Honors in hiding,
closeted in secrecy
Newsbreak — The Honors Col
lege has revolted from the Univer
sity and declared itself a separate
world. With cries of "we re better
than you guys the Honors Col
lege students barricaded them
sekres today in the basement of
Unfriendly Hall with piles of boring
books. It is unknown what the stu
dents are doing there, however, it
is rumored they are holding
numerous seminars.
We’ll teach them
while they’re gone
Newsbreak — In a recent
statement, Northwest Interview
College Pres Bird announced
classes will from now on be held
only during vacation.
When the one student who
turned out to protest Bird s prop
osal pointed out no one would be
here during vacation. Bird replied
so what.
Bird said classes will be accel
A Typewriter
Warmed In Hell
By JOCK HATFIELD
Of the Emerald
erated to fit the one and three
week Christmas and spring vaca
tion periods Students won t have
any trouble handling the accelera
tion since they won't be here,
said Bird.
- Under the vacation system stu
dents will be required to register
for 60,000 units Because of the
Universitys increased efficiency
under the system, student fees
will be quadrupled
Bird is quick to point out the Va
cation System's advantages. Un
limited classes will be offered ac
cording to Bird. 'Sure, as long as
there's no one here to take them,
7717
well give you extra courses in
Biology, CSPA, librarianship
whatever!" Bird declared en
thusiastically.
Another advantage, according
to Bird, would be a decrease in
registration costs. "Right now the
University spends several million
dollars each quarter bribing stu
dents to register under our anti
quated system, said Bird If stu
dents aren t here, it won t cost us
anything'
A vote on the vacation system
will be held dunng vacation As
long as they aren t here," com
mented Bird, I firmly believe in
letting students have the final
say
Journalists ready
for fight and famine
The journalism ma|or has been
underestimated of late Sure jour
nalism students have zero chance
of getting employed Sure if we get
employed the pay is negative
Sure we don t even begin to think
about this because we can t get
into journalism classes What of
it?
RENT A SPRING DAY
ON THE MILLRACE
For off-Millrace rentals call 686-4386.
The Canoe Shack located across Franklin Blvd. on the Millrace is open
Fri 4pn-dusk
Sat 12am-dusk
Sun 12am-dusk
Philosophy majors spew dust
Political science majors worry
about law school Philosophy ma
jors act weird But the journalism
ma|or is out there lighting corrup
tion, blasting lies and raking muck
In short, saving the world
I call that contnbution, and who
but a journalism major can do it?
Forget about the public relations
majors, the advertising majors
and other rabble I'm talking about
the newspaper journalists, the
good guys.
Ot course, one might point out
that if unemployed we good guys
are going to have a hard time ot it,
but that's what we like chat
lengo Long hours, sleepless
nights, the strong pull of a glisten
mg truth on the line ahhh1
Now it has been mentioned
there are more journalism stu
denis in school than journalistic
|Obs in the enlire galaxy Arc we
phased? Of course not We re
spond with a defiant HA, HA1
You see, we journalists have
IDEALS We are mankinds only
hope, and WE will not shirk the
challenge
$120 ca
Lovers’
Concerto
A perfcit expression of the
harmony expliu in marriage
»s the Ixaury of matching
wedding rinp
Skcie s knows this .1111i
always provides the jstrfrc f
ring for the young
University couples
Our Valley River store is
open evenings and
weekends