-A DAY AT THE ZOO Exam Hysteria Grips Student By Bob Funk Emorald Columnist Out in the mountain fastnesses of Approaching Hysteria, where most of the landscape was de voted to flora and fauna and effervescent streams cascading from mossy rock to mossy rock with gurgling sounds, a Student woke up in the middle of the night with a cold, clammy feel ing. Anyone was like to wake up with a cold, clammy feeling in Approaching Hysteria, because there was a funny kind of cold clams that crawiea inio 5 bed with you j unless you 3 had a zipper | for the top. 1 But this was a figurative cold - clammy feeling. 9 Perhaps, the ■ Student! inougni to WB mm tmtm himself (and this is not in quotes because he was thinking it in side, which is not quotish), I am having a sudden Fit of Declen sions. And he took a special grit ty powder that his Grandma had given him on Groundhog Day THERE’S AN "A" IN YOUR FUTURE if you prepart now with the COLLEGE OIITLIHE SERIES —ACCOUNTING, Elementary. —ACCOUNTING PROBLEMS_ —ALGEBRA, College _ —AMER. COL. & REVOl. HISTORY —ANCIENT HISTORY_ —ANCIENT, MED., & MOD. History —ANTHROPOLOGY, General. —ATLAS OF HUMAN ANATOMY •—BACTERIOLOGY, Principles of_ —BIOLOGY, General_ —BOTANY, General —BUSINESS & GOVERNMENT_ —BUSINESS LAW_ -CALCULUS, The_ —CHEMISTRY, First Year College— —CHEMISTRY PROBLEMS _ —CHEMISTRY, Organic _ —CORPORATION FINANCE__ —DOCUMENTED PAPERS, Writing. •—ECONOMICS, Dictionary of_ •—ECONOMICS, Principles of_— —ECONOMICS. Readings in_ —EDUCATION, History of_ —ENGINEERING DRAWING_ •—ENGLAND, History of_ .—EUROPE, 1500-1848, History of— .—EUROPE, Since 1815, History of. —EXAMS., How to Write Better_ —FRENCH GRAMMAR_ •—GEOLOGY, Principles of._ .GEOMETRY, Analytic —GEOMETRY, Plane, Problems in. —GERMAN GRAMMAR_ •—GOVERNMENT, American . •—GRAMMAR, English, Principles of -INTERNATIONAL RELATIONS_ .—IOURNALISM, Survey of._ —LABOR PROBLEMS & TRADE UNIONISM_. ..LATIN AMERICA, History of_ _LATIN AMERICA in —LITERATURE, American ' —LITERATURE, Eng., Dictionary of. —LITERATURE, Eng., History (1J_ •,— LITERATURE, Eng., History (111... —LITERATURE, Germon -LITERATURE, World (Vol. I)_ -LOGARITHMIC & Trig. Tables_ __MARKETING_. •—MIDDLE AGES, History of_ •—MONEY AND BANKING_ _MUSIC, History of —PHILOSOPHY: An Introduction. —PHILOSOPHY, Readings In_ ——PHYSICS, First Year College_ •—PHYSICS without Mathematics. _PLAY PRODUCTION_ -POLITICAL SCIENCE —POLITICS, Dictionpry of Amer— —PRONUNCIATION, Manual of... -PSYCHOLOGY, Child —PSYCHOLOGY, Educational .PSYCHOLOGY, General_ -PSYCHOLOGY, Readings __ -PUNCTUATION -RESEARCH & REPORT WRITING... -RUSSIA, History cf. -SHAKESPEAREAN Names, Diet_ -—SHAKESPEARE'S Ploys (Outlines). ■—SLIDE RULE, Practical Use of_ •—SOCIOLOGY, Principles of_— —SOCIOLOGY, Readings in_ —.SPANISH GRAMMAR.. ._SPEECH ... _STATISTICAL METHODS_ _STATISTICIANS, Tables for_ —.STUDY, Best Methods of_ —TRIG., Plane & Spherical—__ —.TUDOR & STUART Ploys (Outlines). *—U. S., Economic Hist.... _U. S. to 1865, History of__ —U. S. since 1865, History of_ —WORLD since 1914, History of.. -•-ZOOLOGY, General .