Worthy ‘porpoise,’ but no bonita
By MARTHA BLISS
Of the Emerald
Dear Beef Box,
Being somewhat concerned
for the porpoises being killed by
the tuna industry, some of my
friends and I started a tuna
boycott some months ago. We
made up for the lack of tuna in our
diets by eating bonita, which for
all intents and purposes tastes,
looks and smells exactly like tuna,
except that bonita, being a larger
mackerel than the tuna, is much
cheaper.
A couple weeks ago, I went to
my friendly neighborhood market,
and they informed me that bonita
ivas impossible to get. I went to a
different market, and they gave
me the same story.
There's no bonita anywhere as
far as I can tell, and the explana
tions have been too vague to
satisfy me. What 's going on here?
Who 's trying to deprive me of my
bonita?
Signed,
Feeling the Lack
You’re right. There’s no bonita
anywhere in town, at least if you
want it fresh. In talking to a
number of fish stores, I’ve found
that bonita is primarily a southern
California fish and is consequently
very rare north of there. As one
fish marketer put it, bonita is a
great tuna substitute, but 'not up
in this country.”
You may have a little more luck
with canned bonita. Although not
all grocery stores carry it as faith
fully as they do canned tuna, it is
around. Safeway, McKay’s and
the Hilyard Street Market carry
canned bonita for about two thirds
the price of canned tuna.
Nevertheless, many stores were
temporarily out of the item when I
checked and I got the same ans
wers as you — vague statements
about how the wholesalers just
don’t have a very large supply
right now. All markets that carried
canned bonita but were temporar
ily out, however, had the item on
order, so keep trying.
Dear Beef Box:
Have you ever tried to walk up
to a total stranger and ask for
"Oompas" - even if you're lucky
and no one else is around?
Maybe I’m more sensitive than
most people but everytime I go
into the EMU for Oompas, I come
out with the less provocative
Junior Mints or Dentyne. It’s like
going into Hirons for prophylac
tics and coming out with a Norfolk
Pine and another set of wind
chimes.
Being seen eating those so
cially stigmatic candy bars is bad
enough without having to go
through the demeaning proce
dure of actually having to ask for
them, out loud, by name. (I tried
pointing once, but my aim was
bad and I ended up with Junior
Mints, anyway.)
Some of those names were
never meant to be verbalized in
public - even between two con
Olum issues amendment
By SEAN MEYERS
Of the Emerald
With an amendment longer
than the actual proposal, Paul
Olum, vice president of academic
affairs, made it clear to the mem
bers of the University Senate
Wednesday that if the University's
minority program were to be
shifted from the College of Arts
and Sciences into his jurisdiction,
he would rule with arbitrary author
ity.
Olum reacted to the proposed
administrative change with per
sonal insights about minority edu
cation and an amendment that
read:
"For programs whose timely
implementation is regarded as
important by the provost and for
which no decision has been made
by the Council (or, alternatively,
for which decisions made by the
Council have been disapproved), it
is understood that the provost will,
on his own determination, take
such action as he deems neces
sary.
The proposal asked only that
the newly re-organized minority
program be placed under Olum
rather than the administration of
the College erf Arts and Sciences.
Olum explained to the faculty,
while he had voted against minor
ity funding in the General Faculty,
he felt a need for the program.
“I have a very strong feeling
about the importance of minorities
getting the education the Univer
sity can provide. There will have to
be a minimum of administration,
because I will veto administration
efforts,” said Olum.
"One has to make it in a white
society.they're (the minorities)
not going to be made better blacks
or Chicanos or native Americans,
they're going to have to be made
better scientists and lawyers or
whatever.”
"I won't be doing it myself, de
spite what Pres. Boyd may have
said, but I'll take the responsibility,
good or bad,” said Olum. "If I do
veto the council's decision, I have
to explain my actions to the faculty
and the student body."
Although implementation of the
proposal could reduce the au
tonomy of the minority program,
Ed Coleman — who was behind
the original motion — gave Olum's
amendment an okay. “I think Mr.
Olum's ideas are compatible with
those of us who worked so hard to
put the program together," the as
sociate English professor said.
The minority programs get
about $200,000 per year. The Se
nate voted to recommend the ad
ministrative change to the Gen
eral Faculty without dissent.
Bower Aly withdrew Ns motion
on ROTC asking for an explana
tion to be sent to all faculty mem
bers about the General Faculty’s
recommendation to Pres. Boyd
that the ROTC program be se
vered from the University. "He
spoke orf reinstating it,” chairer
John Sherwood informed the as
sembly.
