"sY’SNEVI^ORjnilZzT
FMU ocuvmv AND STOIW
TANK OUT COUPON
Coupon good Fiiday-Sunday
$1.50 OFF S'.SE'iS
PLUS 2 FREE LARGE SOFT DRINKS
STORE HOURS
11:S0 WMdwtght
|R n ■ ri ■ i _
* no«y
3:30pm MldnHRI
Saturday and Sunday
DELIVERY HOURS
Spin
Monday Sunday
1211 Aldar on Campus • 686-0S08
Coupon good through Fob. 15
■■■■■■■■■■■a
i
24” X 36”
COPIES
7 DAYS A WEEK
OPEN 24 HOURS
Ueprtits
— Artwork and much more
Maps —i Bli
$60 E.
1 3 t
3 ?4
• T 8
9 4
—DO Bookstore—■
You can’t beat our
low, low photo prices
Film & Photo Processing
Giuvuudeed
Lowest Prices
We’ll match or boat the price of
any local photo coupon.
One Day Service
In by 4 p.m. — back by NOON the
next day (C41 color print film).
Enlargements,
Reprints & Slides
Great service and prices in your
full service Photo Dept.
Your full service Photo Dept.
Send a Valentine portrait!
uo
BOOKSTORE
13th & Kincaid
M F 7 30 5 30
SAT 10 00 4 00
M64331
Coupons in the Emerald save you money. 1
| Check every page, every day. It pays. |
fc—'mm—mm*
Page HA
1
When £m Hlb Ijou Hand
Courtship abuse takes its toil
in jealous, violent relationships
By Karan Engels
Of tfc* ImnM
“Sarah” fell head-over-heels when she
first met him. He was a gentleman and real
ly seemed to need her warmth and
attention.
Now. eight months later, things have
changed. The relationship is far from ideal.
Violence and jealousy have surfaced leav
ing Sarah feeling trapped, always hoping
that he’ll change.
Sarah is a non-existent woman who is a
very real representative of other women in
very real situations.
Courtship violence — slaps, beating and
verbal abuse — affect at least two of 10 col
lege students, according to a recently
released national study. Most college of
ficials knew of only one to 10 incidents of
such violence on their campuses, found
researcher Rosemary Bogal-Albritton, an
associate professor of social work at Mur
ray State University in Kentucky.
The numbers actually are probably much
higher, according to University campus
security officer A.A. Norman, who said
that many violent episodes in dating rela
tionships go unreported for fear of hurting
the other person, causing embarrassment
to self, guilt feelings about the violence or
because of low self-esteem.
Norman, who works in the area of date
rape awareness, said that 10 times more
violent acts are committed than are
reported.
A typical courtship-abuse situation
begins with an obsessive need to control
the partner in the relationship, said Lois
McClellan, a Eugene counselor. Outbursts
of jealousy and manipulative behavior
often are misinterpreted as love, she said.
The woman often sees the man in the
relationship as needing her to help him
emotionally and to nurture him, McClellan
said.
He tends to be “emotionally inaccessi
ble," said Susan Fjerkenstad, the coor
dinator of a “Women Who Love Too
Much" no-cost support group that meets at
the Koinonia Center, 1414 Kincaid St.,
each Tuesday from noon to 1 p.m.
"Women are still expected to take care of
a man's physical and emotional needs
while men are conditioned to react in a
'manly' way, with anger," McClellan said.
People in abusive relationships are
"emotionally addicted,” Fjerkenstad said,
which leads them to believe that bizarre
and abusive behavior is normal.
All might appear fine in the first stages
of an abusive relationship, McClellan said.
Both individuals are on their best behavior,
wanting to be appealing to the other, she
said, but things gradually change as the
man or woman becomes more demanding
or non-communicating.
Verbal abuse, slaps or pushing begins,
and violence sometimes increases in
severity and frequency, at times with chok
ing or even assaults with weapons. Mc
Clellan said.
About one-third of the abuse situations
F)erkenstad deals with involve physical
assaults. The ma)ority deal with verbal
assaults, put downs and other forms of
abuse, which reduce feelings of self-worth,
she said.
Surprisingly enough, 20 to 40 percent of
couples remain together after violence,
Bogal-Albritten estimated.
Why don’t individuals leave abusive
relationships?
Many complex reasons including fear
and guilt keep a person in an abusive situa
tion, McClellan said.
