opinion_
I ken sands
even editors get the blues
Dear Mom:
Sorry if I sound like a hypochondriac, but I
think I'm dying.
Specifically I’m sick with this year’s Asiatic
virus — the Bangkok Flu.
Generally though, I’m sick of the hostages.
I’m sick of Ted Koppel and Frank Reynolds and
that pointy-headed peanut freak who alternatingly
takes credit and blame for the whole mess.
If I see another yellow ribbon I’ll throw up.
I’m sick of school too. After 3V2 years of
lectures I can’t stand the bullshit, so I don’t go to
class. I just tell the instructors I’ve been sick.
I was really sick of the fog, but it’s gone now
and I’m sick of the rain. And I can't understand
why anyone would wear open-toed Birkenstock’s
when it’s raining. Don’t they get their feet wet?
Joggers are always wet. Whenever I run, my
feet and knees hurt and I get a backache. The only
time I run is to the bathroom or the kitchen.
I really miss your cooking too, Mom. Yeah, I
know you’re a lousy cook, but at least the food is
always cheap and hot. The food in the EMU is
barely better than dorm food, and you’ve heard
about that hog slop.
The food here is so cheap because the
University’s broke. Everyone’s broke around here.
They don’t even mail our report cards to us
because it costs too much.
Pardon me while I blow my nose.
I’m really glad the Super Bowl is finally over
too. Now I won’t have to hear another word about
Jim Plunkett’s “Cinderella season." And I won't
be reminded anymore that the social dropouts
(Raiders) are the best football players.
I don’t want to talk about the social deviate in
the White House, because this is a serious letter.
I used to be really sick of those morons
complaining about Peanuts, but they’re off my
back now. Peanuts is in the classified section now,
and Lucy still is pulling the football away before
Charlie Brown kicks it.
I think those people also belong to the Boring
Student Groups who continually demand we
cover their social events. I’m not really sick of
them though — there’s something to be said for
comic relief.
More than anything else I’m sick and tired of
being sick and tired. And I don’t really mean to
sound so pathetically cynical.
I’ll write again when I feel better.
Your sick son,
Ken
P S. Please send lots of money for incredible
medical expenses.
vours
Not convinced
Steve Hanselman's attempt to ration
alize, as it were, the prophecies of war in
Ezekiel 38 and 39 was valiant; but I am
still not convinced. Although there are a
number of problems with his interpreta
tion, I will mention only a few
Ezekiel said nothing about post-war
refineries but only that “those who dwell
in the cities of Israel will go forth and
make fires of the weapons and burn
them... and they will make fires of them
for seven years so that they will make
fires of the weapons” (Ezek. 39 9-10). I
realize that quoting the text is of little
avail, for Mr Hanselman insists on
changing Ezekiel’s perfectly clear
statement on the fate of the bows and
arrows and other such weapons in order
to fit his own pre-set notions, neither
reason nor common sense will persuade
him to examine the source as it stands.
The present geopolitical situation Mr.
Hanselman described has no profound
significance in relation to this war pas
sage. So Gog and Magog represent an
alliance of nations situated north, south,
east and west of Israel — what else is
new? The enemies from these areas were
a threat to ancient Israel as well as to
modern Israel.
What is most unconvincing, however,
is the assigning of only those parts of the
prophecy which don't fit reality into that
handy category of "symbolism.” If the
weapons are symbolic, a possibility
which Mr. Hanselman has conceded,
why cannot the entire war scenario —
battles, alliances, victorious feating on
the bodies and blood of the vanquished
(Ezek. 39. 17-21) - also be symbolic,
referring to the Zeitgeist of Ezekiel’s own
time? Could it be that Ezekiel actually
was speaking only “to a man of his own
day’’ (wouldn’t women have been af
fected in some way also?) and that is is
those who came after Ezekiel who could
not understand him? Might not this ex
plain all the strange, varied and con
voluted interpretations applied to
Ezekiel’s prophecies?
Susan E. Plass
GTF, History
War for change
Everywhere across the country people
are being subjected to a conspiracy to
take their nickels, dimes and quarters.
In every little town and city, in all those
old-time gas stations and big hotels,
there is a machine waiting to rip you off
Usually these mechanical monsters only
take a nickel or dime extra in exchange
for that candy bar or Coke, but lately
these machines have been getting cocky
and taking your quarters and not even
giving you your purchase. Or if they feel
generous they might spit out some warm
water in place of your desired coffee.
This is an outrage; how can these
things be allowed to do this to their
inventors. It’s obviously an attempt by
these metal maniacs to nickel and dime
us to death. And no matter how much
kicking, swearing and shaking the ma
chine the victim does; it won't help, that
greedy tyrant just takes it stoically and
jingles its accumulated rewards. Usually
the person just gives up in frustration
and disgust and walks away, not even
bothering to put up a sign labeling the
machine as a thief and swallower of
change, leaving the beast to victimize
other poor souls.
Obviously we've created a monster
and we are faced with a national dilem
ma JSqprt'ttJere^will be np nickels, dimes
or quarters left in circulation add oi/r
economy will collapse, while those metal
fiends grow fat with their immorally
gained profits. We must act, and act now.
The war for change has begun. Man
must conquer machine.
Alan Wright
Junior, Journalism
Bad policy
It is indeed unfortunate that instances
occur in which someone may libelously
use another’s name to publically express
sentiments for which they are not willing
to face the consequences themselves.
The Emerald’s new policy requiring tele
phone numbers to be attached to all
letters received will do nothing to al
leviate this problem, however. The per
son using the name of another could as
easily have done so, provided his own
phone number, and then “confirmed”
his assumed identity when called.
The policy of required phone numbers
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does discriminate against the right to
public expression of those either too
poor, or for other reasons disinclined, to
own a telephone. To maintain this
requirement is to further entrench the
elitist attitude which already appears to
govern much of the Emerald’s content,
including its selection of which letters
are published. Furthermore, this policy
cannot fulfill its ostensible purpose and
should therefore be abandoned.
Hiawatha
j Graduate, Philosophy Music
i Oi i •:rr*j• ^ nsonemfl i
Political fantasy
As usual, the front page of Friday’s
Emerald is anti-Reagan headlined:
"Profs agree: Reagan years bode ill."
Surely not all “profs” agree? When will
the ODE present some fair press
coverage?
Athough I have a great amount of
respect for biased and closed-minded
Klonoski, his political views are greatly
tainted by his long-term association with
the vanishing Democratic Party. As far as
Szymanski, a former SDS member, he
cah hardly be considered representative
of unbiased political analysis.
Obviously both actors stand for a
philosophy that the ODE endorses.
However, the Reagan landslide confirms
that the public no longer endorses such
giveaway liberal politics that brought
FDR into popularity, brought us stagger
ing unemployment and inflation, and has
led America into its current position as
"court jester” in world politics. This is
reflected further in the increased per
centage of Republican voter registration
figures, increased Republican control of
both houses of Congress, and the rejec
tion of all aspects of government inter
vention in people's daily lives. One could
conclude that Klonoski and Szymanski
are not firmly based in the political reality
of the 1980s.
Klonoski loves to relate all political
evils to Nixon’s Watergate. I wish he
would worry more about why congress
men, mostly Democrats, entrusted with
the goals of representative government
take bribes. Klonoski, why beat a dead
horse?
Whether the liberal community likes it
or not, the conservatives have arrived.
Hopefully, with the help of all Americans,
we can begin to rebuild this great
country by using free enterprise and
giving back to the people the right pur
sue their dreams without the interference
of government.
Steven Fogelson
Law student