LET
THERE
ae
LIGHT,
Feature: Albert Drake
THOUGHT FACETS wasn't intellectual, didn't
you? Well, if you haven't had your fill of “mid
terms” this week, here is a quick quiz to test your
literary knowledge. All of the following quotes were
taken from books that every college student should
have read by the time he graduates (with the pos
sible exception of number 5). I won't moralize and
assume you are a clod if you haven't read them but
I think they are fairly representative (along with
four or five dozen other booksi of ‘ good" literature
mainly in the contemporary field. The only prize
offered is a boost to the ego if you have read the
books and make correct guesses, and a lot of good
reading if haven't and don’t.
The answer are upside-down at the bottom of the
quiz; turn the paper over stand on your head
(choose one).
1. “You just take your dress off." Quentin
said. Caddy took her dress off and threw it
on the bank. Then she didn't have on anything
but her bodice and drawers, and Quentin slap
ped her and she slipped and fell down in the
water.”
2. ‘‘There were only about five or six other
kids on the ride, and the song the carrousel was
playing was “Smoke Ciets in \our Ityes. It
was playing it very jazzy and funny . . . The
thing with kids is, if they want to grab f<»r
the gold ring, you have to let them do it. and
not sav anything. It' they fall off. they fall off.
but it's bad if you say anything to them.”
3. “Troops went by the house and down the
road and the dust they raised powdered the
leaves of the trees. The trunks of the trees
too were dusty and the leaves fell early that
year and we saw the troops marching along
the road and the dust rising and leaves, stirred
bv the breeze, falling and the soldiers march
ing and afterward the road bare and white ex
cept for the leaves."
4. “There is no such thing as a moral or an
immoral book. Books are well written, or bad
ly written. That is all ... It is the spectator
and not life that are really mirrors . . . We can
forgive a man for making a useful thing as
long as he does not admire it. The only excuse
for making a useless thing is that one admires
it intensely. All art is quite useless.
5. “‘Christmas is a fraud . . . Jesus was a
Celt and Judas was British.’
There were grumbles shall I stop him, will
we have him thrown out? Clocklan spoke up,
if any man here so much as touches the fair
hair of Dangerfield I will remove his jaw.
‘Thank you, Percy. Now as you all know,
Christmas is a fraud. Jesus was a mick and
Judas a lime. I am king beast. A big muscular
Yank ... Now 1 have it from good source> that
some of you own pig sties and I must confess
that the rearing of pigs to me is extremely
distastful. But I know that you people have
bacon hidden in your attics and beef and hides
in the cellar and the best of clarets and brand
ies. But I’m a man for bedlam . .
6. “He lies buried in the corner of his church
yard, in the parish of-, under a plain marble
slab, which his friend Ettgenius, bv leave of
his executors, laid upon his grave, with no
more than these three words of inscription
serving both for his epitaph and elegy.
Alas, poor YORICK!
Ten times a day has Yorick’s ghost the con
solation to hear his monumental inscription
read over with such a variety of plaintive
tones, as denote a general esteem and pity for
him.”
7. “A man that is born falls into a dream
like a man who falls into the sea. If he tries
to climb out into the air as inexperienced peo
ple endeavor to do. he drowns . . . The way
is to the destructive element submit your
self ...”
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* ♦ * * * *
I FOUND A couple of really great seldom
checked out books in the library the other
day. You know, the kind you come across
when you are looking for a reference book but
then can never find again in the 650.000 vol
umes the library contains.
One, “W itchcraft in England,” can he found
in the department of pseudo-science in the
First Annex. This could be the text hook for
Survey of W itchcraft. Deni 101; the author
is Christina Hole. One reading is enough to
qualify you as an amateur witch-hunter al
though there are plenty of those around here
and 1 doubt if many of them have read any
books on the subject.
The other two are by Max Beerbohm ; “Fifty
Caricatures" is a book of caricatures of public
figures, mainly British, who were prominent
at the turn of the last century.
“A Christmas Garland” is a wonderful ser
ie> of parodies on great writers, each written
in the style of that writer being parodied.
