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opinion _
Facts of life not like fantasies
Some things are just better left alone — un
said, undone and even unheard of. They can
never live up to expectations — especially regar
ding affairs of the heart.
The first blow to my dreams came at the
tender age of 16. The mere thought of holding
hands with a select member of the opposite sex
was tantalizing. Then came that first movie date.
There is little worse than sweaty hands — except
holding someone else's sweaty hand.
editor's note
brenda thornton
I always thought walking with a love in the
light spring rain would be so romantic. A fan of
old musicals, I would sigh when Gene Kelly danc
ed his way through the gutters and puddles.
Then I moved to Eugene. The reality of trudg
ing everywhere drenched to the skin knocked
that notion out of my head. I know better now.
There's little charming about wet socks, soaking
hair and the sniffles. Still, my fantasy endured un
til a rainy day this spring when someone told me I
looked like a drowned rat. Thanks a whole lot,
Gene.
Along the same line, a recently married friend
confided that showering with a partner isn't all it's
reported to be.
"You drop the soap and you have to figure
out how you're going to pick it up with finesse,"
she lamented. "Lately when my husband suggests
a shower I tell him to go on, I'll be right in."
Maybe that's how to know when the honey
moon's over.
Then there's the ocean scene in From Here To
Eternity. The pound of the surf, the couple ent
wined so no one can tell whose limbs belong to
whom, the unbridled passion. Someone forgot to
tell the director that sand mixed with friction
hurts. And wet sand between bodies can cause
severe pain as opposed to passion. Or so a
California friend told me.
Hot tubs and saunas aren't much better. Sure,
they soothe tired muscles for the first 15 minutes.
After that you simply perspire to the point of
dehydration. I don't know anyone who looks at
tractive sweating like a pig.
Unfortunately, saunas aren't the only places
to determine how swinish your companion can
be. Sharing cookies, candy bars and other delec
tables is an unpleasant experience at best when
your portion turns out to be one bite — con
sistently. That's it — always just one small bite and
the rest disappears before you even swallow. A
loaf of bread, a jug of wine and thou is fine — if
thou isn't famished.
Perhaps the fault lies not with romantic
niceties but with me. I'm not big on mush; I just
don't get ga ga when I fall in love. In general,
public displays of affection — PDA — aren't my
style. In fact, I always feel slightly nauseated when
I happen across couples mugging one another in
public. As my little brother says, "That's
'sgusting."
Still, I am curious. How do they do it? How do
they kiss and walk at the same time without chip
ping their teeth?
Ah, the great mysteries of love.
Brenda Thornton is the Emerald's assistant news
editor.
letters
Deserved praise
I am writing this letter to draw
deserved attention to the ac
complishments of ASUO Presi
dent, Mary Hotchkiss.
Hotchkiss has brought caring,
responsive, and involved leader
ship to the University. She has
led a stalwart campaign for
higher education, fighting on
behalf of the rest of us students
who could only muster enough
courage and energy to verbally
support her efforts to stop fur
ther budget cuts. She has taken
unequivocal stands on blatant
sexism (e.g., the EMU's tribute
to posterity) and bigotry at the
University. She has restored the
presidency of the ASUO to a
respectable position among the
University’s administration, and
established an open and friend
ly dialogue with Pres. Paul
Olum. And, as a vanguard of
questioning authority, she has
restored vitality and interest in
many an apathetic student who
would rather bury his or her
head in the sand than think or
question.
Some may not agree with Hot
chkiss' politics. No wonder: she
has shaken up the tradition of
the good old boys here at the
University. It is easy to take the
accomplishments of Hotchkiss
for granted. After all, the
University has not trickled
down the drain; the College
Republicans and GALA are still
receiving their 10 cents from
every student (albeit, the
Students for Bestiality are not —
not enough sheep in the flock, I
guess); and the sign in the EMU
remains unchanged, though we
can no longer pass by it in ig
norance of its sexist
implications.
And to Julie Davis, may you
continue in the honorable tradi
tion of Mary Hotchkiss.
Melissa Mentzer
graduate, English
Tke Little Ocean
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