'Bombphobia' — A Parable for Our Time
m
(From The Dartmouth)
There was a friend of ours
who lived in a particularly
densely populated section of
Brooklyn. Now this man
was intelligent and well-in
formed—so well informed
that lie came down with a dis
ease common to our times:
bombphobia. He would lie a
wake nights in his hot Brook
lyn apartment and while he
was not bordering on hysteria
his thoughts woud go some
thing like this: “Well, if they
come over and drop it, where
are they going to drop it?
Where it will do the most
damage, that’s where, and
that’s here, right here . .
and he would sweat away the
remainder of the miserable
night.
Finally, he could stand it
no longer, so he moved to a
large college. Life on the ac
ademic battle-ground was
pleasing for a time. But fin
ally, the phobia came to sit
on our friend’s shoulder in
the night, and it said : “Where
are they going to drop it?
Right where it will do the
most damage, of course, and
that’s RIGHT HERE. Why
sure, where the minds are
congregated — or, at least
where they think the minds
are congregated.”
So our friend who was a
little haggard by now, packed
his bags and moved up into
the far reaches of Alaska. One
day his nearest neighbor said,
“We’re going to have to move
any day now.”
“Why?” asked our friend,
who was just beginning to
get used to the place.
“Great Heavens, man, do
you want to get caught?
When they invade, where do
you think they’ll come from?
Right across the Strait, right
through here, that’s where
they’ll come.
So our friend packed his
hags and moved. At last he
came to the Great American
Desert in the southwest part
of the United States. “At last
I have escaped,” he said, “But
has anyone else?”
And just at the moment
came a monstrous roar. Our
friend never heard the accom- -
. panying explosion. ... ,
But when the scientists
came to study the crater
made by this rocket they were
testing, there was a young
one among them who kept in
sisting that some sort of in
habitants had been where the ▼
rocket had fallen. There were,
he insisted several pieces of
evidence strewn about.
Don’t be silly,” said other
scientists, “Why would any
one be living in this desolate
area ?”
'Keep Your Place, Serf!' — That's Etiquette
The fine old Anglo-Saxon
custom whereby two people
upon being introduced may
consider the social barrier
lowered to allow further a
cquaintance io blossom either
through cheery smiles, hellos,
or conversations, has long suf*
fcred from a quaint Oregon
twist. At Oregon one intro
duction is not enough.
Disregarding the prolific
Mlmblgms family that one
meets at parties, students are
daily introduced to new
friends on or about the camp
us. The new party may be the
fourth that was rounded up
for bridge, the “date” of the
couple with whom you atten
ded the all-campus dance, or
the person who knows your
companion as you stand in a
doorway having a cigarette
before class tipie—it makes
no difference where or when,
the pattern is always the
same. At the first meeting
everything is fine and person
alities sparkle. But comes
the dreaded aftermath—the
second meeting. Woe unto
those who go forth unprepar
ed with a warm hello for the
new acquaintance. What is
more chilling than an unan
swered greeting coupled with
a cold-eyed “Keep-your-place,
serf!” stare!
But one must be broad
minded. In the hurry-blurry
of campus life it is oftentimes
hard to remember just wdio
one has met.
Then there is introduction
Number 2—to the same per
son, of course. The party
making the introductions will
usually inquire, “Have you
two met?” May the gates ot
perdition enfold you if you
answer in the affirmative!
Such a faux pax. The error
will be glossed over and all
will be warm and friendly a
gain—until once more you
meet on the street; and once
more you may as well be ex
changing greetings with an
Egyptian mummy. And so it
goes until the friendly party
is either cowered into a
shrinking introvert or chooses
to adopt the same “I’ve-never
seen-you-before-in-my - life!"
tactics.
A study of the origin and
meaning of this local practice
would no doubt cause a psy- -
chology student to change
his major. There seems to be
no basic criteria such as GPA,
color of hair, or social status
upon which the judging of to
speak or not to speak is done;
nor does there seem to be any ’
purpose to be accomplished.
.But like, cockroaches. Virus
X, and midterms, it’s here.
Oh, well, there’s always the
eighth introduction.—M.E.T.
We're Lily White; They Do It So Much Better in Texas
There are people right
here on this campus who
think the cheating situation
here is bad.
They just don’t know. Ore
gon is lilly-white. Oregon
students don’t even know any
good tricks. Down in Texas
they do it so much better.
