A Typewriter
Warned In Hell
By JOCK HATFIELD
Of the Emerald
Crazies nab EMU
The EMU was stolen last night
The 400-ton building, which only
yesterday was sprawled in the
middle of campus like a dead oc
topus, disappeared in an obvious
act of terrorism. Officials termed
the disappearance "mysterious."
"They couldn't exactly have put
a 400-ton building in their pocket
and walked away, could they.”
one official laughed uneasily
The EMU, named for the late
Herman Emu, has never been sto
len before, although its endless
bends and curves have devoured
several students
We re confident this Is another
one of those silly college pranks,
said University Pres Bird
A note, tied to one of the late
EMU's foundation poles read,
you call this secunty9
Bible champ talks
University freshman Mark Z
Hughes received 13,423 free Bi
bles Wednesday, setting a cam
pus record Asked how he ac
complished the feat. Hughes re
plied, "I was doing a lot of walking
around campus, and I dunno,
people kept handing me books
Hughes says he does not plan to
read the Bibles "I ve seen the
movie, he says
Pre-prexies preen
For those who don t wi sh to vote
in the upcoming student elections,
here is a short summary of the
candidates:
Candidate Gary "the Greek
Feldman Born in the Bronx, the
Greek loves sitting around and
acting suave at IFC (I Feel
Crumby) meetings If elected he
promises to conveit all the EMU
bathrooms into offices, which
would then be given to Interna
tional Bowel Movements Inc
(IBM) for recruiting purposes
Candidate Dave Tyler Also of
the Frat Rat Pack, Tyler promises
if elected to tear down the barriers
between student factions — by
removing the partitions in the ox
ecutive suite Tyler plans no other
big moves for his administration
Candidate Eric Bellman In his
25 years as an undergraduate in
this University, Bellman has held
evory conceivable position in
ASUO up to and including class
monitor If elected he promises to
graduate and to clean the ASUO
erasers twice a day
Candidate Paul Bartel As
another member of the I Feel
Crumby committee Bartel talks a
lot, says little, means less His
favorite pastime is cutting up prog •
rams and making mosaics He
has checked out a book from the
library entitled How to Under
stand Pres Boyd in Five Easy
Lessons ' and is confident this will
help him solve the University s
problems
Candidate: Craig Geary Geary
is not a member of the Frat Rat
Pack Instead he is a leftover from
the '60s Asked why he is running
1
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for the office Geary replied Basi
cally I'm bored with my classes
What we need around here is stu
dent cooperation, revolution and
an intramural ping-pong league
Geary plans to use his political
science-history major to approxi
mate a time for revolution Right
now, I d say we can lit ourselves
into history at 4:25 pm March
21." he says
With these five fine choices, we
students can hardly go wrong on
election day
Innoculation for
mumps; measles
and more urged
April is National Immunization
Action Month and the Lane
County Health Division is urging
parents to be sure their children
are protected against mumps,
measles, polio and other dis
eases
More than 100,000 children
each year suffer from these dis
eases and others, such as
rubella, diplhoria. tetanusand per
tussis Some youngsters die and
others sutler complications such
as blindness, deafness, mental re
tardation and paralysis because
they lack protection
Parents who wish to take ad
vantage of the L ane County public
immunization clinics are encour
aged to do so this month
Youngsters who will bo
school next fall are required TO be
immunized against diptheria. per
tussis tetanus, polio and
measles Oregon State law re
quires four shots of DPT, three tor
polio and one for measles before a
child enters first grade Children
entering ttie school system from
out ol state, between the ages of
five and 14. are also required to
meet minimum state standards
The Lane County Health Divi
sion conducts immunization
clinics at ten locations There is a
$3 administrative charge lor
shots, however the charge can be
deferred if necessary Persons
17 and older are not takon at the
county immunization clinics and
must go to a private physics* lor
shots
For further information, call
Carol Ford, 687 4041. Lane
County Health Division
I
1
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appearing at the
Hayloft Tavern
5411 Mill Plain Blvd.
Vancouver,
Washington
April 28, 29 « 30
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8:30 & 11
Tickets $5.50
Available at all
Meier & Frank's
& the Hayloft
Tavern