opinion__
‘Nuts’ to aggressive squirrel haters
Ever watch a campus squirrel, boldly scam
pering around campus, aggressivly gathering
whatever it is squirrels gather? Only one word
comes to mind.
Arrogant.
Letters continue to arrive from students who
have noted once too often the steely, daring glint
in the eyes of arrogant University squirrels.
Writers deplore the situation, but fail to
propose workable suggestions to help stem this
worrisome tide of squirrel arrogance.
Gordon Brown, a junior econonomics major,
was the first to draw attention to the problem in an
April 6 letter. Brown warned of the dangers of
squirrel arrogance, noting telltale signs of in
creasing boldness — squirrels refusing to move
from sidewalks, taunting passers-by from trees
and, according to one witness, assaulting a coo
kie-munching University student.
The warning cry was followed by more letters,
and the response has surprised Brown, self-ap
pointed chairman of the Coalition to Stamp Out
Squirrel Arrogance.
Since then, more complaints. One writer
warned of a planetary squirrel takeover. But no
one offers realistic solutions.
Brown proposed tossing rocks at the arrogant
tree-dwellers. Dean Domino suggested “beating
up these atheistic puffballs,” and if that failed,
using “BB guns and tactical M-80s.” Others have
suggested leg-hold traps, having a “squirrel
shoot, and importing squirrei-eanng, iree
dwelling pythons.
But cooler heads have prevailed. Letters
appear today by two writers who analyze the
situation unemotionally and note the problem is
not the fault of squirrels — but society. Man and
civilization have encroached on what was once
sole province of the squirrel.
It’s easy to jump on the anti-squirrel band
wagon. But there’s no need, as a letter says today
says, to kick a squirrel when he’s down.
To say some have over-reacted is an under
statement. The fear that they “will kill our
brothers” is nothing if not hyperbole.
It’s a matter best left to squirrelly biolgists and
zoologists — not to trigger-happy students.
Some will say we must take a more agressive
stance to combat campus-dominating squirrels.
To that we respectfully reply “nuts.”
vours
Love thy neighbor
Since my return to the United States
after a three month absence (in New
Zealand. South Africa and hong kong), I
have grown increasingly disillusioned
with what appears to be the American
people's ignorance of the outside world.
Nestled within our cozy environments,
automobiles, hamburgers, local sports
and color television, we all too often fail
to consider the plight and struggle of
other people elsewhere in the world.
We claim to be a democracy while our
national leaders continually make major
decisions on issues that were never
brought to our attention. We claim to be a
model of freedom and human rights
while the "friendly nations" we support
kill and harass their own citizens. In its
efforts to counter "Soviet expansion
ism," the Reagan administration has
ignored the course of history where for
generations the majority of people have
suffered because most of the land in their
country is (and has been) owned by a tiny
ruling minority. (El Salvador is a perfect
example.) When working people organ
ize to oppose their intolerable condi
tions, they are labeled communists or
Soviet-backed agressors. The American
people do not hold themselves
responsible for the brutality their country
indirectly commits abroad.
We claim to be informed while our
primary news sources are controlled by a
privileged few. We claim to be Christians.
Didn’t Jesus Christ teach us to love our
neighbors as we love ourselves? How
can we love our neighbors and ignore
them at the same time?
Christian Gunther
Sophomore, undeclared
Not squirrels’ fault
Yes squirrels have become a problem.
They are no longer just social misfits, but
a menace to society here on campus. But
these arrogant rodents are suffering,
they have been rejected by those who
could help them the most. It is sad the
symptoms are always the same: rowdy
yougsters casually toss rubbish from
trees and defiantly sit in the middle of the
sidewalk. The prettier squirrels fluff their
tails and try to appear as seductive as
possible, just to catch the eye of
someone who might give them a piece of
cracker Squirrel alcoholism and suicide
rates are also on the rise: only yesterday I
saw a sqirrel staggering, then jumping
off the roof of Deady Hall
This is not the fault of the squirrel High
unemployment rates, the decreasing
availability of low cost trees, the price of
nuts, these all contribute to rodent de
pression Squirrels flock to the Universi
ty, but even here they are ridiculed and
chased by bikes, dogs and small chil
dren. They need our help.
