Pre-marital contracts foresee pitfalls
By CAROLYN BE AYER
Of the Emerald
Even though not many people
use them yet, Chuch Spinner, at
torney at the Office of Student Ad
vocacy, suggests couples con
sider marriage also consider
pre-marital contracts.
A pre-marital contract, Spinner
says, looks down the road and
says “in the event that things don’t
work out, here’s what will happen.
“People don’t use them for the
same reason a lot of contracts of
this nature aren’t common,” says
Spinner. “People are not used to
looking at things negatively.”
Contracts can make settle
ments clear should there be a di
vorce, so the “emotional trauma”
associated with the split doesn’t
Settlements drawn before split
get carried into the property set
tlement, he says.
Some contracts stipulate that
property brought into the marriage
by an individual should remain
with that person if the marriage
dissolves. Some also distinguished
between property acquired during
the marriage by either individual
or the couple and stipulated how
they should be divided.
Alimony is another topic con
tracts can address. A couple may
decide to waive alimony, unless
special circumstances arise and
one party cannot support himself
or herself.
Spinner likes to include what he
calls a “catch-all provision," which
decides how arguments that
wouldn’t be covered in the contract
should be settled. A husband and
wife might even decide to bring in
a state mediator, which Oregon
statutes provide.
“It’s a matter of foreseeing ev
erything you can and even
foreseeing things you can’t,” says
Spinner. It removes the ‘light”
from divorce settlements, he says.
“People get unreasonable
when they’re angry or hurt,” com
ments Spinner. “It’s better to talk
things out and make decisions
when you’re still friends”
Spinner isn’t sure how the
courts view marriage contracts.
He says because there have been
so few contracts, the courts really
haven’t had to deal with them.
He does say, however, that
courts would not condone some
thing in a contract that “clearly
was not fair.” Divorces are han
dled on the “equity” not “law” side
of the courts, says Spinner.
At least it gives the courts "an
idea of where these people’s
heads were at when they were
level-headed about the whole
thing,” he says.
Most of the time, the couns
would not have problems with
marriage contracts because
they’re “arms-length transac
tions,” Spinner says, adding
arms-length transactions give
both parties equal bargaining
power.
Although it’s a "total guessti
mate,” Spinner thinks the kind of
people who draw up pre-marital
contracts have a much lower di
vorce rate. “They’re obviously
thinking about what they’re
doing.”
Spinner cites a couple he
knows who drew up a contract be
fore they were married.
“They’re still married after five
years and not thinking about get
ting a divorce. How often does that
happen?”
When ESCAPE student vol
unteers go out into the commun
ity, there is a mass desire to com
mit suicide. No one knows why the
ESCAPE program draws this type
of a person, but it works better
than a fly trap.
We recently sent a spy into the
organization to figure out its
methods of brainwashing. He
made the following report.
“I infiltrated the organization by
going to the ESCAPE desk and
volunteering to be a friend to the
A Typewriter
Warmed In Hell
By JOCK HATFIELD
Of the Emerald
old farts. They sent me to an ad
justment seminar.
“This was no ordinary seminar.
We were told to think of five
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hundred items. The other stu
dents came up with “star, grass,
bird, wonderbread and rose.” I put
together corrugated iron, fast
food, igloo, bricks and tampons.
“I could see they were begin
ning to suspect something. They
told me to kill a mouse with these
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five items.
“I hit the mouse over the head
with an igloo and considered the
matter finished. But the group
leader would have none of it. She
said I should use all five items on
my mouse to increase my creativ
ity. I pointed out that my mouse
was dead and deserved to be left
in peace. I was given another
mouse and told to be more devi
ous with my murder, so I wouldn’t
run out of mouse before I had
thrown in all my items.
“I killed that mouse all night. I
iglooed it to death. I stuffed it with
bricks and fast food. I smothered it
in tampons. And still the ES
CAPISTS wouldn’t give up. Finally
I said I refused to kill my mouse
any more. I had had enough prac
tice and was ready to try out my
methods on the old people.
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“Next we delved into death.
This group was fun to be with.
They passed out sheets with sen
tences to be completed such as
“After I die...” I didn't want to book
myself up too far in advance. But
the ESCAPISTS had a full calen
der. They planned to be floating
around, viewing video tapes of
their former lives and having a
high old time. Their philosophical
dilemma was why they should not
commit suicide right away and get
in on the fun. I said I would be glad
to help them.
"I went on to tell them some
death jokes. I told them the one
about the blind guy who last
month entered an elevator on the
fourth floor of a building, only to
discover it wasn’t there.
"The elevator door had made a
mistake and opened without an
elevator. It seems they keep
spikes at the bottom of elevator
shafts to catch blind guys who
drop in. It took four hours to extract
him.
“After I finished laughing about
this, I looked around and disco
vered I had blown my cover. All six
of the group were sitting around
looking as though they had just
been impaled.
“They accused me of being a
spy and threw me out.”
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