(_Commentary
Dick Huddleston
Messages for Canadians and friends
Pierre Le Pigeon screamed under an
incredible violence barrier early
yesterday morning with some long
awaited news of the Barrens to the North. I
could hardly believe my eyes when I found
him perched high atop the flag outside our
apartment. Immediately I knew
something was afoul. And what was worse
(if not the pun), when I beckoned Pierre to
get off that silly flag pole, he seemed not to
know me for what 1 was. Pierre stayed
only a moment to detach a neatly-rolled
parchment which floated into my grasp.
Like most foreign parchment, it was
terribly frail. As I began to unroll the
paper I saw tiny black writing stretching
the length of the script. Focusing my
binoculars into view, I struggled with the
scrawling semi-print which was no doubt
some kind of bizarre code to throw off the
RCMP and other pigeon hunters. I was
only able to discern the following wire
reports (date unknown, but then again
news from up there is better than no news
at all).
Victoria. B.C. Mrs. (ms) Erma Mc
Dougall, long-time neighbor to Prime
Minister W.A.C. Bennett, demonstrated in
front of the Empress Hotel on Wednesday
morning. The elderly matron babbled
profusely, leading our reporter to believe
she was incensed with Bennett’s rumored
scale of his house to the Raineer Brewing
Company of Seattle , Washington in ex
change for another new beer recipe.
Somewhat calmed later during the news
conference, Erma begged for a wee nip of
her Scotch heritage to keep the country
above water. As usual the Prime Minister
was temporarily disconnected for com
ment.
Hoping, B.C. Fred Cameron raised his
grass prices again yesterday. The in
crease marked a new record high of sixty
five cents a gallon. Hiis reporter was
surprised to learn of the high price but
apparently Fred wants the money. During
a short short interview, Ms. Cameron said,
“We’re trying to get ’em before they hit
the Fraser Canyon and wider spaces.
We’ve put our station at the edge of town,
for the ‘last chance to gas up routine’!”
Ms. Cameron denied any middle men were
involved, claiming it came straight across
the border.
Edmonton, Alberta Demonstrators
picketing the high price charged to
Proctor and Gamble for Alberta threw
trees out of the capital building today.
Premier Lougheed declared he was not
being unfair assessing the New York
concern five cents for each tree taken out
of Alberta. But protesters were vehement
in their demands to give away the mer
chandise claiming that the government
didn’t “own” nature’s forests. Another
demonstration is planned for tomorrow,
and their leader Taddy Smith hai
threatened another hunger strike.
Sweet Hope, Sask. Psychologists
Milton Mountaindune and Elizabeth Brady
announced that children in Saskatchewan
have forgotten their friends to the South.
When asked how this fact will affect the
National Policy, Mountaindune declared,
“We’ll simply have to lift our embargo on
American T.V. and National Public Radio.
How else can we get these children
together?”
Winnipeg, Man. One Hundred Years of
the Manitoba White Man climaxed the
Biscuit Theater run of the 1871-1971 Cen
tennial Celebration. Hie Royal Winnipeg
Ballet were mobbed following their heroic
rendition of This Land Was Their Land.
However, mixed audiences may be in
troduced next year according to Chief
Running Barrel. “Our people wouldn’t
understand so we might as well join in the
fun,” said Barrel with a rather different
look in his eye.
Ottawa, Ont. Reporters flocked to
Uplands Airport from as far West as North
Bay, Ont. for the Prime Minister’s annual
news conference. The twin-engine Beaver
crunched down at 9:00 P.M. after an
uneven flight from the Riviera. 1116 event
coincided with the Amchitka Blast but a
glance at His Honor dressed in his
everlasting beaver coat dispelled anv
thoughts for the present. The P.M. and
Mrs. (ms) P.M. had a lovely vacation ....
Finally His Honor asked what was
happening at home. No one seemed to
know but several reporters suggested our
manufacture of bullets should be curtailed
to honor the Blast. The P.M. carefully
reminded the press of their thankless
attitude toward protection and free speech
and our commitment to continue in
whatever needs to be continued. Several
hours later as this last hanger-on begged
his leave, His Honor declared he might as
well go home too.
Montreal. Que. Rene Levesque
thought by some to be a Friendly Leader of
Quebec was apparently charged with hit
and-run by the Provincial Police.
