+ EMERALD EDITORIALS +
Letter to the Gods
(Editor’s Note: Laugh if you will at the
editorial which follows, but the one Junior
Weekend the Emerald did not run the
“Letter to the Gods,” it rained. So not
wanting to arouse the wrath of the Gods,
the Emerald offers the following prayer
for good Junior Weekend weather. It was
originally composed May 6, 1941. and it’s
worked ever since. Aaron “Buck” Buch
wach is the author. The editor who defied
tradition (and was rained on) was Jim
Haycox, Spring 1953 editor.)
When the occasion demands, and in truth
it has on numerous occasions, the Portland
Oregonian and the Oregon Journal have re
sorted to their editorial columns in an at
tempt to influence weather conditions.
Now, there is no exact procedure for a
journalist to follow when he is begging for
rain for poor farmers gazing at the sky with
parched throats, for verily, it takes a com
bination of subtle demanding, varied plead
ing, and good-natured hoping to achieve such
desired results.
The Emerald, although of course it ado
lescently blushes when compared to such
time-honored orgaitfe as the Oregonian and
Journal, is driven to adopt such tactics,
however, by Jupe Pluvius, that old gentle
man who loves the Oregon country so well
and so much that he delights in spraying
it often and thoroughly ... especially when
asked to by the Portland papers.
But now, Mr. Pluvius, the Emerald asks
you politely, but firmly, to shift your sched
ule in such a manner so as not to spoil our
Junior Weekend . .. The farmers have had
their misty blessings, and the Oregonian and
the Journal have received their just due, and
the city pavements, too, are washed clean
by the sweet Oregon mist. What the Uni
versity* asks now is for you, Mr. Pluvius, to
rest on your laurels for awhile, and visit
someone else.
There is reason to believe that you intend
to scare us a bit. In fact, you have. The rain
clouds have washed our baseball teams hither
and yon, our track meets have been held in
semi-wintry weather, and our golf and tennis
teams have been forced to completely aban
don their frolicking.
But please, Mr. Pluvius, (or Jupe, for
we know you but too well) don’t come
around with your clouds and your tricks.
Our Moms will be down for the Weekend
festivities, and forsooth—they will be at
tired in their springiest of spring outfits
and their hats will be of the kind to bring
male smiles. But we want to take them to
the campus luncheon to see the queen and
her court of beautiful princesses crowned,
and my goodness, how the raindrops do
raise havoc with even a proud mother’s
finest apparel.
The Portland papers have more important
advertisers, and have more influence, per
chance, Mr. Jupiter Pluvius, but not even
they will praise you with much more en
thusiasm and open mouthed admiration it
you will but take your vacation.
And if you have to take that storm, which
is declared by some pessimistic meteorolo
gists to be coming out of Newport way
somewhere, perchance you could deposit it
at Stanford, California, or even CSC.
Just for the weekend, jrou understand.
We want you as our permanent resident
up here in Oregon, Jupe, to freshen our
flowers, to clean our streets, and to keep
our soil rich and red.
But not Junior Weekend, please.
Money and Us
We’ve heard a lot of talk about the state
board's decision to raise tuition $d0 next
year. Many people have said that the Em
erald should lead a crusade against the in
creased tuition.
But stop and think about it for a minute.
The State Board did not get anywhere near
the appropriation it felt it needs to run the
state’s colleges for the next two years.
The money has to come from somewhere
—and tuition was the logical source of the
needed revenue.
We’re unhappy as the next student about
the increase, but we can't see where the state
board had any alternative. Certainly the addi
tional $10 a term will be a hardship on many,
but the state board and the legislature have
an obligation to the entire state to maintain
the best possible institutions of higher learn
ing. And that requires funds.
We can’t see where even the legislature
had many alternatives—it faced staggering
budget problems, and it’s tax program still
faces possible rejection by the people of the
state.
The increase in tuition is unfortunate—
but it’s here, and the best thing we can do is
try to live with it.