•____ Prices Subject to Change $1.25 1.50 1.00 1.25 1.00 1.25 1.50 2.00 1.85 1.00 1.00 1.75 1.50 1.25 1.50 1.50 1.75 1.25 1.00 1.75 1.50 1.75 1.00 2.00 1.25 1.00 r.25 .50 1.25 1.25 1.25 1.25 1.25 1.25 1.25 1.50 1.75 1.50 1.85 1.50 1.50 1.50 1.75 1.75 1.50 1.50 .75 1.50 1.25 1.25 1.25 1.50 1.50 1.00 1.25 1.50 1.00 1.75 1.75 1.50 1.00 1.25 1.75 .75 1.25 1.50 1.25 1.00 1.00 1.50 1.75 1.25 1.75 1.50 1.00 1.00 1.25 1.85 1.50 1.00 1.25 1.75 1.25 UNIVERSITY CO OP THt STUO&NT5 OWN STOftf that was supposed to be good for Pits of Deelensions. It didn't do anything but settle, though. And then he thought perhaps he was having an attack of Tort, and he gargled with some charged branch water, but as usual swal lowed it all about halfway through, so he had to give that up. And then he remembered. It was about to be Finals. And Finals was something that if you hud a choice of sitting on a Bunsen Burner for twelve hours until well browned or taking Finals, you would sit on a Bunsen Burner and laugh heartily all the time you were browning. Finals was the time you tried to remember Pi equals S. Blank-spot-in-my notes, and the Cosine of a Whoosis is determined by find ing the square root of Your Own True Love and then laughing hysterically. He remembered that he had gone to see his professor about finals. He had found the profes sor in the library, filed under Miscellany, Unbound, by the Dewey Decimal System. r "How do you figure out If a poem is written by Shelley, or by Keats, or if it was just acci dental ?” “We have to be Intellectually honest," the professor said, chew ing abstractly on a verb. "It's all relative, nowadays. No black and white, just shades of gray. It isn’t like the old days when Joan of Arc and Teddy Roosevelt and Charles Carrol of Carrolton were around. You knew good from bad. Keats and Shelley in those days. But now all the old gang's gone, and it’s all Relativ ity.” "But how do you tell "Keats from Shelley." The professor sighed. “I always look at the top of the page—it tells In my book.” "But on the final?" "Intellectual honesty always wins,” the professor said. "I read that. I think." Which left the Student feel ing like there was penicillin or something growing on the walls of his stomach. Finals. The word enveloped and over f Continued o^pafie seven) Fashion that’s warm as toast... SNOWFALL... Jersild’s Silver-Buttoned CARDIGAN Authentic Norwegian pattern, exclusive with Jersild, interprets the delicacy and detail of fresh snow crystals . . . big-needle knit on imported Swiss machines. Sturdy virgin wool, in clear and lovely color combinations. Small, Medium, Large. Pink/black; Lt. Blue/Coral White/Jockey Red; White/Marine Blue Lt. Blue/Navy; White/Gold $10.95 Ski Cap to Match $2.50 1080 Willamette Street Phone 4-0034 The Oregon Daily Emerald is published five d#y* a wrrk thr .«" • < -hi>’T*, I* >E i. \KDNKk. Editor IK \ N SAND I K l»H K LEWIS'.' I At K 11 \\ \ kl>EI I I’AI'I. KKEEE, MunaRina Editor |m»\\ \ |{ 1 NliKKb, Advnt •. M Why Not Study in Mexico? Distinguished Faculty-New Campus —— Mild Climefe the Year*Round MEXICO CITY COLLEGE WINTER QUARTER January 4 to March 16 Emphasis on Spanish, latin American Studies, Foreign Trade, History, Creative Writing, Anthropology I Grants B A. and M A. Degree Approved for Veterans Spring Quarter: March 22 to June 2 Summer Sessions: June 13 to August 26 Special WorKshops and Intensive Courses: June 13 to July 25 July 25 to August 26 I For information wriUi Dean of Admitiiom Mexico City College Kilometer 16 Carretara MexicoTolut* Mexico 10, D f A ( give her GIFTS OF BEAUTY „ MAX FACTOR 1. beauty at hand ... Max Factor’s soothing hand lotion in a golden tone rcfillable purse dispenser...will be the prettiest gift on her tree! $1.10 2. a gleaming, golden tone compact for Creme Puff ...its Creme Fuff filler above. Set in satin...and beautifully wrapped in pale rose foil. $3.75 3. dream box ... her shade of Max Factor Pan Cake or Pan Stik, face powder, rouge, lipstick, hand lotion purse dis penser, and Electrique parfum cologne . . . nestled on a dreamy cloud of pink satin. $8.00 all prices plus reduced tax