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Random Blots
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your mother was wrong, if you wear sunglasses
in the dark you won't go blind In fact, the
cooler you are the darker the places you wear
your sunglasses. You're not too cool if you wear
your sunglasses in a bar. Bars aren't that dark
After all. the dipshit guys have to check out the
skanky broads — you have to see first. After that
get the bag.
It's cool to wear shades in a video arcade.
Why? Because those places are so dark and
you're spending money If you can t see the
blips and glitches on Star Wars then you lose
your money. And losing money is real cool. But
the coolest place to wear sunglasses is at the
movies. Only the most with it folks wear their
shades in the dark of a theatre.
There are various degrees of uncool things to
do when wearing sunglasses, like invading tiny
tropical isles and bayoneting (it’s your friend,
it's your buddy, it’s your pal) natives lounging
by the poolside, or squatting in a four-story hotel
in some God forsaken bombed out Middle East
city (Hey, here comes the pick up with the beer),
or trudging through the rain forests of Central
America trying to communicate in Spanish to
kill-crazy politically ambivalent rightist
revolutionaries
Probably the most uncool place to wear shades
is with the Hitler Youth at their beer putsch
while they plot the takeover of everything unholy
to Reagan. Falwell and God. in that order
* * * *
Rumors have been circulating about wild par
ties in the Baremeter offices after hours. It's
simply not true. Lies lies, vile lies, spread by the
better paper down the road|
It's not true that Baura Baa-Baa sheeps (er,
sleeps) around She has a square bed. And Kneel
Swollen didn't come into the kegger at Pill R.
Pain's bachelor pad holding two bottles of
Wesson oil and shouting: "Who's for party
games?It's a lie that Dave "You Can Have
Him" Roadwart goes both ways with himself.
These tall tales are the result of misinforma
tion. Just because Burrito Chickie bends over
and asks: “Is Randy here?" doesn't mean she's
sinful Not at all. she just has to tie her
shoes and likes a couple of guys to look over her
shoulder while she does it.
The vicious rumors are totally and awesomely
false. After hours at the Baremeter we have
benediction, prayer and Bible Quoting class.
Choir is at 7 p.m. sharp and all the sports
Q. Where can
you dance to
the best music
in town this
weekend?
A. At
(5talb!i0s
with
Jazzle
440 Coburg Rd • 343-1221
OSU Students
Beaver
Special
1 Coff
any large pizza
with your student ID
Any other size you
must pay double
Sy's Pizza
Offer good only after
midnight
BMBMMiBBMaBIMiMBMaBBMiaBB
Wednesday, November
9 p.m. Thurs., Dec. 1st
Gill Coliseum, OSCJ, Corvallis
$9.00 & $ 10.50 Reserved
1 i ,< k"!-- Av. -ill.)(>!•• .)!' MU I • ' • f v' l \ f mkK
ouis iii StiU-m. t () i \ -.i 111 'Vlbiiiiv .Uhl t in • rit •
Billy Rancher
and the Unreal Gods
Quidos
Italian Name Spelling Contest
50C off any pitcher
after the Civil War Game if you can pick
the correct spelling of the Oregon State
coach’s name.
★ Joe Avacodo * Joe Avezzano
★ Jo Ahwannawino ★ Joe Almondbombo
★ Joe Avvezzenno ★ Joe Avazzanno
Circle the correct spelling and bring this
coupon into Guido’s after the game.
Oiler jiood Nov. 19. 1983 only • One coupon per pitcher.
Guido's • 13th & Alder • 343-0681
Sit down.... take a load off your feet.... with an ODE
16, 1983
wiiiui^ ivriuv — uidi , . iiitj aiiivv. oy 7 p.ni,
most of us go to Mother's anti sit on the rug.
And remember: if you plan on pedaling to
school you really should register your bike.
Another safety tip from your friends at the Of
Bare meter
* * * *
How long have we been doing this newspaper?
Since '06. wouldn't you say. Well, ever since
then we've been dismayed at what’s been going
on in Washington regarding the fence funding.
Of note is the fact, and not the fact of note, is
that earlier in the week, and not later in the
week, the Senate voted to complete MX funding,
as opposed to incomplete funding.
The Baremeter, in all omnipotence, wants you
to hate this MX thing as much as we do — hate
hate hate. Do what you're told and clean up your
room. We believe (yes. cynical journalists have
beliefs) the MX is a deadly first-strike weapon,
virtually useless for the fence.
God. doesn’t that just scare the shit out of
you? Bombs, rockets, missiles megaton atomic
bombs. H-bombs, neutron bombs. B-52s. M-I6s.
camouflage pants, laser rays, robot bombs.
Bechtel Corp., they're everywhere. We're crack
ing up.
The American Scheme (why did they make
S< heme upper case?) of living a life of sex.
danger and conspicuous consumption in the
United States may be just that — a
M-beme (R’n’R)
Untinkable
To the Editor:
Day man. lb dust Jen tinkcn boud
day ardiglc in dub Ba-medah boud
day 'rines un day Grinaday.
Panky un die (ink day hould bay
sen home - O-tay?
Froggic tcz day tood bay sen toe
Ussia - uh huh? Tea wun day
Rines lay shoo day Cummahs to
ell - O-tay?
Aria un lb wuz snugling abbcr
sex un tea whip'rd un tea tez tea
wun yum yum gen.
Bye bye.
Buckwheat
Why is it?
To the Editor:
How come we never see any let
ters complaining about the poor
journalism of the Barcmcter? Are
you guys really that good?
I bet you throw away letters that
criticize your paper. So this is to
make up for all those letters. Your
paper's a rag. You guys can't write.
You shouldn't be journalists, you
should seek a career in animal
husbandry.
Thanks, I feel better now.
Ken Kesev
Prankster Mafia
Competition?
To the Editor:
We sure are glad we don't go to
Moo U. Who wants to put up with
the world's worst football team?
Who wants to live in a town where
the only thing that outnumbers the
greeks are the herds of cows ' OK.
so the Barcmeter has an adviser,
and we don’t. We can live with that
But the knowledge that our master
piece of journalism, the Daily
Baremeter, will not he challenged
by a fake Emerald depresses the
hell out of us. When you’re number
one. you hope the great unwashed
will attempt to compete. We guess
all we can do is hope.
All of us. The Baremeter staff
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