p
Two On Trip
To Portland
by feiil JIgmcz
A jackass is an exceedingly humorous and intelligent ani
mal !
This knowledge comes from first hand experience. The part
of nursemaid and keeper to a real live four-legged, long cared,
jackass was played by this columnist during the recent wee -
end.
The slightly flustrated individuals who may have fancied
they saw a jackass riding in the back seat of a Ford, waltzing
around McElroys ballroom, trotting down Broadway at 2 a.
m. or touring the many private guest list parties ,,, Portland
may now relieve their minds. This amazing beast did all
these things!
Partly because the animal was needed for the Paramount ral
ly partly because “Fair-Play" Fennel agreed to stand the ex
pense, (and also because of a dare) the beast was my faithful
weekend traveling companion.
“He’s no ordinary jackass,” the farmer said when the steed
was rented last Friday afternoon. Realization of this fact came
when I opened the car door and Horatio (that s the animal s
name) jumped in. He likes to ride in cars.
Horatio is very curious. When riding, his favorite pastime is
sfu d ng crosswise in the back seat wth his entire head and
H stuck out the right front window. When we would pass
other cars or pull alongside one on a four lane highway it pro
duced varied and violent reactions.
Sometimes people would pull right over to the side of the
road The main pain, however, was the jokers who n oukl leap
, . , r„r ston and roll down their windows to
Hugh and cheer as Horatio came by. This oftimes upset the
jackass, as he is a very sensitive animal.
Secondly, Horatio is housebroken only to a certain degree.
Probably due> to some quirk in his physical -^ke-uplae never
seems to have much advance notice on the matter. \\ hen
does know, however, he broadcasts this knowledge ^th thr^
unmistakable symbols. First he stomps his feet and kicks the
side of the car, secondly he reaches over and bites my shoulder
and finally, when finished, he gives out with a voluminous
■“hee-haw.”
In most instances the first signal would occur while speed
ing down a busy stretch of road. By the time the car could be
stopped he would be biting my shoulder and by the time d
get his door opened and the seat pulled back, he would just
“hee-haw” in my face.
“Goodnight to you both,” were the last words that I heard
from my date when we got her home. Horatio made quite a hit
with her—especially when he mistook her hair for hay.
So now, we two have only memories of an exceedingly hi
larious weekend. I wouldn’t recommend a jackass for every
one to enliven their weekends with—but it sure is worth a lot
of kicks! _
w Dccihf
EMERALD
ES=
The Orkcon Daii y Kmkr.md published daily during the college year except Sundays,
Mondays, holidays and final examination periods by the Associated Students Unn;ers>ty
Oregon. Subscription rates: $.1.00 a term, $4.00 for two terms and $5.00 a year. Entered as
second class matter at the postoffice Eugene, Oregon.
Don A. Smith, h'ditnr
Tuan Mimn.mt.h, Business Wanna™
Gi KNN Guifsimf. Managing F.iUt^r
Don Fair. IUshaia llvvwoon, 11k. kn Siiesman. Kami Tavor. Assneiate Editors
I'okk Mobley, Advertising Manager
1.AK.LVN Thompson, National Advertising Manager Jp.an Lqve.x, Circulation Manager
Hews Editors: Anne Goodman. Ken Metzler. Assistant Manager Editors^ «al Coleman,
Sports Editor: Dave Taylor. Vie fryer, Tom King, Dune Mecliam. Stan
Desk Editors: Marjory Bush, Bob Funk, Turnbull.
Gretckun Grondahl, Lorna Larson, Larry Chief Night Editor: I.orna Larson.
Women’s Editor: Connie Jackson.
French Films, Name <;
Bands, Literature 1
...kyfJo-QiUieSit
Note: There was a short story hidden on
page 6 of Tuesday’s Emerald stating that
1040 couples attended the Whiskey-rino as
compared to last year's 508. Also implying
that there had been a profit made. That ought
to prove some sort of point. More name
bands, Mr. Williams, please!!
Idea: Why doesn’t the Emerald put out a
literary edition once a month with its Satur
day issue. If on Saturday it makes the women
happy with a woman’s page, why can t it
make some of the frustrated literati happy
with such an addition. It was done at one
time but finally fell thru because of dullness
more than anything else. But there has been
quite a bit of discussion about a literary mag
lately and this might be one way to start it.