Footnotes
Why is it that the guys who work at
Maxie's always go to the Paddock after clos
ing and the guys who work at the Paddock
always go to Ernie's?
INTERPRETING THE NEWS
Cold War Entering New Chapter,
But Hope for Agreement Not High
BY J. M. ROBERTS
AP News Analyst
World diplomatic developments
have taken on a vastly changed
aspect in the last few days.
1— Russia has stated that she
wants to end the cold war. That
must be taken with salt. Rus
sia’s concepts of what the cold
war is and how it can be ended
are probably worlds apart from
the western concept. Otherwise
that would mean what the world
has so devoutly hoped for—that
something would happen to
change Russia, and that inter
national communism as an en
tity would be dead. The day has
not yet come.
What Premier Bulganin
really meant is that Russia
wants to change tactics for a
while.
2— President Eisenhower and
the North Atlantic Council both
have lumped Asiatic and Euro
pean peace together for the first
time. The action of the NATO
council in issuing a statement
about the far eastern situation
was unusual, taking it far out
side its normal field.
The President’s statement sug
gested that the impending Big
Four meeting, which suddenly
took on a concrete aspect when
he decided it was time for it,
can become a world peace con
ference. He said he thought the
top level meeting might last
only a very few days, but that
the foreign ministers could there
after work for months if ne
cessary on the issues which
would be laid before them.
' 3—Russia has agreed to cer
tain concessions to western opin
ion on disarmament. United Na
tions observers considered this
significant, but pointed out that
Russia still is sticking to the
gimmick of the Security Coun
cil veto to prevent any future
developments she doesn’t like.
This could vitiate any agreement,
just as she has vitiated other
agreements such as the one for
establishment of free govern
merits in Eastern Europe.
4—Red China’s Chou En-Lai
promised, in reply to a British
suggestion, to amplify his recent
suggestion at Bandung for talks
with the United States.
In this connection, Russia
should welcome the President’s
suggestion that the Big Four
talks can range around the
world. Moscow has been saying
for five years that a confer
ence on that subject should be
held.
There is a growing feeling
that, before anything concrete
can be approached regarding the
Far East, the Peiping regime
will have to be represented in
some way in the United Nations.
There is nothing to indicate
that this is even the beginning
of the end of the east-west
struggle
Hopes for fundamental agree
ments should not be allowed to
get too high. But there is no
denying that a new chapter in
the conflict is opening.
A DAY AT THE ZOO
Drowning Concludes
Revived Canoe Fete
By Bob Funk
Emerald Columimt
One spring at a University
you have never heard of because
a IJfe photographer did NOT
take pictures for a story en
titled "Life Visits a Revived
Canoe Pete at the University of
(Blank),’’ there was a revived
Canoe Fete.
Five million ten-dollat bleach
ers, six hundred thousand five
dollar bleachers, and a standing
room only compound for faculty
members and incorrigtbles were
constructed along a small trickle
of water (which
drained from
Joe’s Kwik Kar
warsh Into a
manhole) which
happened to be
jwimming with
Tradition. Ev
eryone became
sentiments I 1 y
excited and went
around hum
•nirig "As I Sit
and Dree-am at Eeev'ning.”
Persons with their shirts off be
came red building floats on bar
rels and sampans and fraternity
dogs that looked as if they might
float if properly coached.
One day after Joe’s Kar
w arsh had been particularly
busy and the water level was
high, stars burst and history
straid still, and the Canoe
Pete was revived. It was very
lovely and everyone cried. They
cried partly for the past, and
partly because they would
never be back in the future due
to the new University cover
charge. As the night came
down the pink and other-sen
tlmental - coloured spotlights
went on and music commenced.
First, a Pepsi-Cola bottle float
ed past with a note in it which
said "Joe loves Millicent.” It
was not really supposed to start
the parade, but it had been
thrown in, rather inexplicably,
by Carolyn "Pooh-Bah" Smith.
