Three’s no crowd here
For most relationships,
Valentine's Day and the
heart symbolize romantic
ties, but for the Alternative
Relationships Center, a better
symbol might be a contract
The Center, 1242 Polk St.,
stresses group marriage, a
living arrangement made up of
three or more “committed"
adults.
“It's based on a rational
approach," says Barry, a
center volunteer. “You can
understand things through the
intellect."
“People usually couple up,”
adds Owen, another center
member "We want to be larger
than that You can have a
couple-type relationship with
multiple adults "
The center, founded last fall,
keeps a low profile Members
answer the phone with a
cautious hello and are reluctant
to give last names
According to Owen, the
center strives to be "a meeting
point, support group and
outreach center for people who
want committed multiple adult
living relationships "
Group marriage adds to
one s individuality. Barry
says “Committed adults"
include everyone, no matter
sexual or religious preference
"Group marriage is a way to
explore who you are through
other people It makes you a
stronger individual," Barry
says
Anyone can begin a group
marriage, says another
member, Allen
“First, an individual has to
figure out what he or she wants
and then make a values list,”
Allen says "Then he should go
out and be exposed to new
ideas, to see if he wants to add
or drop any values "
Once personal values are
established, the individual
begins looking for others who
share similiar beliefs A "social
contract” is merged from group
values. Traditional marriages
incorporate similiar contracts —
mostly unspoken expectations,
Allen says
Group marriage differs from
'60s communal living primarily
in its family-type orientation
Traditional family values and a
close relationship with childern
are emphasized
"We're the next step in social
evolution,” says Owen
"Families are so segmented
now, there are many lonely
people But we can come back
into groups "
Why do they form group
marriages?
"Any problem you may have
in a couple relationship you'll
have in a group marriage
relationship," says Allen, who
cites emotional upset as the
biggest problem. "But in a
group marriage you have more
people to help you solve it.”
"Because you re not living a
model that's normal,
communication can sometimes
break down," he says
A center-taught SEARCH
class, which meets in Room
137, Gilbert Hall, every other
Wednesday, teaches members
how to cope in a group
marriage The March 10 topic is
"Supportive Freedom Within
the Family.”
In addition, the center offers
support and discussion groups,
which try to present marriage
responsibilities in an
educational manner
Although group marriage
sometimes is stressful,
members would not live any
other way
"Take all of the good feelings
you can have in a two-person
relationship and multiply those
by two or three," Barry says
"That's what you can have in a
group marriage "
By Adam Worcester
Shack-ups out of luck
The number of unmarried
couples living together
tripled between 1970 and
1980, according to the U S
Department of the Census This
increasing trend has brought
with it another increasing trend
— living together agreements
— an agreement between
unmarried parties that defines
and protects their expectations
and properties
Without marriage, the parties
sit unprotected outside
courtroom statutes for the
wedded, explains Eugene
attorney Richard Houghton
This introduces what Houghton
labels a “fashionable area of
the law right now " Statutes
need precedents, and so far the
courts have little experience in
unlicensed cohabitation
“The courts are still sorting
out what it means to live
together," says Houghton
"When you consider that not
many years ago it was illegal to
live together without marriage,
or even have intercourse with
someone you weren’t married
to, you see how the courts have
not had to deal with it."
Sue Miller, a Eugene attorney
who specializes in family law
says a living-together
agreement can give protection
unprovided by the courts now
Certain benefits such as
social security benefits are not
obtainable under
living-together status, yet
widows and divorced spouses
are eligible The agreements
can cover these areas, in
addition to the individual rights
between the parties
themselves, Miller says
‘What is sad is that,
particularly with the people that
have acquired property, the
women just get screwed over,”
Miller points out Because the
man is usually making a higher
income, things bought jointly
are put in his name Then,
Miller says, "at the end of the
relationship he can say well I
had no intention at all of
sharing with her and this
property should be mine,’ ”
Although the courts would
look foe the intentions of the
two parties, such as joint
checking accounts and pooling
their resources, Miller strongly
recommends drawing an
agreement for protection, and
for defining expectations
“Putting across in a contract
that one person will be working
their way to the top and the
other will be home canning and
wiping little runny noses, just
having to think that through
often gives you a much more
realistic picture of wnat is going
to happen,” Miller says, adding
that sometimes a couple will
decide while writing their
agreement that the relationship
won't work
“Better then than later,” she
says
Houghton recommends
drawing up an agreement for
two reasons, to clarify issues
and to make whatever the
couple has agreed upon legally
binding He especially stresses
that couples should draft a pact
when acquiring property jointly,
such as a house
A sample living-together
agreement to be used as a
guide has been distributed to
attorneys by the Oregon State
Bar Committee on Continuing
Legal Education Each couple
would adjust an agreement to
their particular needs
Houghton suggests the
agreement include how the
couple will handle the property
and debts each party has at the
start, property and debts
acquired during the time
together, custody and visitation
of existing or possible children,
and partner support (if one
party is working and supporting
the other during school, for
example)
Although the number of
agreements being drawn up is
increasing, many couples
hesitate discussing such things
as money in the relationship’s
initial stage Miller stresses the
importance to overcome this
feeling
“It is immaterial whether it is
romantic or not it’s going to
be substantially less romantic
two years down the road when
you're fighting over who's
going to pay Montgomery
Wards and who's going to pay
Sears," she says
Although an attorney is not
crucial to the drawing of an
agreement, both Miller and
Houghton recommend
consulting one if property is
involved Legal Services at the
University does deal in the
agreements with students at no
charge
By Julie Kurilo
Graphic by Max Derungs
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