Motto of the Oregon Daily Emerald:
“You can fool too many of the people too much of the time”
April Fools
We Have Our Yearly
April Fools Day Fun
Today is April 1, 1963. and as has prob
ably been the case for some hundreds of
years, it is sort of a special day when nor
mally honest and truthful people take a
day off from reality.
In some circles, April Fools Day is con
sidered rather a silly custom and one that
should be done away with, but in other
circles it is considered a sort of refreshing
break from the tedium of day to day exist
ence.
For what it is worth, this is the Emerald’s
traditional April Fools edition put out by
popular demand (there are lots of fools in
April as in the rest of th* year).
This edition is published for a variety of
reasons, one of which is that it’s sort of fun.
Also, it demonstrates to a degree, the
extent to which people wilK believe what
they read, if only for a minute. Some people
get taken in several times.
All stories, of course, are completely
false, except for a few items which have
been clearly marked as being true which
were included because of the necessity that
they be printed today.
Our Stand
Seldomly have so great problems beset
the University. All sorts of crises have we
had. but none so great as this. Badly will we
suffer greatly should nothing be done to eli
minate this grievous problem.
So great has the evidence of the problem
become of this controversial problem that
ASUO President Geil Nold has said: “Never
in the history of the University should so
many owe so much to so so few.”
Indeed, political science instructor Ar
thur S. Flemming has said: “The long-range
aspects of this problem certainly bear bear
ing in mind. We should be fainthearted in
our constant striving to eliminate this in
justice. Or, what I mean is, we should not
be fainthearted in our constant striving to
eliminate our problem. Or our problems,
rather. What made me say that, I wonder.
Usually I don’t have any trouble expressing
my opinions. What could have made me slip
on a little word like that, I wonder.”
Comments on the problem have come
from all over. Student Union Director Si
Ellingson, for example, said in the Fish
bowl; “Could you pass the cream over here
when you’re finished with it, please?”
Yes indeed, it gratifying neat indeed to
see all factions of the University society
band together against this common menace.
Said Emerald Editor Ron Gruel: “I think
it’s cool as hell. I mean, all these people
gathered together against a common men
ace, and all. That really gets me. I think
we’ll probably come out and make some
sort of stand on this thing; if I can find out
what happened to the editorial board. It’s
the sort of thing that really calls for some
sort of statement, isn’t it?”
Indeed it is. That is why the Emerald de
mands that something be done to eliminate
this tremendously overwhelming bad evil
that is confronting the campus even now,
probably. Unless the Administration does
something about this regrettable bad situa
tion, it can be sure that the Emerald will
take it severely to task.
That is why we join with Dean of the
Journalism School John “Gentle” Hulteng
in saying: “What the devil’s going on here,
anyway?”
Letters to the Editor
Wonderful Job
Emerald Editor:
May I take this opportunity
to congratulate you on the won
derful job you have been doing
all year. You have set high
standards of journalism, which
I hope you will carry into the
field after graduation. Your cov
erage of the Homer Tomlinson
affair was magnificent, your re
porting of the Gus Hall adven
ture excellent, and your treat
ment of the Columbus Day
storm spine-tingling.
Again, congratulations.
Eli Thatcher
Senior, Bus. Ad.
* * *
Lousy Job
Emerald Editor:
As usual, you rotten kids
have screwed up the works
again. Everything was going
nice and smoothly until you
got it into your sick little heads
that fraternities had been haz
ing.
And pretentious! What ever
gave you bumbling morons the
idea that you were competent
to cover the state legislature?
You couldn’t cover the legisla
ture with a blanket! Besides,
who the devil wants to know
what’s going on in Salem any
way. You guys are supposed to
be putting out a campus news
paper, not a legislative newslet
ter. Stick to home, children.
Why don’t you keep your
malignant minds on matters that
concern you? Are fraternities
any of your business? Is the leg
islature? Was Gus Hall? Is the
ASUO Senate? No. They’ve got
their jobs to do, and you’ve got
yours. Your job is to report
meetings and speeches, and by
George, that’s all you should do.
And by the way, through what
power of perception did it come
to you° that the Side was going
to be torn down? I have never
heard a more preposterous story
in my life. You degenerates
shouldn’t be expelled. You
should be spanked. In fact, you
should be thrashed to within
an inch of your worthless lives,
and I would sure like to do it.
I bet you’re chicken to print
this.
Francois Sugihara
Freshman, Philosophy
Best College Newspaper
Emerald Editor:
I am writing this letter to
tell you that I think you are
putting out the best college
newspaper I have ever seen.
Your editorials make lots of
sense and your news stories are
interesting and entertaining.
You are really great people and
I have a lot of respect for the
job you are doing. Thank you
for brightening up so many of
my days.
Marie of Rumania
* e *
Worst College Newspaper
Emerald Editor:
I am writing this letter to
tell you that I think you are
putting out the worst college
newspaper I have ever seen.
Your editorials never make
sense and your news stories are
very uninteresting and always
fail to entertain. You are also
worthless people and I have
absolutely no respect for the
job you are doing. However, I
am no expert.
J. Arthur Hayes
Editor, New York
Times
I
v r
COMGHESSAAAM AT L
This Is Our Stuff
OREGON DAILY EMERALD
The Oregon Daily Emerald i* published
*even tines in September and fne day* a
*frk du ing the school y«r; except dur
ing rxan tnati-m ami vacation per.ods by
the Stucent Publication** H ath of the
I’ntverd > of Oregon Entere! a* w-tood
cUn mater at the post of/ice, f ugene,
Oregon. Subicnplion rate*. $3 per >ear;
$J per term.
Opinio i* expressed on the editorial page
are those of The I .in 'rah! at d do not |»re
tend to represent the opiums of the
A>U(J or the University
RON BUEL. Editor
MARTI* KETKLS, Mutin''. Matugcr
TED MAHAK. Managing Editor
EVER LTTE DENNIS. News Editor
PHIL COGSWELL,
Fditoral Page Editor
LARRY WILLIAMS,
Advertising Manager
JOHN BUCHNER. Sport* Editor
DULCY MORAN,
Ai tiitant Managing Editor
RON COWAN, JIM ERAKK.
JANET GOETZE.
Assistant News Editors
GEORGE HICHAM, Photo Editor
LINDA BROWN, Entertainment Editor
C ATHY NEVILLE,
THORA WILLIAMS,
Associate News Editors
DICK RICHARDSON,
Feature Editor.
EDITORIAL BOARD:
Ron Hurl, Phil Cogswell Ted Mahar
Everette Dennis,
Dulcy Moran, Lind; Brown
Bob Fcriyth, Hal Snow,
Grant ledger wood, D< ug Hagen
Janet (Joetic, and Bill fitrhi-on