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