“All the News
Thats News to Us"
Greg on Free Yres s
WEATHER:
Blue skies, forever.
vC' 1985,The Blitz-Weinhard Brewing Co., Portland, OR
A DATE TO REMEMBER
FREE FOR ALL
MEMBERS OF THE OREGON BEER FORCE yesterday at vic
tory barbecue in Siskiyou. Walty Kolls (L) and Floyd Famham
*
(r.) both were actors in the border drama. Famham, a veteran
of foreign wars, left the scene earty-“to get the coals started!'
EMUS BIN
HIGH IN SISKIYOU
An eyewitness account
Flem Snopes lives in Siskiyou.
He was an eyewitness to the
events there yesterday.
“It was the most amazin' sight
I ever saw. The trucks come roll
in' right across the border-like
there weren’t no border there
a’tall-and they come rollin'
through like they owned the
place. Roarin’ and grindin' their
gears and tearin' up the road—
an Oregon road paid for with
Oregon taxes.
“Then I saw they was slowin'
down. Then I saw ’em come to a
stop. And then I saw the Beer
Force. They was a magnificent
sight, in their uniforms, facin'
down those trucks. ■
“An officer of the Beer Force
he went up to the first truck and
said in a loud voice: WELL NOW
WHERE YOU FELLAS COIN*
WITH ALL THAT BEER?’ The
tnicks knew they was licked. So
they just turned around and
slinked away with their tails
lx-tween their legs, as it were.
"Then the Beer Force fellas
sent up a HURRAH, and the citi
zens come pourin’ into the streets.
You never seen such rejoicin’The
women were kissin’ the Beer
Force fellas and givin' them
flowers, the hoys were runnin’
around with Beer Force caps on
and T-shirts. Everybody was
cryin’-even the men. I haven't
seen the like of it since WWH.
"The Mayor he made a speech,
and then all the'Beer Force went
over to the tavern to celebrate
and drink themselves some pure
brewed Oregon beer-Blitz, I
mean."
Recruiting Depots Report
Record Numbers
hi uit* snun ume since 115
founding, the ranks of the
Oregon Beer Force have swelled.
Recruiting depots statewide-in
taverns, restaurants and groceries
-are reporting record numbers of
applicants.
One recruiting officer, FYank
E. Burnham, proprietor of a pop
ular Bar & Grill, reports it this
way: 'They’re knocking down the
doors. W? process hundreds of
applications a day. I administer
the pledge myself. I'm hoarse
from it. I said.i’m hoarse from it'"
The story is much the same
all over Oregon. This reporter
has spent many hours in recruit
ing depots, and witnessed at first
hand the number, and enthusi
asm, of the new' recruits. One
hears everywhere the resonant
strains of the Beer Force pledge:
"I promise, on my honor, to hold
HOWTO
JOINTHE
OREGON
FORCE
Recruiting poster.
the ljeer Here above all others...
lb join the Oregon Beer Fbrce in
ridding these green hills of foreign
malt beverages of any kind ...I
promise to drink only Oregon's
finest beer...brewed with costly
Cascade hops...and the pure
Cascade mountain water of Ore
gon. my Oregon"
It is a moving ceremony, and
is invariably concluded with the
drinking of the Beer Force's
official brew-Blitz.
OBF Uniform Approved
Anthem Rivalry Rages
In its most decisive meeting
to date, the ()regon Beer Force last
night voted upon uniforms, the
OBF anthem, secret handshake,
and distress signal.
The Beer Force approved
overwhelmingly the proposed
uniform: a smart khaki T-shirt set
off by a camouflage hat.
The anthem controversy con
tinued unabated. (PngeS.)
The approved OBF hand
shake and distress signal are
secret. F\>r that reason, this
reporter cannot provide a written
account of them. He will say, how
ever, that both are peculiarly fas
cinating and fun to do. He suggests
if anyone should care to know
more, he or she should join the
OBF. It doesn’t take long, and most
recruiting depots stay open late.
(Just walk in and ask for a "Blitz.”
They'll know.)
THIS IS THE HAT adopted for
wear by the OBF.
1b receiie the official OBF
hat, members should send a
checkor money order for $5.95
to: OBF HAT, Quartermaster,
Blitz Weinha rd Breuery 1133
Hfcsf Bu niside Street, Portia nd,
OR 97209. The OBF wishes to
state that ONE SIZE FITS.ALL
-which is meant to be no re
flection on its members.
*
*
*
Oregon Beer Force
secures border
In a series of decisive actions this week, the Oregon Beer Force has
gained new ground in its campaign to stem the tide of foreign beers flow
ing into Oregon.
In the most recent incident, members of the Oregon Beer Force at
Siskiyou yesterday turned away a convoy of out-of-state beer trucks.
Reinforced by divisions from Pinehurst and Keno and Klamath Fklls. the
ijrrri ruiv.tr aiopptnj me convoy
just inside the Oregon border on
Interstate 5.
Beer Force troops took up
positions along both sides of the
highway. Once the trucks came
into sight, the Beer Force moved
in-effectively closing the route
into Oregon. Officers of the Beer
Force approached the stopped
trucks.
According to one Beer Force
noncommissioned officer “They
went up to the trucks, and asked
them very politely: ‘Well now,
where you fellas goin' with all
that beer?1 It was a mess," he
added. “All those trucks high
tailin'it out of there!*
Thiffic was reportedly
snarled along Interstate 5 for sev
eral hours yesterday afternoon.
The confrontation was otherwise
peaceful.
Afterwards. Beer Force
members were jubilant One un
identified member declared, “We
won. We whupped 'em. We sent
'em clear back to St Louis,
Milwaukee” (EDITOR’S NOTE:
St Louis is in Missouri, not
Milwaukee.)
This was only the latest in a
series of actions by the Oregon
Beer Force to achieve its aim of
ridding Oregon of what it calls
the tyranny of the Beer Fhom
There.” These actions have
ranged from boycotts to demon
strations to halting trucks at the
border, as at Siskiyou.
The Oregon Beer Force was
formed expressly to stop the flood
into Oregon of “foreign beers!*
The Beer Force defines as "for
eign" any beer that is "not made
in Oregon, not made with the
finest natural ingredients, not
brewed with the finest Cascade
hops, not brewed with the spar
kling pure mountain water of
Oregon"
So far, the Beer Fbrce’s suc
cesses have been impressive.
Continued on Page 4, Column 5
of troops in Oregon.
EDITORIAL
The Beer Here
Hear! Hear!
The brave actions of the
Oregon Beer Force have given
Oregonians reason to stand
tall again. Their dauntless re
sistance to the tyranny of Big
Beer has made us ail feel
prouder. Stronger. And better.
Just when we despaired
of ever ridding ourselves of
the domination of the Beer
Fh>m There, the Oregon Beer
Force arose, phoenix-like,
from the ashcan of our hopes.
And none too soon. Who
would, like Hamlet, fardels
bear? Oregon shall not. Not
for long.
As if Oregon cannot brew
her own beer! We hardly bring
ourselves to compare their
beer with the Beer Here. They
are content to sell their beer
whatever its content- but
they are not from Oregon.
They brew their beer with
water from we know not
where-but they are not from
Oregon. They spend as much
on advertising as we do on
educating our children-but
they are not from Oregon.
We support the Oregon
Beer Fbrce in their struggle to
throw off the yoke of foreign
oppression. We urge all Ore
gonians to take part in the
Great Crusade. If you are not
yet a member of the Oregon
Beer Force, enlist today.
Oregon calls upon you.
Nature is on our side.
Tbgether, we cannot fail.