A motion by Leslie Turner on
establishing some firm policy and
regulations on grading procedure
drew heavy criticism from the
Rules Committee on over a half
dozen poihnts.
Nixing a suggestion that he re
adjust the proposal by the General
Faculty meeting next week.
Turner said, “I can inform the Se
nate that the members of the
committee are pretty tired of tackl
ing this problem. Maybe it would
be a good idea to drop this legisla
tion or recommend that a new
committee be formed. ’
The Senate voted 29-7-1 in
favor of recommending to the
General Faculty that action on the
issue be deferred until next year.
There will be a meeting of the
new Faculty Senate after
Wednesday s General Faculty
meeting. The only business will be
election of next year's officers.
Nixon favors trial over pardon
WASHINGTON (AP) — Former Pres. Richard
Nixon says he would have preferred "the agony of a
trial” to accepting a presidential pardon that he knew
made him look guilty. But, he said, "there was no
chance whatever I could get a fair trial.”
His mood alternating from bristling anger to
tum-on-turn-off smiles, Nixon spoke about his final
days in office, the pardon, "contemptible journalism,'
and Spiro T. Agnew, in a television interview Wed
nesday night.
He agreed with interviewer David Frost that "in
some ways” resignation was fate worse than death
and that it had been a shattering experience.
The fourth interview, winding up the current
series, ended with Nixon saying ruefully, "We have to
live with not only the past, but for the
future...whatever it brings, I’ll still be fighting.”
“Resignation meant life without purpose as far
as I was concerned," Nixon said. “No one in the
world, and no one in our history could know how I felt.
No one can know how it feels to resign the presi
dency of the United States.
“Is that punishment enough?” Nixon said with
strong feeling. "Oh, probably not."
To the question, “Did you, in a sense, feel that
resignation was worse than death?” Nixon said:
"In some ways. I didn’t feel it in terms that the
popular mythologists about this era write; that, well,
resignation is so terrible that I better go out and fall on
a sword, or take a gun and shoot myself... I wasn’t
about to do that. I never think in those terms, suicidal
terms, death wish and all that. That s all just, just
bunk.”
Highlights
SPIRO AGNEW: "He did tell me...to the very
last, that he did not feel that he was guilty of the
crimes, the charges that had been made against
him...I felt that in his heart he was a decent man. He
was an honest man. He was a courageous man. He
made mistakes; I made mistakes.”
WOODWARD AND BERNSTEIN: For those
who write history as fiction on thirdhand knowledge, I
have nothing but utter contempt. And, I will never
forgive them. Never.”
THEIR BOOK ‘FINAL DAYS’: "Mrs. Nixon read
it, and her stroke came three days later. I didn't want
her to read it because I knew the kind of trash it was
and the kind of trash they are...”
PARDONS FOR HALDEMAN AND EHR
LICHMAN: "I certainly intended to do it...Of course, I
had no idea then that I would be leaving office in the
wayihat I was leaving."
BEEF
BOX
seating adults. “I'll have two
Skrunches, a Big Hunk and No
Jelly, please. ” So gauche. Some
things are just better left unsaid.
Point: The candy counter in the
EMU (by the info desk), since it
has encased all of its goodies,
has become a source of paranoia
to me. I wonder if they might not
be losing more from "consumer
cowardice" than from the preval
ent "five-finger plan" which un
doubtedly forced them behind
glass in the first place.
I, for one, always walk away
with coins still making disturbing
noises inside my pack - some
thing I would like to avoid, but the
EMU makes it so difficult for me.
And I'd wager that this problem
touches the hearts of more peo
ple than anyone would care to
guess.
I can offer two plans. One, give
each item a number. It's wonder
fully impersonal that way. “I
would like numbers 7, 12, 16 and
20-29, please." That's so much
better.
Plan two came to me as I was
writing this letter. I found I was not
in the least bit embarrassed by
writing the words “Oompas" and
“Skrunch. ”
SkrunchSkrunchSkrunch
See? So, perhaps if they sup
plied scratch paper and pencils
at the cash register, we could just
write out our orders and slide
them accross the counter for the
clerk to fill. No need for talking at
all.
Please, ask them if they can do
something quickly. Vices never
die, they merely change form. I'm
afraid to think what form my
“Oompas Vice " will take if denied
much longer.
Sincerely,
Too Inhibited to Ask
Dear Too Inhibited,
With your absurd phobia, I sug
gest you change your vice. How
does the word “Oly” suit you?
3 OVERNIGHT
C NO MINIMUM
COPIES UNBOUND
KINKOS
1128 Alder 344*7894
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