FOR THOSE who like to read material
aimed at the college student, “Collage." a new
publication with it> third issue coming out
next month, is worth the price. Not another
“cool" magazine of the sort with the girlies on
the pop-out middle pages, Collage i» more the
college student's Xew Yorker type, if you need
an image. Also, for those who are interested,
it creates another potential market for the stu
dent writer.
BOOKS THAT MAYBE SOMEONE
ELSE WILL LIKE AS WELL AS I DID
DEPARTMENT: Charles Beaumont, with his
three hooks of short stories: “Yonder,” (“for
the friend in each of us"), “Night Ride,”
(“flights into the sinister and the fantastic"),
and “The Hunger,” ("most people need a vio
lent shudder now and then”), has created a
good solid position for himself in that field
of wirting the college student tends to scorn :
the field of fantasy entertainment. Many of his
stories have those necessary items that a
“good” piece of writing should have: theme,
symbolism, acute characterization, and all of
his stories have a definite individual style. But
some of them are merely peculiar stories of
the type the late H. P. Lovecraft (anybody re
member him?) used to write. The type of read
ing that is not aimed at social reform, poses
no problem for the reader to solve or anything
like that, but is just “good reading,” the kind
I enjoy as a momentary switch from the text
books.
' '• '.
what they
are saying
FEATURE: BANGS TAPSCOTT
All men are created equal. John I>. has more
money than me. Therefore, John 1). was never
created.
—Beauregard h'ortz
In a democracy, all men are equal. John I).
has more money than me. Therefore, John U.
is an undemocratic s.o.b.
—Byron Xif
In this democratic land of oars, all men are
equal. Bob Oppenheinier is smarter than me.
Therefore, Oppenheimer is a goddam Commie
spy.
—Charlie McCarthy
Under tin- American democracy, all men are
equal. Equal means the same. The same means
not different. Negroes are .» different color
than me. Therefore:
(a) They are not really Americans.
(I>) Their living in the L'.S. is a breach of
our democratic principles.
(c) They are not men.
(d; They should be lynched.
—John Casper
If all men are equal, then how did the clods
get like they are?
—Sgnab Ttoospat
A man is equal to the sum of his accomplish
ments. All men are equal to each other, 't here
fore. I am equal to the sum of Aristotle’s ac
complishments. Fall down and worship me!
—Xif
America was founded as a great Christian
democracy. Gambling and fornication are in
compatible with Christianity. Therefore, no
body in the U.S., except subversives, wishes
to gamble or fornicate.
—Congressional Record
“We go to the garrick now and become
warbs," he said.”
—J. Thurher
“I have sedd my birthright for a mess of
Proust.”
—(.rue
Excriumus? Exerunt?
What is the English word lor a chicken
without hones?
The word egg, spelled EGG, coming from
the Latin, egg. meaning pullet without hones
, . . or. chicken without bones.
Conjugated in the following manner:
1st person singular EGO
I AM A CHICKEN WITHOUT BONES
2nd person singular EXIST
YOU ARE A CHICKEN
WITHOUT BONES
3rd person singular EXIT
HE, SHE, IT IS A CHICKEN
WITHOUT BONES
1st person plural EXCEMA
WE ARE CHICKENS
WITHOUT BONES
future imperative EXEMPT
I SHALL NOT BE A CHICKEN
WITHOUT riONES
3rd person plural past tense EXHUME
THEY WERE CHICKENS
WITHOUT BONES
* NOTE: It shall be noted at this point the
omission of the plural . . . EGGS, meaning
chickens without bones.
don jackson
(Courtesy of “Lemon Punch”)
WHO IS HIDING
all the material we need for FACETS?
We want fiction, poetry, essays, reviews,
critical works, art work (suitable for re
production), cartoons, etc. This is an in
vitation for anyone, graduate and under
graduate students alike, and in any de
partment of the school, to submit material
for consideration. If anyone has material
which they feel is suitable for publica
tion, either drop it in the envelope in The
Emerald office, Allen Hall, or contact Al
bert Drake, DI 3-3931.