Don't kick a squirrel when he’s down.
Given some encouragement, a good
meal in her stomach, and a goal in life,
the squirrel can be an eager and useful
character on this campus, and else
where. Given training, a squirrel would
gladly pick up trash, rake leaves and
wash windows. Squirrels are very rea
sonable and they just need a... a kind of
break.
Send your contributions to Squirrel
Reform, co Cynthia Johnson, Shopping
Cart 7, Somewhere in your neighbor
hood.
Cynthia Johnson
Sophomore, undeclared
For the squirrels
I must fervently protest Dean Domino's
views on the increasing action observed
taken by the squirrel population. He has
made several accusations against the
members of the movement that need
proper perspective in their examination.
Mr. Domino, you accuse the squirrels
of holding alliance with the rat, mouse
and hamster populations. There has
been no conclusive evidence that such
alliances exist. Squirrels generally do not
approve of rat tactics and consider rats
to have sold out their heritage by living in
man-made structures over the centuries.
Although mouse alliance is a real pos
sibility, hamsters are unlikely candidates
because most hamsters are behind bars.
Any thought of a military coup to free
them should be dismissed as too pre
sumptious for squirrel political doctrine.
Furthermore, just because squirrels
don’t hold employment within our system
is no reason to accuse them of laziness.
We all know their reputation for dil
ligence when gathering nuts. With the
exception of the few that are employed at
the Willy Wonka Candy Company, squir
rel employment is virtually nonexistent.
Holding most human jobs is difficult for
most squirrels because of educational
deprivation.
The particular anti-human tactic ob
served by Mr. Domino was an isolated
incident by independent factions and in
no way reflects the policy of the majority
of the squirrel population.
I can’t deny the influx of squirrels and
their relatives into the media. How else
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are they supposed to get recognition for
their cause?
Oppression of our rodent friends must
stop! The squirrels have silently endured
encroachment of cities into their parks
long enough. Humans have been mur
dering their kind without reason and
they’ve had enough.
You may think that as a human I
shouldn’t defend their cause. But as just
one concerned person, I feel I am doing
my part to help make this world safe for
all of its creatures to share.
I can only hope that their plea for
equality and dignity will be heard by all
humans and that the revolution will not
go to violence.
It is narrow-minded human thinking to
consider BB guns and tactical M-80’s as
the solution.
I feel that a public education program
to inform humans about the long stand
ing oppression and violence already
endured by these creatures to be a better
idea. (Although this might not be the year
for new social programs.)
Donations to help their cause can be
sent in care of your favorite charity. Just
tell ’em it’s for the squirrels.
Philip Fake
Freshman, fine arts
Worth defending?
In response to an April 8 letter, I ask
James Miller to think twice about what he
asks we defend. Yes, the United States
has produced many wealthy people —
and how did these folks attain their
status? Why is this country "great”? How
did some here come to live better than
anyone else in the world?
James, I ask also that you look at the
repressed of America, and tell me why
this government is spending its (our)
time, energy, people and money sup
porting other repressive governments
who are fighting against their own peo
ple.
Your letter gave me the impression
that no one within current U S. borders
lacks the access to the resources for
self-sufficiency, for example. James,
look around you; people are being hung,
murdered and starved right here in the
good old U S A. And you ask why many
choose not to support a government
which continually and blatantly rein
forces oppression!
Before you continue to stand behind
this country 100 percent, I suggest you
further educate yourself as to how it got
to the position it is in today — in relation
to other countries in the world. And then
take a better look at where it actually
stands now, especially in relation to its
people.
T. L. Eden
Junior, psychology