SOAPSUDS
Our LUm, on the new soap.
Rituals Wonder what will hap
pen when these two villains get
together? Actually. In real life,
two nicer people never existed
... Lots of Loving: Patty Lotz,
who plays construction worker
Ava on Loving, really was a
construction worker two years
ago, building houses with her
brother-in-law ... Michael Da
mian, who plays Danny on the
hot Young & Restless says a guy
feels just as dumb when a girl
turns down an invitation to
dance as a girl probably feels
when she doesn't get asked In
the first place. Michael, who
digs going to clubs and looking
at the beautiful women, says he
usually has a comeback when
he gets turned down. "1 say,
Oh, I don’t dance. I fust warn
ed to know if you did.’ " And
the beat goes on.
SlU \KI\< , t »[ M* *\ II S
There are about nine million movies in the
making (a slight exaggeration, perhaps),
some for release around Christmas 85, and
here goes with a list of sons. Fast Forward,
directed by Sidney Poitier, is the story of 8
young kids from Ohio who go to New York
to be dancers, and the rest is history (and
herstory). Franc Roddam of Quadropbenia
has taken on a project starring Jeannifer Beals
and Sting. Called The Bride, it's a re-telling
but not a re-make, erf the Bride of Franken
stein Although it's not a rode movie, it will
have music, but it still isn't for sure that Sting
will participate in that end. Sting was also in
Quadropbenia, a my-t-fine British rock film
of a few years past White Knight, starring
Mikhail Baryshnikov and Gregory Hines (al
right!) along with Ingrid Bergman’s daughter
Isabella Rossellini, is helmed by Taylor (An
Officer and a Gentleman) Hackford and isn't
a dance movie, a musical or a comedy. (Okay,
that’s fine with us.) The success of Purple
3AMMAUMS0N
I---7
From Uttto Houm on tho Pralrio to Big
Scroondom: Molina Qllbort, onco TV%
favortto pionoor wort, polo with lovablo
roguo Richard Fomoworth In Sytvostor.
Ram from Prince has given birth to five more such projects. One will be a second feature
starring Prince, and Maurice White of Earth, Wind & Fire and Ray Parker will be featured
in two more.
Since there really are almost nine million movies in production, let's take a shorter form
and see if we can't turn you on to what to expea from your neighborhood screens. The
following are in production: Sylvester (working title), starring Melissa Gilbert (film debut) and
Richard Farnsworth — an old rodeo horse is retrained for Olympics '88.. Big Trouble, star
ring those famous in-laws (out-laws?) Peter Falk and Alan Arkin, also Beverly D'Angelo and
John Cassavetes ... The Mean Season, with Kurt Russell and Mariel Hemingway ... Eddie
Murphy as Beverly HiUs Cop (the movie Sylvester Stallone was too tantrum-prone to make)...
Timothy Hutton's latest, Turk 182 .., Mask starring Cher and Sam Ell ion ... Ray Sharkey and
Marjoe Gortner in Hell Hole ... Ridley Scon’s very secretive Legend with Tom Cruise ... Oz,
via Disney, not an animated feature and not a re-make or a re-telling, another of the adven
tures from the Oz books ... Jodie Foster and John Lithgow in Mesmerized .. Silver Bullet
from shockathon scribe Stephen King, not to mention his Cat's Eye ... Steven Guttenberg in
Cocoon ... Enemy Mine starring Dennis Quaki and Lou Gossett Jr.... Sylvester Stallone’s First
Blood II (second blood? Oh, never mind) ... The Howling It, Police Academy II, Electric
Boogaloo Is Breaktn' II (with Shabba Doo and Boogaloo Shrimp, who else?), Porky's Revenge
and Meatballs III... Gary Busey in Insignificance ... Turtle Diary with Ben Kingsley and
Glenda Jackson .,. G Thomas Howell in Secret Admirer... Miracles, starring Tom Conti, Terri
Garr and Paul Rodriguez ... Richard Pryor in Brewster's Millions ... Two famous ftetional
characters coming to the screen are Chevy Chase as that very strange "detective" Fleicb, and
Btrdy, starring Nicholas Cage and Mathew Mondine ... Tatum O’Neal and Irene Cara are
working together in A Certain Fury, one of many flicks being shot in Vancouver, B.C., as are
Sissy Spacek and Kevin Kline in Violets Are Blue, which was lensed in sumptuous Venice, Italy,
and Kathleen Quinlan and Sam Waterston in Biohazard
n
uti
BY JACK HANDEY
I bet one of the mam rules of hunting is. "Don’t shoot any
animal that is hitching a piggyback ripe on your friend"
Hare s a good mage trek Ask somebody to pek a num
ber between one and ten Then, run away
I guess of ail my uncles, I liked Uncle Cave Man the best
He called him uncle Cave Man because he Irved m a cave,
and because sometimes he'd eat one of us. Later on we
found out he was a bear
Greed, Hypocrisy and Stupidity were all walking down the
road when they came to a beautiful forest
’Oh. boy.“ said Greed, 7 think /-“
All of a sudden. Murder ran up and shot all ot them.
The place was teeming with fish. And I was teaming with
desire to catch them But there would be no fishing today
This was Pop Teeming's property
I hope that someday man is able to realize his age-old
dream of farming on a comet, because ummm, i bet comet
corn would be good
D
onl laugh, but / used to be real afraid of trams, but I thmk
rm finally over it For mstance. I was afraid of taking a nap
on the railroad tracks, and! was afraid to hop on the
locomotive as it went by l was even afraid of tying pillows
around myself and letting the train hit me
I'm glad this fear of trams is behind me. because now I
can get on with my life
It I was a surfer, id surf right up next to another surfer and
go, "Hey, man. how's the surP" vVe would both already
know how the surf was. but my saying it would be like a
bond between us surfers
I bet what happened was. they discovered fire and in
vented the wheel on the same day Then, that night, they
burned the wheel
Ma
larta said she once kissed the ring of the bishop That's
nothing," I said "Once I kissed the ass of a millionaire"
Sometimes Marta thinks she's so smart
Innocence is like a young deer, nibbling at some acorns
your kid walks up to feed him, but suddenly, the deer grabs
your kid by the neck of his Superman shirt and drags him
off into the woods You chase after them, but then a gang
of deer comes out. They flap those big deer ears across
your face, and man, it stings I
So, you give up and go back to your car, and hope your
kid is raised by a nice deer family. About a year later, you
hear some hunters bragging about shooting a Superman
deer, but naw, it's not him.