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COMMENT AND OPINION
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Students should learn
life’s whys, not hows
By L ynn VavrecK
■ St.ltH Pflfs
Arizona State U
I 111 r , 'I ill Itlli ll\s I*' /hast 1 ho L imn
Imu . u nrktritf for thosr it lio knott it In
Annnv mmis
II - tune tu return to .1 college educa
lion that is a based in the classics
Students should tie studunp' things like
literature Inston ^overnineni. art and
ptnlosoptn not "Reporting 'Home
Ki|inpnient or Social I’swholugv ot
Pla> '
A stmh h\ Jones and Wills 111 Ivm|uiiv
magazine sn^ests 100 thmps even- col
lep'e graduate should know ( Vrtamh. the
hollowing hipdili^hts from their list are
arhiIran hut. then, -o an' our diplomas
if we don't know these subjects
Words. I hei e are some simple senian
and nt course
Hsi'uii Shelley
Shakespeare
It you haven't readsome oi lhose works
already. you'd bettor get cracking
Statistics show that, after commence
ment the average college graduate
reads one Ixxik a year Viur biological
Ixuik diK'k is ticking
Art.( Vrtain work.- nt art should lie rec
agnized immediately Ixiili lor their out
tribution to histon as well as to art
( hot to s "The I .amental inn Donatello >
Da\id Michelangelo > Pity and
Raphaels School ol Athens
Remember Art mutates life
Hut I can just hear evervlxxk saving
"Sure reading Shakos|>eare is OK. hut
it won l get me a job
You're not going to find a want ad for
someone who knows how to quote
Shakespeare \ ertiatun
Hut with a good classic, hher.il arts
(IV l1,111' l 1 I. 1 I ( > ' I
li-|'e .should help
clear up l hi'i'i' -
the difference
hot\scon discrccl
Ni'vor insult a woman l>> say
ing she's sensuous.
can get ins kind of
joh because viiii
understand mil mils
hosv to do things hut
-hould Im- if he is having an illicit love
allair Discrete applies in science and
technology and means separate or
detached like molecule- Confusing
these term- could he terminal to your
love life
I loro - another sensuous and sensual
While fmth adjective- refer to the pleas
mg of the senses, sensuous is t he kind of
pleasure one gets from art or literature
Sensual is the kind of erotic pleasure one
gets from one s discreet loveuflair Never
insult a woman In saying she i- sensu
OllS
Hooks. Remember reading (’haucer s
“('anterbury Tales.” Swift - “(Julhver’s
Travels” or e\en Freud s "Inlroduction to
I’svchoanalvsis'"’ All classics with
lessons to teach
Poetry Poetry is a hit more difficult
since it is written in a style unfamiliar
to most Regardless, every graduate
should read Milton’s “A Paradise lsist
Pope's An Kssay on Man and other
works by the great poets including
People say lh.it a business major can
go right out and get a job m 'ales or hank
ingor finance Hut so can a history major
The onK difference is the hislon major
has a sense ofu eltanschdliUHii that’s
a world \ lew. for those of \ou m the husi
lie.-.' college
The history major knows win things
go the way they do Un-ause he has taken
time to review the patterns of life not
just review t he How charts oft he Fortune
>oo companies
The classics never change and that is
one reason win they are so crucial to
stud> Historv gives us hope and
through studying the art. literature phi
losophy and events of a different tune
we are better able to make a difference
in our ow n time
We should !>e challenging ourselves to
learn all w e can while in college about
everything we can We can develop job
'kills along the way
After all. it is always those who know
how working for those who know win
Confessions of
the most hated
man on campus
By Dale Chapman
■ New university
U of California, Irvine
I'm I he gus s ou d most like to st rangle
maim, disfigure and then run over
Forget a I Mint the professors, administr a
tors and umsersits stall you think you
hate I'm the one you reallv hate and you
know it
Alter work me as a park mg “rep" at I he
1' off 'alil'ornia. Imne, last year I know
what you think about the dreaded force
known here smipls as PAKKINtl Fsen
ms friends call me every name in the
IMMik. and then ask for forgiveness and
il I can take care of their multitudes ol
tickets
No was Jose I work for parking now
Ms first das. I went \s it h a veteran w ho
ease me the follow iup advice
■ “Watch the cars that pass b\ and hi
sure not stand too close Last month
.Vines was spit on
■ "You \ e got to mov e last When t hose
violators see you putting a ticket on t hen
w indshields, tiles re not happy campers
So hit and run Sting like a bee. float like
a hutterlls
■ 'Above all keepcool \\ hen tiles start
screaming obscenities at you, |ust go
about your business llthes comeat sou
like tiles re going to lilt sou. |tist kes tin
mike on sour radio and hopefulls some
one can help sou belore sou lose con
M'lOlls I ICS"
For the last year, these words have
proven aim- Although I haven't been
.-■pH on I have had a lew worthy expert
ences I lie liist occurred when tom
extremely large muscle-men walked
toward some cars I just cited File
biggest one veiled “Hey you parking
void tins ticket
Alter I replied "Sorry, no can do In
ran over and hit my ticket book and sent
it living across the parking lot I ended
tiji hiding in the nearest building vv alch
mg him burn ruhtieraround the lot three
times Indore he screeched aw ay in a ha/.e
ol smoke
Another t ime I spotted a carol) the ath
letic track I heard some guv veil. "Hev
dirt bag, get a real job and leave us
alone Know mg he could throw a discus
through mv window I decided to give
him a vvarning
I he most interesting incident
occurred recently I noticed a vehicle
with a car cover over it and I thought I
had a violator lor sure I lilted the covei
just enough to see d a permit was dan
gling from the rearview mirror and
heard a Doors song emanating from the
car
I hulking this was the strangest auto
alarm I d ever encountered. I pulled the
cover oil all the way whereby I saw
numerous empty beer cans, smoke
clouds billowing out of the windows, and
a stark naked couple entangled in what
had to lie an added position for one of
those sex manuals
immediately, the guy reached for his
permit and said. “Here's my permit sir.
please don't ticket me "