‘Man, what a bummer'
Peace groups support Soviets in Alaska
By Ml KRUST
Of the ImmoraM
The United States is over
reacting to the recent Soviet
invasion of Alaska, several
campus leaders said Tuesday.
Student opponents of the
proposed American interven
tion in Alaska quickly mobilized
and held a noon rally on cam
pus.
“We rejoice with our com
rades in Alaska who have sha
ken off the bonds of American
imperialism and the domination
of the oil companies," said Lin
da Screechy of the Arctic Peo
ple's Solidarity Committee.
Screechy said all students
who desire to know the real
story of the Alaskan invasion*'
should read The Burning Ice
block, "the only Arctic nation
alist newspaper in the world "
Tomseth rescue attempt fails
A failed attempt to rescue ex-hostage Victor
Tomseth from Springfield ended last night in the
deaths of nine U S. commandos.
Springfield police said the nine died when
they were thrown by a mechanical bull in a local
tavern.
Tomseth's whereabouts remained unclear
Wednesday morning. The Springfield High
School Band threatened after the raid to move
him to a closed-down Georgia-Pacific lumber mill.
Before the raid, Tomseth was being held in the
business district by the Chamber of Commerce
and local television reporters
The latest pictures of Tomseth, broadcast by
ABC's “Nightline,” show him bound in yellow
ribbons with a microphone stuffed in his mouth.
Details of the raid were sketchy at presstime,
but this much is known:
Dressed in flannel shirts, down vests and
shit-kicker boots, the 34 commandos rode six
Lane Transit District buses from downtown
Eugene to Glenwood After obtaining tokens for
the return trip, they got off the buses and com
mandeered pick-up trucks for the final leg of the
journey.
Here the raid apparently went awry. The
plans called for hijacking pick-ups with rifles
mounted in the back, which would be used as
weapons in the raid. But only five suitable trucks
could be found. Ten of the commandos drove
them to a local tavern and waited for the rest to
find transportation.
There, nine of them died after they chal
lenged each other to ride the mechanical bull.
Springfield officials have threatened to hold
another parade because of the incident.
"Nightline” anchor Ted Koppel, the "Kop
peltollah" in whose name Tomseth was captured,
warned he would “skip a few days" in his latest
hostage countdown if another raid is attempted.
: / 'V':. ■
The APSC, an organizaton of
people who wish they had been
born in the Arctic Circle, is af
filiated with the Arctic Peoples’
Soviet Party.
“How many of you are going
to be fooled into fighting in
Alaska?” asked Alvin Siphon of
the Coalition Opposed to Life
and Death (COLD).
“First there was Vietnam, and
then that place in Africa and I
think maybe a couple of places
in Latin America, too. Or maybe
it was in the Persian Gulf. When
will you begin to educate
yourselves?”
University sociology Prof.
Dick Wormy told the seven peo
ple at the rally that he fears the
Reagan administration will use
the invasion to justify increased
military spending.
“I can’t really say that I ap
prove of any country having
troops anywhere,” Wormy said
“But I’m pretty disgusted by all
this knee-jerk talk of Soviet im
perialism.’
"Inbred nationalism" and
“economic royalism” are at the
root of American objection to
the Soviet invasion, he said.
“Let's not make any quick
value judgments,’’ he said.
“After all, we forget that collu
sion between American corpor
ate interests and Czarism en
gineered the so-called ‘pur
chase’ back in the 1860s. Real
ly, they have as much right to be
there as we do.”
Don Fliskieurtbnwesky, also a
sociology professor, said he
agrees that Americans are
overreacting.
“I’m really upset by all this talk
of an ‘invasion,’ ” he said. “The
Pentagon is trying to manufac
ture an incident out of what is a
fraternal effort on the part of a
few Russian divisions to support
the Alaskan revolution "
Students reacteu to the rally
and news of the invasion with
consternation and puzzlement.
"Isn’t that up in Canada or
somewhere? This doesn't mean
I'm going to be drafted, does
it?” asked undeclared freshman
Jim Inocuous.
"There’s going to be a war?
Man, what a bummer,’’ said
Buck Prickly, a sophomore who
said he takes only ESCAPE and
SEARCH classes.
Classifieds
Typing
NEED TYPING DONE? it's a bit late to think ot
that, isn't it? 4650:tfn
Roommates
ASEXUAL ROOMMATE with little pubic hairs
wanted to join progressive household into
Ouija boards, rock & roll and murder trials
689-1321, Dawn, 4-3
Lost/Found
LOST: One well-worn copy of "Law of Mass
Communications." Please return to Immorald
office Quickly. 4-1
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I want to stick your guppy in a microwave and
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_4-1 :pm
FOiTtODAY'S CLASSIFIED FOULIE we will
give $5 to the first person who is not offended
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GEEK RUSH:
The chickens are ready
4-1
Opportunities
HEY
MAX RIJKEN!
State Representative and
Keeper of Clean Language
CRAM THESE
WORDS
UP YOUR
XEROX:
TWAT
SHIT
FART
ASSHOLE
CUNT
PUDENDUM
BUTT-FUCK
CUNNILINGUS
CLITORIS
MASTURBATE
FIRST AMENDMENT
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Entertainment
Visit Eugene'* Drive-Thru
Dead Animal Park
Open dally on Franklin Blvd._
LEONETTI HAYNES FAN CLUB
Meets tonight behind the Safeway
4-1
Personals
HARRY: Meet me for a nosh enema in the
courtyard- LUIGI_8382:tfn
GREG Fuck oil. LOVE, EVERYONE ELSE
4-1
HOW MANY BASKETBALL PLAYERS does it
take to screw in a light bulb?
It doesn’t matter — they always drop it at the
last moment anyway. 4-1
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ON THE MALL
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Classified fCCLICS!
000
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WON $5
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Tuesday’s Foulie:
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wins $5 from ODI Classifieds 3-31
Look for today’s
Classified Foulie!
00000000000
SCUBA DIVERS do it under water 4-1
LAWYERS do it in their briets. _4-1
JOURNALISTS don't use euphemisms — they
fuck._ 4-1
THERE WAS A YOUNG MAN named
McNamiter
With a tool of prodigious diameter
But it wasn't the size
Gave the girls a surprise,
Twas his rhythm — iambic pentameter. 4-1
IT’S HARO TO SAY which is worse — con
stipation or the discomfort which always
accompanies jt.
It rained at the beach.
And you forgot the leech,
But we didn't mind the weather
When we dressed in our leather
Coitus, coitus, you are_the sweetest 4-1
I'M SO GODDAM HORNY that the crack of
dawn better be careful around me TOM 4-1
v!
WITHOUT
ERRANT JONES,
THESE TREES
WOULD BE
FOR THE BIRDS.
ft
%
%
s
i
i
u.
BEFORE
cluttered
mountainside
AFTER
clear
view
AT
ERRANT JONES LUMBER,
WE CARE
- ABOUT ERRANT JONES
33?
(
$