But the pitfalls of the other ill fated supple
ment would have to be avoided if one wished
such an idea to be a success.
A Case of Mi-lwaukie’s Finest 1 o: Profes
. Tv
Picard and the others who were
instrumental in the founding of the horeign
Film Club. Saw “Symphome Pastora e and
I’ve never before felt like I received more
than my money’s worth—it was like,cornu a
out of another world when the lights fin ay
went on. It is too bad that Hollywood (with
all its glitter and glamor) can’t do something
as worth while as this, instead of spending its
money on the trite and trivial. Probably Hol
lywood and Congress will declare this type of
picture “subversive” though, and well all go
back to the good ole pictures with lusfy males
and busty females. Seriously, if the r<*t of the
pictures obtained by the club continue to be
of such a high calibre, *ny student who
doesn’t take advantage of such an opportuni
ty is denying himself some fine entertain- ^
Congrats To: The Sigma Kappas for hav
ing the “guts” not to build a house that looked^
like an 18th century castle minus moat, or a ^
TB sanitarium. |
A Rose by Any Name Would Smell
By Sister Mary Gilbert
Emerald feature-page by-lines raise the
question:
“Is the chief requirement for contributors
a name that fits neatly into a pun ?”
Readers of “Free Lancin,” “Stolen Stuff,
and “Raisin’ Kane” may list other qualifica
tions. But the right title seems to be at least
an entering wedge.
Pigger's Guide should point the way to
new columnists. Surely in a student body of
more than 5,000 someone will have a right to
author “Taylor-made,” “The Village Smith,
“The Lonely Hart,” “The Life of Riley,
and “The Real McCoy.
Crochety Old Vet Steve Loy might even
consider changing his first name to A1 so that
he can discourse on “Foreign Substance.”
Condolences go to aspiring authors with
names like Thornton and Matthews and Carl
son. It would take a very bad pun to make
these tags fit the pattern.
Hopeless as the situation seems, there is a
way out. In fact, there are several ways. Fem
inine method—marry the right name. Mascu
line solution—due process of law. (That will
cost about $2.50, the usual charge for a legal
change of name.) If you haven’t th|t much
money? you have three other escapes*
Work to establish a matriarchal |society
and use the method prescribed for wcwhen.
Relinquish your journalistic ambitions.
Write so well that editors can’t resist.
You who object to these conventional
methods have a last recourse. If youbhate to
buy a by-line with a marriage certificate
(What price, freedom?) and you ca|i’t coin
money or customs, use the Lewis |Carroll
plan.
Coin words! Enrich the language. Gram
marians may grumble, and the library will
have to build an annex on the dictionary
stand, but your personal problem will be
solved.
It may take a few decades, but a little de
termination will do it. Cultivate the poets and
the educators. Speak in terms of blanken
dorf’s and elfenbem s and oppenheimer s.
Eventually you will become an authority on
literary and academic terminology. Then
you will be on the high road to success.
You will have made your name a punny
■s
Qiatcketif' Old Wet
After the Weekend
Is Halfway Over
by Steve J0.oy
This column will not be of interest to all
hands. Those of you with weak stomachs,
guilty consciences, and other things to do
need not attempt it.
This is to be a discussion of the All-Amer
ican malady known as the hangover, morn
ing after, or wha hoppen’d blues.
Assuming that you drink, let us delve into
the tvpes and symptoms of the various after
effects of indulgence.
Recall what you did when you got up Sun
dav. Did you feel like a fertilizer salesman
with a mouth full of samples? Had the Ethio
pian army just completed a retreat through
your mouth? Did you have a fuzzy, slick, sli
my taste that is indescribable?
/
Now, what was it you reached for? Did you
reach for—the hair of the dog that bit you,
Aspirin, Alka-Seltzer, Bromo-Seltzer, a stale
bottle of beer, ice-bag, or just the tooth
paste? (I purposefully eliminated tomato
juice because it has never done me any good.)
Or did you reach for one of the above, miss
and collapse ?
Okay, now we have our heads well soaked,
hair combed, and are ready to analyze the re
sults of the night before. I shall assume that
you ached somewhere, where was it?
Did your head ache, eyes, legs, little toe?
(Dancing with your shoes off).
Next in our analysis is the all-important
stomach where we put all this rotten stuff.
How was it? Sore? Reason for this is seli-ex
(Please turn to page three)