Then, as "Pomp and Circum
stance" swelled out of the night,
the President of the University,
Oh Hoopdedoop Iconslugger
floated past on his back in full
academic regalia (Dear Dr. Icon
slugger: if this is called to your
attention I sure hope you have a
sense of humor). Dr. Iconslugger
was followed, in silent dignity, by
the Board of Deans, all of whom
were extremely bouyant except
one dean who kept sinking, ris
ing, grasping, and then rather
resignedly sinking again.
Next, last year’s winners of
the Koyl and tierlinger cups
floated past in those shimmer
ing receptacles. They were pro
pelled by spurts of water shot
out of bottles significantly la
belled EXCELSIOR.
Following in the excelsior
spray was, quite inexplicably,
Carolyn "Pooh-Bah" Smith, ex
ecuting a crawl.
The music changed to "The
Star Spangled Banner,” and the
Queen’s float hove into view.
Hove is rather a weak word to
describe what the Queen’s float
did, actually. Supposedly, the
Queen and her four princesses
were to sit on the float aurround
e<l by little frilly crepe-paper
things and light and admiration.
However, two of the princeasea
were otherwise employed In pro
pelling the float from the water
behind: two other* were bailing,
and only the queen, Probably
Maudlin Carr (Queen Probably
the First) aat on her assigned
throne. Beside her, aomewhat
uninvited, was the preceding
year's queen, who waa being just
the slightest bit difficult about
giving up the post. Next to them
sat a member of the State Board
of Education who liked gods.
And next to him sat his wife,
who knew he liked ’em. On the
extreme left sat Carolyn "Pooh
Bah" Smith, which everyone
found inexplicable.
It was obvious that the Queens
float was the climax of the
show. There was open sobbing
in the stands as the float passed.
Queen Probably waved a scented
arm, and fifteen athletes and
two department heads fainted.
Suddenly, however, the Queen's
barque lurched or alurched
i whichever it was, it was sicken
ing.)
"Something down here's punc
tured,” muttered one of the
bailing princesses. "I think we've
got a flat in one of our pontoons.
For a time nothing much
happened except that the bot
tom tier of crepe-paper disap
peared. Then, in desperation,
the occupants of the float were
forced to jettison the last
year's queen. She was followed
by the state hoard member
and his lady; the four prin
cesses; and finally even Caro
lyn “Pooh-Bah" Smith. Qurrn
Probably stood alone, still war
ing, still scented. Still the
barque sank.
"The Star Spangled Banner-'
stopped. The Phi Belch frater
nity quartet pre-empted the mi
crophone, and made known the
amusing fact that It wan they
who had punctured the pontoon.
They Hang what was aptly Li
belled "The Phi Belch Sinking
Song,” which was aa follows:
‘•Sunset und evening star.
And one last drowning plea
From .smiling, perfumed P. M.
Carr
Who's slipping out to sea.
"Twilight and evening bell.
And after that. Armitage Park
The Dean will probably give us
hell
When we have sunk this
barque.
"And though from out this
scene of crepe and light
The tide may bear her far;
We hope you’ll always remem
ber her amusing plight
When we have sunk Miss
Carr."
And with that. Miss Carr dis
appeared under the wave, so to
speak, and the next float came
on.
There was more music, and
more sobbing with pleasure, and
more drowning; and everyone
thought it was probably the most
sensational public event ever pro
duced. This feeling applied par
ticularly, although rather inex
plicably, to Carolyn "Pooh-Bah"
Smith.
H
1
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I He Oregon Daily Emerald is published five days a week during the school year except
examination and vacation periods, by the Student Publications Hoard of the University of
Oregon. Entered as second class matter at the post office, Eugene, Oregon. Subscription
rates: $5 per school year; $2 a term.
Opinions expressed on the editorial pages are those of the writer and do not pretend to
represent the opinions of the A.SUO or the University. Unsigned editorials are written by
the editor; initialed editorials by members of the editorial board.
j EKKV HAM ELL, Editor D O N\\ OTUNHERG, Business Ml ^
DICK LEWIS, SALLY KYAaN, Associate Editors