Sound bits of advice
from a hasn’t yet been
Brooks Dareff
Of the Emerald
If you re like me, you'll make a career out of
looking for a job.
The seven year itch, that's what I've got.
Seven years after a bachelor's, two years after a
master's, I'm writing for the Emerald — again.
Think the economy is picking up? Guess
again. It's election time folks, which means the
powers-that-be pull strings to make the
economy look good, then come November it
will look about as perky as an old bloodhound
that's been loitering on the porch all summer.
reporters notebook
brooks dareff
Don't make the mistakes I've made. Don't
bother sending out scores of resumes no one
ever reads, wringing your hands over a future
that never materializes, and humiliating yourself
in a two-bit suit before entrepeneurs who never
want to see you or your sweaty palms again.
Instead, make the best of a bad situation;
get food stamps, collect unemployment, drink
Blitz and wait for the second coming of John
Paul Getty. Or better yet, save the hassle and
your innocence and move home. But first, read
on.
THE GRADUATE’S GUIDE
TO LIVING AT HOME
There are certain concessions and demands
you'll have to make if this is going to work.
Here are some of the most important.
Concessions:
•Wash the dishes at least once a week. The
traditional Mom will love you for this, even if
you still don't pick up your room or make your
bed. And if you've got the old lady on your side,
the traditional Dad will soon follow — unless
he's already retired and living at home and must
see you as much as Mom does. In that case, just
buttering up Mom, who, if you're a guy, loves
you no matter how much of a jerk you are, just
won't be enough.
•Seek Dad's advice. Dad loves this, especially
if you don't pay attention, because then he can
continue to burn your ears.
•Pay for your long distance phone calls.
Nothing irritates Dad more at the end of the
month than $50 in phantom phone bills from
Photo by Mark Pynes
What next?
some long lost love or drinking buddy who's liv
ing in Phoenix or Boston.
And it you're really ambitious:
•Paint the house. You'll score with both on
this one. Dad will think you've finally learned
the work ethic. Mom will appreciate your efforts
to "beautify" the nest. And there's a bonus —
they may even pay you.
•Take them out to dinner. They'll both think
you've grown up. But make this a symbolic
gesture and don't do it more than once or twice
— anything that actually costs money should be
avoided at all costs.
Demands:
(There are bound to be precious few of
these — remember who holds the purse strings.
But there are a few points you can — and
should — hold firm on).
•Refuse to pay rent or buy groceries. Remind
your parents you could be having more fun pay
ing expenses practically anywhere else. They'll
readily admit that you're right.
•Secure use of a car. Remind your parents of
the last time you were around the house all the
time. They'll soon remember and may even give
you a gas card just to keep you away on
weekends.
•And finally, start looking for a job. You
can't rely on Mom and Dad forever.
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Hours:
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Frl. 11:00-1:00 a.m.
Sat 5 00-1 00 a m
Sun. 5:00-11.00 p.m.
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FORMAT: Morning and afternoon sessions with practicing
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distinguished faculty from other universities.
GUEST Ed Fadeley, Pres, of Oregon State Senate
SPEAKERS: David Frohnmayer, State Attorney General
Mark Nelson, Lobbyist
Norma Paulus, Secretary of Stale
Russ Sadler, Columnist, TV Commentator
Sheet on the door of 920 PLC or in 936 PLC
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FOR INFO:
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Prof. James Klonoski 686-4876
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860 East 13th Ave
Rennie’s
Landing
Presents
Parent’s Weekend
Schedule of Events
' 'Show* Monv and ubad udiesie, yon ’vela#, a^tesv iiudyiny,. ''
Friday, 4 p.m.: To the deck for a pitcher ($1.00 off with Magicard
4-7). Or try one of our select bottle beers. Or wines.
9 p.m.: Socializing. It’s time your parents met your friends!
Saturday 10:00-11:30 a.m.: Breakfast. Check out the special. 2 eggs, homefries,
muffin, and coffee ... $1.50!
Noon:
4-7:
Sunday:
Try our unique selection of gourmet burgers, a sensa
tional sandwich, or one of the refreshing salads.
“Special Magicard Day”
Unwind after the Canoe Fete with $1.00 off pitchers.
Open at noon •
Full menu served until 9 p.m. ★ Snacks served until 11 p.m.
_Rennie’s Landing • 1214 Kincaid • 687-0600