Artist’s pitfalls, hardships
to be topics of workshops
By MELODY WARD
Of the Emerald
Originality, brilliance and creativity may not be
enough to survive in the world of professional art
A series of Artist's Survival Workshops” are
scheduled throughout the state in coming weeks.
“The first workshop of this kind was held in
Eugene last year,' says Michael Whitenack, super
visor of Visual Arts Resources. "It drew a lot of na
tional attention because it was really the first time
there had been this kind of concerted effort to get
practical information out to artists '
Whitenack says that a surprising number of ar
tists, particularly students, are unaware of many es
sential aspects of their craft, like the most efficient
ways to matt paintings for exhibition The workshops
focus on the business realities" facing every artist
as well.
You have to be able to market your product,"
Whitenack stresses Business realities seem to get
overlooked in an artist s academic training, but they
are essential to one s professional survival
He added the workshops cover pointers many
artists have discovered the hard way We re trying
to shortcut a lot of the mistakes and pitfalls that await
artists in terms of relating to the arts community.
Practical business sawy starts with good re
cords of artists' works and as Whitenack suggests,
artists should keep track of their works by using
slides, invaluable for insurance, tax and sales pur
poses
We also talk a lot about packaging, shipping
and handling works,” he says. “There’s a lot to watch
out for when you deal with the U.S. mail. The main
thing is to take a very professional attitude toward
your work, from the time it’s finished to the time it is
presented '
Other topics include copyrights, taxes and legal
problems associated with having a private studio.
The workshops feature a gallery owner, lawyers
and representatives from the Oregon Arts commis
sion, who will outline funding, jobs and other oppor
tunities for artists.
Conferences are scheduled from 9 a.m. to 4
p.m. on Oct. 22 in the arena at Stevenson Student
Union, Southern Oregon State College, Ashland,
and Nov. 12 in Room 142, Classroom Building, East
ern Oregon State College. La Grande
Registration will be at the door at 8 a.m. The fee
is $5.
Another conference will be held later in the Port
land area. Interested persons can get more informa
tion from the University Visual Arts Center,
A Typewriter
Warmed In Hell
By JOCK HATFIELD
Of the Emerald
Claim your
corpse soon
The Eugene Mortuary Associa
tion held its annual lost and found
sale this week, offering items not
claimed by their owners at dis
count rates
For sale were several transistor
radios, two bundles of Rest in
Peace napkins, and John Z
Mcooligan, wearing his best suit
with a clashing tie The napkins
and radios were purchased within
the first hour but Mcooligan, born
1901, died 1960, remained un
claimed at the end of the day
According to Habeus Corpus
funeral director, 17 years ago
someone hung Mcooligan on a
coat rack while they were waiting
to be served, and walked out with
out him.
"It's an easy thing to do,' says
Corpus "Unless someone says
Didn t you have a corpse with you
when you walked in,' you never
know the difference
Corpus says if Mcooligan is not
claimed by the end of the week, he
will be donated to the good will
The Bible s
a fraud??
When asked why he was in
cessantly preaching sermons on
the topic "Ye must be born
again,” father McArthur thought
about it for a moment and then
replied "Because Ye must be
born again "--Book of
Knowledge
I took down my Bible from the
shelf last night and was shocked
to find it a forgery. Now , I admit, I
have not opened the Bible for
years, but it has not been so long
that this poor excuse would pass
for the real thing'
In the first place, Christ does not
wear an “I found It" button in this
BiDle Can you believe it? It has
this poor guy in an old frock going
around trying to convert people,
as if any self-respecting man
would become a Christian without
first seeing an I Found It button
Of course, this tipped me off right
away that this Bible was a fraud,
probably placed in my room by
some atheist while I was sleeping
But I read on for amusement's
sake, and had passed no more
than two columns when I came
upon this line: Blessed are the
peacemakers for they shall inherit
the earth " What a foul corruption
of the lines Blessed are the
Americans for they shall inherit
the earth” and Great are the
pacemakers for they shall keep us
alive. This is to say nothing of the
biblical verse entitled Pillage the
Panama.”
And then, get this, I was hit over
the head with the following
words "Love thine enemies. This
seems on the surface an innocu
ous statement, but when I thought
about it, I suddenly realized this
ridiculous Bible was telling me
to get friendly with the commies!
The author of this bible almost
had a very good laugh at my ex
pense.
As for killing, this forgery Bible
says don't do it. period! Nothing
about freedom or domino
theories This Bible would con
demn the best Christian in the
country! Unlike the legitimate
Bible, which would have a man be
peaceably BORN AGAIN and be
done with him, this book leaves
the absurd impression that Christ
ians are supposed to behave dif
ferently from the average man,
doing kindnesses and all that.
Christians throughout the cen
turies, through war and peace,
deprivation and luxury, have
never seen fit to do anything out of
the ordinary. Vet this Bible had
the audacity to insist they must do
so. Where does this leave those
heaps of Christians?
I suggest everyone go to their
Bibles this minute to see if the
atheist who made the switch on
me has gotten around We shall
have to keep a better eye on those
maniacs in the future, lest this
forgery catch on unnoticed and
leave good Christians without a
religion.
Freud tells
his theory
In honor of the Figment Freud
Festival here on campus. Univer
sity Special Collections has made
public the original working papers
of Figment Freud Reproduced
here are notes showing Freud s
first inkling of what would later be
come the psychoanalytic theory.
"I was sitting around after
breakfast today daydreaming
and in the process, I think I have
arrived upon a successful division
of the human psyche. If these
boundaries prove economically
efficient, I believe I will subdivide
the complex and charge higher
rent
"My divisions are as follows: Idi,
Ego and Zippo. Idi lives in a frat,
enjoys running countries and uses
a blow dryer Ego enjoys going on
tnps and runs his own honors col
lege. Zippo cruises around in a red
convertible and laughs at the
other two.
"Using these divisions, I have
developed an explanation for
schizophrenia. Take an average
subject sitting at breakfast eating
cereal Zippo gets stoned, takes a
comer too fast, goes through a red
light and crashes into a Mac
Donalds Restaurant. Idi, trying to
recover from the shock, takes Ego
and crams him into a beer bottle
Left in charge, Idi takes off his
clothes and jumps in the Millrace.
“The subject at this time finds
himself in the awkward position of
having died off while still eating his
Wheaties. He goes schiz from
embarrassment. "Of course this
theory needs a little polish, but I
believe I am on to something big.'
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