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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (Jan. 30, 1950)
Jitfcvie So-pL^o-mosie fyJi&do-tft And He Talked and Talked and Talked and Talked Gontuiuedl tUe> &<&it Paxje (Continued from page two) “I knew a Doberman-Pinscher once,” the barber offered hesitatingly. “His name was Keith. Keith Graves.” “I’ll bet it was the same Keith Graves I went to grade school with. He sat in back of me and his nose ran.” “No. This Keith Graves was a dog. He didn’t go to school.” “Ha ! Lived out in the sticks, probably, where they didn't have any teachers.” “No, this was a dog. and his last name wasn’t really Graves.” “Oh, He wrote, and went under a nom d’plume. Or he had murdered his mother, and was going under an assumed name.” “No, I mean dogs don't really have last names. His name was Keith, and a man named Graves owned him. They lived up the road about three miles.” “Iliumm." He settled back in his chair, feeling the } auk of the clippers on the top of his head. * “Say,” said the barber, “how does ‘the’ go? Up or down?" “Which ‘the?’ ” Dear me, he thought, dear me. “The one in the song. I can't remember the tune exactly. You know. ‘I wanna be there when THE band starts playing.’ Where does the ‘the’ go?” ‘‘It goes sort of down from ‘when’ and then you go back up again for ‘band.’ Really pretty tricky.” “Oh. I might sing it sometime if,,I can remember how it goes.” “Well, when I was saying it at the very first, I wasn’t saying it very loud. That was probably why you didn’t find out if it was going up or down. I never do sav songs very loud unless I’m drunk.” “I find a lot of people who drink,” the barber in formed him primly. “I don't.” “Oh, I do. All the time. I drink ‘Moscow Mules’ and am paralyzed from the waist down.” “You drink every day ?” “Every day.” “When do you usually start? I mean, most people don’t usually start until the afternoon. You know.” “Oh,-1 start right when I wake up. I have a ‘Mule’ while I’m still in bed.” “You drink all day, then?” “All day. I’m higher’n a kite right now.” “I thought so. I can always tell.” “No you can't. I was in here yesterday and you didn’t say a thing.” “How could you have been in yesterday—your hair wouldn’t have to be cut two days in a row!” “You didn't cut my hair. I came in to brush my teeth.” “You must be awfully drunk. Maybe you should have a neck shave.” “No, I might get violent. I might start saying songs real loud. I might start saying something real loud like ‘I wanna be there when the band starts playing,’ and I might say the ‘the’ up instead of down, and Keith and Mr. Graves would have in dividual attacks of multiple sclerosis.” “Let’s see how we look new,” the barber said in a very loud voice. “Are we done ?” “We're all blue,” he said as the chair twirled. “We didn’t come in that way. We won’t go out that way.” “It’S the mirror. The mirror is blue.” “Oh.” He got up, pulling a dollar bill from his wallet. “I don’t think you ought to have blue mir rors. You ought to have skin-colored mirrors. Blue isn’t in good taste.” “I suppose so,” the barber said, moving toward the cash register. “But you shouldn’t drink so much.” “I might change—for you.” He smiled and started toward the door. “And tell Keith to be there when the band starts playing. Tell him to come all blue. I think I’d like Keith blue.” Newburn Says Quality Vital (Continued from page one) Adjustments will be made better when all freshmen are in the same setting.” Newburn admitted that the ad ministration realizes that better supervision and better counseling will be necessary. * “We believe that the program will result in a qualitative im provement in fraternities and so rorities,” the speaker stated. “Tf not, we will be very unhap Stresses Erb union Improvements in social and rec reational quality include primarily t he new Hhb Memorial Union, Kewburn said. “The Student Union will im prove qualitative living recreation ally and socially more than any other one thing," he asserted. “The University is committed to improve the faculty advisory ser vice. “We are not convinced that ev ery student gets from his adviser •what he should have.” Scholarship Improves Newburn went on to quote sta tistics showing the improvement of student scholarship on the cam pus since 1946-47. Only 13 per cent of the student body held grade point averages lower than 2.00 last year, as compared with 21 per cent in 1946-47, he pointed out. This improvement does not re sult from a weeding out of those scholastically ineligible, for the f,umber disqualified from the Uni versity last year was 4 per cent, against 10 per cent in the earlier period. Other Achievements Other achievements on the road to improving quality include the faculty rating plan, which New burn believes has done a real good for the campus: the placing of pro fessional schools on an upper-div ision basis: the addition of courses ■and graduate school majors; and the securing of more competent faculty members. We all like a pat on the back < :'.ce in awhile, whether we deserve it or not. This generation is reported much slower at paying bills than the last: There are no more early settlers, i lb Winning Because of You* 1 January 16-31 The National Foundation for Infantile Paralysis FRANKLIN D ROOSEVELT, founder.