-editorial
Finally
We don’t want to add to students’ worries by remind
ing them that their entire future depends on their perfor
mance during the next five days. There’s no need to ap
plaud the uncanny appropriateness of the word ‘finals.’’
Everyone knows that for the next week they will risk
being scorned by their professors, disowned by their par
ents, shunned by employers and ridiculed by friends. It's
the price students pay for this cushy life.
So, accepting things as they are, we shall attempt to
give students some hints on how to deal with final exams.
The bits of advice that follow are gleaned from bitter ex
perience and, besides your social security number, are all
you need to know to graduate from any university.
MULTIPLE CHOICE TESTS:
If there's a yellow test and a pink test, the yellow test is
easier.
B and C are answers more often than A or D.
The guy next to you doesn’t know any more than you
do.
Things are seldom always true or never false. Avoid
absolutes.
Check your idiot sheet for symmetry and balance, but
avoid simple or obvious patterns.
Beware of ‘all of the above" and “none of the above."
If you’re really stumped by a question, look for the
answer in another question.
Remember, your professor is trying to trap you.
TERM PAPERS:
If you have term papers due this week, don’t
worry. Your professor won’t have time to grade them care
fully. Write a good first page, a good concluding paragraph
and an impressive bibliography and you’ll get by. The
middle pages can be any printed material.
Bulk is important. Some professors keep scales in
their offices and grade papers by weight. Use heavy bond
paper or light cardboard.
Use the same paper for several classes. Simply strike
out "Shakespeare" and insert “Freud" or “Keynes,” what
ever is required. Truth, after all, is eternal and unchanging.
Don’t plagiarize without proper attribution.
Use lots of charts and graphs, whether they pertain to
the subject matter or not.
Be as stodgy and impersonal as possible; avoid the
first person at all costs.
Neatness counts. A typed, double-spaced paper with
an attractive layout is half the game.
Remember, your professor wants you to flunk.
ESSAY EXAMS:
Structure your essay the way professors structure
their lectures; say what you’re going to say, say it, then say
what you said.
Qualify every statement you make.
Write about general trends and broad movements;
use specifics only as examples.
Don’t argue against your professor’s opinions unless
you really know your stuff.
Spend more than the suggested amount of time on the
main question and do the main question first.
Don’t write in pencil.
If you’re not sure of a fact, skip it or be vague.
If you don’t know the facts and can’t avoid having to list
them, invent the most plausible ones you can.
Remember, your professor wants revenge.
- |
“...and an athletic ticket, and a good registration time,
and two hundred shares of ITT!”
Letters
The Emere,'i will accept and
try to print all letters c ontaming
fair comment on ideas and to
pics of concern or inte rest to
the University commurity Be
cause of space limitations, let
ters must be no more than 250
words, typed, triple-spaced,
dated and signed with the
person's major. No unsigned
letters will be published
Longer opinion columns will
be published whenever pos
sible after being submitted to
the editorial page editor. The
limit on opinion columns is 800
words, using the same format
as letters.
Item of the week
The Status of Women Commit
tee has become increasingly con
vinced over the past couple of
years that there is still a genuine
need on our campus for increased
awareness/consciousness of
what discnmination is all about
After much discussion and input,
we have come to believe that a
regular spot in the Emerald called
something like "Discrimination
Item of the Week could be very
helpful. It couid perhaps contain
items similar to those in Ms.
magazine's “No Comment sec
tion, but all originating on this
campus.
We would like to see items sol
icited from the campus community
at large (e g., send the Emerald
your favorite no comment
event"); however, we would be
willing to provide items if or when
necessary and we already have a
small collection One of our cur
rent favorites comes from a stu
dent publication dealing with
"Student Rights," which contains
an illustration of two club-wielding
nude males' Another comes from
required reading in a required
course A study of “47 boys is
footnoted as follows "Of course
there were also girls but in the in
terest of economy of print we use
boys instead of boys and girls'.”
And under the heading "Over
heard in the Corridor we were
told of the pompous male adminis
trator who was leaving the office
and said to several women,
"Goodnight, girts One of the
elder women responded cheerily,
"Goodnight, boy
Another possible category of
items is "Title IX is alive and well
In one of the campus buildings the
only women s restroom with ac
cess from an administrative office
has been for three years locked
from 12 noon to 1 o clock After
three years of futile protests,
memos and pleading, an angry
woman professor waved Title IX
at the male administrator, insisting
that the women's room be un
locked, or the men's restroom be
used by both sexes, or that the
men s room also be locked during
that hour. Within a few days, that
which had been impossible for
three years became possible and
the women s restroom was un
locked
We would very much ap
preciate your consideration of this
matter and would welcome dis
cussion with you about any way in
which we could be of help Please
contact Myrtice Butler, Speech
Pathology, Chairer of the Status of
Women Committee, for more in
formation. Thanks for listening
and we hope to hear from you.
Gunilla Finrow—Architecture
for Status of Women
Committee
Privacy rights
This letter is to commend the
position taken in your editorial of
Dec. 9 in support of the Buckley
Amendment As you know, this is
a law which was enacted by Con
gress a couple of years ago. for
the purpose of ensuring to stu
dents certain rights rotative to per
sonal information on them which is
held and kept by educational in
stitutions This legislation grants
to students the statutory right to
inspect and review personal in
formation records held by the in
stitutions, with the right to chal
lenge the accuracy of any such
records In addition, institutions
are required to keep track of all
those persons who obtain access
to the personal files of any stu
dent Finally, the legislation grants
to students the right to restrict ac
cess on any or all items classified
as ' directory information "
ft is hoped that students will be
come informed about their rights
under the Buckley Amendment,
exercising such rights when
deemed appropriate It is for all
persons concerned about the
individual s right to privacy to
commend Congress for enacting
such valuable legislation. and to
speak out against positions taken
by University officials to repeal
this legislation
Mark Cogan
ASUO Vice President For State
Affairs
Ad misconstrued
Some important people may
have misconstrued the object of
our advertisement in the Emerald
concerning HE406 Psychoactive
Drugs. The objective of the Center
is to reduce misuse and abuse of
over-the-counter, pharmaceuti
cal, herbal, and illicit substances
through information and educa
tion.
It is unfortunate that when one
hears the word "drug,'' there is an
immediate connotation of illegal
ity, when in point of fact there are
about 216 legal drugs for every
illegal drug.
The Center has never and will
never advocate the use of any
drug; this decision must be made
by an individual who has carefully
weighed alt physiological,
psychological, social, and legal
implications of chemical use.
Richard N. Warner, Director
Mark A. Miller, Chairman
Drug Information Center
ttNAlWN P AID YOU IN