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A fan's complaint
Without football beer doesn't taste the same
By Nathan Deer
Emerald Contributor
The strike is not over, but football is back
on TV At least a version of pro football is
back. But to the true football addict, second
rate pro football is better than none.
"No, It s not the real thing." said Ben
Whistler, a graduate student in business, "but
it's lietter than nothing In fact. I sort of like
watching the scrubs But I don't think I'll care
to watch week after week."
Whistler's friend, sophomore Steve Har
ris. said that one of the good things about not
having "real football” to watch is that he gets
more done during the weekends.
"I used to sit around and watch football
for four or five hours every Sunday." he said.
"This last weekend I tuned in for a few
minutes, then decided to go out and get a little
exercise I invited some friends over and we
had our own foott>all game It was fun. I'm
thinking about doing that next weekend, too "
It's not only football fans who see a silver
lining in the dark cloud called the National
Footliall 1-eague strike Mary Clarke, a part
time anthropology student, said that now foot
hall isn't dominating the airwaves during the
weekend, she has more of her husband's
attention.
"Sometimes I'd watch the games with
him." she said, "but I'm just not so interested
in sitting on a couch watching a game for
hours. This last weekend we spent a lot more
time together. We even had time for a movie
and dinner. His only complaint, though, is the
money we spent. One thing about watching
football is that it's cheaper."
"Well." she added, "maybe it would be
cheaper if he didn't have to drink so much beer
while watching the games."
What does all this mean? Are people go
ing to suddenly discover how beautiful life is
sans football?
Kilter Irv and |oe Simpson.
The brothers, who weren't really sure of
their class standing or even their majors, said
they have undergone seven- depression since
the players went on strike.
"The games Sunday were just a big joke,”
said Irv. "That wasn't football. I watched the
games for a few minutes until it made me sick
My high school team played lietter."
Joe's sentiments were the same.
"It's not real football.” he said "It's
depressing. In fact. I've been undergoing a
serious bout of depression 1 live for footliall.
Football is my meat and drink These last few
weeks were like going on a starvation diet I'm
starting to get dizzy and nauseous If I see
another scab game I think I just might vomit."
What's even worse, Irv and Joe have a
psychological interdependence with football
and beer. Since the strike, the brothers haven't
had the same kind of thirst for their favorite
beverage.
"1 don't even want to drink beer." Joe
said. "It's not the same without footliall. I
mean, what am I going to do while I'm drink
ing my brew? Am I going to have to resort to
college football? Or even worse, baseball?
"1 only like to drink beer when I'm wat
ching footliall or eating pizza." Irv concurred
"I've been eating a lot of pizza lately."
Things look grim for the Simpson
brothers The football strike may well last
weeks. The brothers are getting desperate.
"In another week or so I'll start going
crazy," Irv said
"It's like having cabin fever," joe said.
"You start seeing things; thinking weird
thoughts You're liable to do things you or
dinarily wouldn't do."
The brothers are even considering a trip to
Canada to get a glimpse of Canadian football.
"At least it's professional football," Joe
said "It's not as good as American pro ball,
but it's the next best thing Only thing, I'm not
even sure where the closest city with a football
team is located. I mean, don't they have one in
Vancouver?
Can't the brothers ~ football fiends they
are — make do with college football? What
about the Ducks?
"In all due respect." joe said, "I'd rather
(iraphii by I orrninc K*th
not answer that question. It’s like asking so
meone used to a diet of filet mignon to con
sider dining on hash It’s filling, it's even
healthy, but it’s just not the same."
So what are the Simpson brothers and
other football fanatics going to do if the strike
continues?
"I don’t know." Joe said. "Maybe I’ll start
a pru football anonymous club We ll go to
meetings and relive the good old days. It’s just
not fair, this strike Why don't the players
strike for something important, like free bear
after games, shorter skirts for cheerleaders?
"I mean, who really cams about free agen
cy? In this life, no one's really free anyway.
You’d think guys with college educations
well, almost college educations — would
know that already."
Apparently not. loe In the meantime,
keep eating your pizza and drinking your beer
Knot hall, of the professional variety, will
someday return
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