Here’s what happened at
Texas A. and M., according
to the Battalion, student
daily:
An armed, masked bandit
stuck a gun in the ribs of one
of the college janitors and de
mantled keys to the Petrol
eum engineering building, os
tensibly to help him in steal
ing copies of a final examin
ation. The bandit fled before
he got the keys.
Two days later burglars
broke into two other campus
buildings by smashing win
dows, and succeeded in steal
ing seven sets of examina
tions (already written).
These exams also covered pet"
roleum engineering courses.
Persons who. attempted to
steal economics quizzes were
foiled by a locked safe.
The logical conclusion may
be that petroleum engineer- *
ing at Texas A. & M. must be -
a mighty rough course.
Yes, sir, Oregon is lily- •
white.
Writer Sees Need for UMT as Policy Instrument
To The Editor:
Your editorial in last Sat
urday’s Emerald concerning
General Holdridge’s recent
speech on universal military
training inferred, to me at
least, that a letter of dissent
will be in order.
Along with the mothers of
our younger generation, the
general’s voice sounded as a
“shot in the dark” and many
other veterans have voiced
this same opinion. Ilia words
absolutely failed to convince
me that pacifism and toleran
ce should replace prepared
ness and aggressiveness as
tools of national policy. The
average veteran cannot help
but believe a system of uni
versal military training is es
sential, as such a belief is pre
dicated on tears and blood
that were a part of his con
ditioning.
1 am going back to 1915 and
quote General Leonard
Wood’s speech on The re^f
ponsibility of Citizenship
“The voluntary system of or
ganizing a vast non-profess
ional army has failed us in
Oregon Emerald
ALL-AMERICAN 1946-47
The Oregon Daily Emerald, official publication of the University of Oregon, publish*
daily during the college year except Sundays, Mondays, and final examination period
Entered as second-class matter at the postoffice, Eugene. Ore.
Member of the Associated Collegiate Press
BOB FRAZIER. Editor
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BILL YATES
Managing Editor
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Co-News Editors
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Co-Sports Editor
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Associates to Edit*'”
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WIN NY r.vH)
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the past and will fail us in
the future. It is uncertain in
operation, prevents organiz
ed preparation, tends to des
troy that individual sense of
obligation for military service
which should be found in ev
ery citizen, costs excessively
in life and property, and does
not permit preparedness
which must exist if we are to
wage war successfully with
any great power prepared for
war.”
General Wood’s voice was
considered by many as a ‘‘shot
in the dark” but his persistent
appeals were to a large ex
tent responsible for our pres
ent R.O.T.C. program — a
program incidentally, that
furnished some 100,000 train
ed officers during World War
II.
Because of the conflict be-,
tween the world powers to
day and because of their di
verse ideologies, I am inclined
to favor General Wood’s be
lief that preparednes s,
through training, is an inher
ent responsibility of citizen
ship. And likewise, in contrast
to General Holdridge’s belief,
I favor preparedness as a tool
of national policy.
Until such a time that the
United Nations General As
sembly and Security Council ~
can settle the political and
technical problems confront- -
ing them, and until such a
time that we are guaranteed ,
peace, we should maintain un
iversal military training to in
sure us of the ability to mar
shal and to maneuver a un- -.
ified army should the need for '
one arise.
Robert W. Sheets
Lt. Col. US APR
Observations by Bob Reed
Science lias developed a new breed of bel
ligerent rabbits, and the Easter Bunny of
. the future may not only bring the eggs but
throw them at you.
* * * *
A gal can spend two hours getting dressed
' up, but when the hostess opens the door and
finds her all involved in taking off her gal
- oshes—well, what’s the use?
* * * *
Familiar scene in roundabout area—“I hate
to dip into my capital”, he said, putting a
penny in the peanut machine.
* * * *
“I wouldn’t say anything against Lucinda,”
said Dora with a sniff, "but she’s still srot
r
r the first dime of mad money she ever car
“ ried.”
What a prolific family the Mlmblgms must
be; one is introduced to so many of them at -
parties.
Sjc
‘‘I 11 drink the stuff”, said Cousin Dilling
water, cracking a fifth of Old Busthead, a -
blend, "but I'll be damned if I’ll put it in the -
car and let it chew up the radiator hose.”
^ Jfc
Ready for Broadway is a play called “A
Street Car Named Desire”. V, hen the sixth *
one passes us on a cold ug we have ~
thought of better names.
* * * *
Hand painted neck-ties are available for -
$27.50. Ibis is an ideal investment for the
man who can t find a suit at that price or
stand the idea of taking money home.
' .4