ARTESIAN FOOTBALL,
EXPLAINED.
1
Rumor has it that when the Artesians aren't
hard at work making pure Artesian brewing
water for Olympia, they like to unwind a little.
One form of unwinding they're particularly
fond of is Artesian Football — a game somewhat
different from the one you're familiar with.
In Artesian football, you start by "Punting''.
To Punt, you place your finger behind the
snappull tab on a frosty can of Olympia and
take a set position. On the signal, you pull back
smartly with plenty of follow through.
When you execute this play perfectly, you
are greeted with a resounding P-U-N-T!
The "Punt" is always followed by the "End
Around" in which the bottom end of your Oly
becomes the top end, allowing the clean, crispy
taste of the beer to run broken-field over your
palate.
No one knows much more about Artesian
football with the exception of this guote from a
long forgotten Artesians sportscaster:
"It'S A GAME OF OUNCES.
OREGON FOOTBALL SCHEDULE, EXPLAINED.
HOME FOOTBALL GAMES
September 19 U OF PACIFIC 1:00
September 26 WASHINGTON 1:00
October 17 ARIZONA 1:00
October 24 AIR FORCE 1:00
October 31 UCLA 1:00
November 21 OREGON STATE 1:00
AWAY GAMES:
September 5
September 12
October 10
November 7
November 14
Fresno State
Kansas
Arizona State
Washington State
Stanford
OLYMPIA
1ft tM water