The victim usually has a low self-esteem
in his or her perceived inability to make
the other person happy, area counselors
said.
This, coupled with the abuser’s affirma
tions of the victim’s lack of worth creates a
vicious circle. McClellan said.
“Dependency is a key problem in these
relationships,’’ she said. “Feeling low self
worth, they both become emotionally
dependent on each other and are caught in
a circle of their own making.’’
Counselors said that people are often
afraid to leave these situations even though
they know it would be in their best
interest.
“There’s this idea that women are sup
posed to hang in there and try harder to
hold it all together,’’ said McClellan. Both
dating and marriage situations are very
similar in this respect, she said.
“The woman takes on the caretaker or
fixer role,” echoed Fjerkenstad.
A tendency in victims is to not seek help
until the situation becomes unbearable,
counselors said.
McClellan noted that women who come
to shelters such as Womenspace already
have been in an abusive situation from one
to 30 years.
Many of these women have learned that
silence is a way to avoid conflicts with
their partners and have become numb, fur
ther hindering them from seeking help,
Fjerkenstad said.
"The problem has really come out in the
last few years,” said Charlie Nixon, direc
tor of the University Crisis Center.
“Women have begun speaking out.”
I
Fjerkenstad believes that increased
awareness partially has come about
because of “Women Who Love Too
Much,’’ a best-selling book that many
women have read and say, “This is me!”
Both the problem and the solution seem
to be embodied in one word, counselors
say: communication.
Society teaches us attitudes about men
and women that aren’t conducive to com
munication between the sexes. McClellan
said. Books, television, magazines and
songs are erroneous on the subject, she
said.
When young, men are not encouraged to
Graphic by Lorraine Rath
show their feelings, but instead are en
couraged to show aggressiveness while
women are prompted to be very verbal
with their feelings, passive and non
confrontational, McClellan said. Needless
to say, these two lines of thinking come in
to conflict, often leading to courtship
abuse, and later, possible spouse and child
abuse, she said.
Many couples in abuse situations come
from communication-deficient families or
from abusive homes and have continued
this cycle in their lives. Fjerkenstad said.
Changing the cycle is a slow process but
Turn to Courtship, Page 9A
,—emu
One way to get
real Mexican food
The other way:
Mexican food bar
Fountain Court Cafe
TAN
10 visits
$25
The look you want
when you want it,
Sun^hower
on campus
48S 2323 • S74 E 13Mi
UptUtrt by Kmkp s
For a Heartfelt Arrangement
ORCHIDS, ORCHIDS, ORCHIDS
Q?ase Gardens
Greer}^otJse3a!es
• Arrangements
• Corsages
• Stems
• Miniatures
• Plants
From
*4.95
Kmsrow & Centennial
(across the footbridge
at gate 3. AuUen Stadium
Mon Sat 9 30 5 30
Sun 12 00 5 30
345-3283
ALL
ATOMIC
AND
OLIN SKIS
40% OFF
BqjqV /hi /hop
'31h K l.iwrcnrr • 683 >300
“MIR TODtfT
Haircut *12.95
Includes 5hampoo, Conditioning and Precision Cut
Special Sale Days
Monday and Thursday \
- *10-95 m
100% satisfaction guaranteed
561 C. 15th (acroM from Max's)
Open Saturdays
485-4422
Free Parking
ANNOUNCING
A Balfour House
Sportswear-Jewelry-Party Favors
now has a University of Oregon representative
Christopher Piper
of Kappa Sigma
<<
call for your appointment now.
687-9127
Anderson’s Ski Sale
Savings of 20-30 % OFF!
Ski Wear including:
• All Men’s & Women’s
Sweaters 20% OFF
Wide Selection of
Skis, Boots, Bin
dings, Poles and
Ski Hardware on
Sale.
All Men’s & Women’s Jackets
including Roffe, Serac, Tyrolia,
White Stag, Mountain Goat <CUa3U /O OFF
• All Men’s & Women’s Ski Pants and Bibs
including Serac, Tyrolia, Roffe, ono/
White Stag, North Face ^U"3U /O OFF
• Men’s & Women’s Ski Suits 20-30% OFF
• All Goretex shells 20% OFF
HARVEY
FOX’S
ANDERSON’S
SPORTING GOODS
SALEM • ALBANY • CORVALLIS • EUGENE
199 W. 8th, Eugene 484-7344