Spokesmen for Mr. Levesque stated, “as
usual the charges were unfair, false, put
up, and “Angelic.” The confessed
Mr.Levesque erringly and unknowingly
backed into the Molsen Limousine at the
Montreal Forum, but in no way was at
tempting to leave the accident behind.
Provincial Police would not deny Mr.
Levesque’s apprehension nor would they
indicate how long he could be held.
St. John’s, Nfld. Premier Joey
Smallwood crept out of his fog-horn high
atop Signal Hill yesterday declaring “I am
I am I am ... in control even if nobbody
wants to vote for me.” Mr. Smallwood
launched into a long harangue but the
screech was so heavy on this script writer
and a local ship-dog that we had to leave
the Premier to his own. The fog quickly
engulfed us again—and we were as much
in the dark as ever.
Hay River, N.W.T. Government of
ficials enjoyed a pleasant flight east over
the barrens of Northern Manitoba and the
North West Territories. But according to
one of the litter carriers, there was no sign
of Farley Mowat’s dear People. The
official stated, “It’s a barren land with
nothing at all, nothing at all to live on. I’d
be very surprised if there were any People
there at all. How could these People exist
without food? In fact it could be that there
were never any People living in that area.
Everyone knows Farley Mowat has a
somewhat unbridled imagination. . . .”
Farther-to-the-North-Somewhere,
N.W.T. Santa issued his Pre-Christmas
greeting today stepping out to wave to
Rudolph and Prancer (Dancer was off
somewhere with Donner.) Santa lamented
the wage-price freeze this year, declaring
it will be impossible to get any further
south than Key Biscayne. However, Santa
insisted his trip would be a joyous occasion
if only to see all those little igloos
everybody is sprouting up where there’s no
snow. “Makes me feel right at home,” the
lovely old man grunted, “A joy to the Soul
and makes me want to wish my friends a
Merry Christmas.”
( Letters
Without Thinking
We are often quick to criticize without
thinking. Bruce Jancin's letter in
Tuesday’s Kmerald is a good example.
True, the Co-op prices are not always
competitive, but 1 would not classify the
surroundings as ‘‘sterilized" or the per
sonnel as "obnoxious".
Furthermore, the only people who
should feel like criminals are criminals,
and if the mere presence of (and I use the
term loosely) "detectives" makes 4
"nearly impossible to enjoy flipping
through a magazine or browsing down the
aisles" for some people, then those people
have more hang-ups than I care to discuss
now 1 personally have never noticed any
“flunky floorwalkers", nor felt any
inhibitions because of the fear of what
somebody in the Co-op might see, mainly
because I have nothing to hide. Besides, I
consider the thought of plainclothes ob
servers a lot more acceptable than
massive price raises due to extensive
theft, although I must admit that it is too
bad that they are required.
But Mr. Jancin's attack on the
referendum is totally unjustified. No
matter what the Co-op tries (o do, they
can’t win. When they think that they may
have found a partial solution to the ram
pa.it theivery. and make an effort to
contact the students for an opinion before
making any decision, they are attacked
with such reasoning as, “perhaps they are
unaware that many students are so turned
off by the Co-op that they won’t go inside,
even to cast a W vote.” I say that if a
person won’t even go inside a building for
» few seconds to cast a ballot against
something which he is wildly opposed to,
then his vote doesn’t matter anyway, since
he will obviously never come in to the store
except in the most extreme emergency.
This is a chance for the students to
make their opinion known! And fur
thermore, this is not the only chance. I
would like to know how many times Mr.
Jancin has brought his complaints to the
manager, or even taken five minutes of his
time to write a letter. Or how many times
he has attended a Co-op board meeting.
People seem to think that when
so mething is wrong, they personally are
getting screwed-over by the power group.
Then, they squawk and bitctT and raise
feelings of resentment, but never once do
they get off their lazy ass and try to make
constructive changes. If YOU don’t like it,
show it!
Hiis same thing happened a few
months ago, when someone wrote a
flamboyant letter to the Emerald com
plaining about the price of wax. The next
day, the manager of the Co-op also wrote a
letter, expressing his regret over a
mistake, and would people please call
future problems to his attention, before
they started creating useless hostilities.
I think what this world needs is a little
more co-operation and a lot more com
munication.
Steve Hallock
Sophomore
(
"...and this little, old grey-haired
lady asks me, "Are they phantom
Jets, young man?”, and I says,
"Yes, ma'am, they are." And
then she slugged me!”