NORRIS YATES.Editor
WILL LINDLEY.Managing Editor
Bob Stiles . Sports Editor
Ervin Webb.Night Editor
Bill Buell.Associate Editor
Chuck (Hangman) Politz.Noose Editor
A1 Young. Copy Boy
Marjorie Young, Edith Newton, Ann Craven.Female Hangers-on
Published daily during the college year except Sundays, Mondays, and holidays and
final examination periods by the Associated Students, University of Oregon.
Entered as second-class matter at the postoffice, Eugene, Oregon.
Paitlude...
And so the war was finished and the nations made peace.
Germany was thoroughly beaten, Japan nearly wiped out.
And in order that there might be no future wars the Great Pow
ers remaining established an International Police Force and
combined their ships into an International Navy and set up a
really efficient, ironclad, rockbottomed League for the ever
lasting perpetuation of World Peace.
Put the remakers of the world failed to take into account
human selfishness, greed, and jealousies, of which they them
selves possessed the lion’s share among the countries of the
world. And so it was that after a while difficulties arose. The
Russians, with a small fleet had comparatively weak voice in di
recting the International Navy, and demanded a correspondingly
larger vote in the affairs of the AVorld Police. Britain and the
United States denied this to her. Argentina, now a first-class
power, led several of the South American states in a demand
for greater influence in all three organizations.
China had been sold down the river at the peace table, being
exhausted and in no condition to protest, as well as belonging to
the “inferior” yellow race. As a consequence, she joined Russia
in demanding a fuller share in determining world policy. The
Balkan peoples, as dissatisfied with the boundaries arbitrarily
fixed for them by the Great Powers as ever, began to fight
among themselves again.
* * '-t *
When the World Peace League met to settle these Balkan
quarrels, China, Russia, and what was left of Japan formed an
Asiatic bloc and demanded more power in the organization.
[When the Western Powers refused (Europe and America
possessed the superior races, the superior civilization!), the
Eastern group broke away and declared a real “Asia for Asiatics.”
India, whom the West had decided should remain clamped tight
under British rule, promptly expelled its masters and joined its
northern brethren.
* * * *
The British demanded action, and the International Army
was ordered by the League grand council to invade India. The
Russians and Chinese withdrew their troops from the Army, and
declared their intention of defending the Indians. Whereupon
the world went to war once more.
Led by Argentina, the Latin American nations, tired of
,Yankee economic domination, saw a chance to break free. Event
ually all of them except Brazil declared war on the U. S.
* * * *
When the ten years’ struggle was over, the combined
peoples of Asia and South America (over 1,300,000,000) had
completely conquered the peoples of Europe and North America
(about 500,000,000). The victors thereupon proceeded to wipe out
the greater part of the white race. A solid, unshakeable dictator
ship was set up by the consolidated peoples of Asia over the
outlying races, who were far too few ever to hope to oppose the
teeming Asiatics. And thus permanent AVorld Peace was at last
obtained and prosperity and unity were assured. N. Y.
I Mealy Mouthings !
ByALYOUNG
Bandannas, etc.—With the above well in mind, we are going
to write about bandannas, etc. and their effect upon us (which
ain’t good).
Bandannas, snoods, and fascinators (a misnomer, to be sure)
all belong in the same general class of sartorial atrocities, the
useless class, though they are each characterized by marked
differences. The bandanna, for in
instance, is a large rectangular
piece of cloth. It comes in innum
erable colors and patterns; how
ever, it never comes in a color that
will go with the wearer's other
garments.
We know one gal who owns a
black one that wouldn't took good
on the late Neville Chamberlain's
umbrella. Careful research reveal
ed no logical reason for wearing
the bandana other than to conceal
whatever beauty the wearer may
possess. We might add that it does
an admirable job, too.
On the other hand, snoods are
rather shapeless net-like affairs
that are supposed to keep a girl’s
hair in shape—preserving the na
tural curl so that she won’t re
quire as many permanents. A
snood keeps her hair in shape all
right, but in what shape ?
Thirdly, we have the fascinator.
Here is a garment that defies de
scription. It looks something like an
indiscriminately shaped piece of
cheese cloth, the coloring of which
bears a marked resemblance to a
used jelly cloth. This little nonde
script de-icing garment seems to
--
Communique...
By SIEGFRIED BISMARK
Emerald War Correspondent
THREE FEET AHEAD OF THE
FRONT, February 12— (Special) —
All was quiet on the western front
today, with the exception of the
area east of Macaroni, where bitter
fighting was raging to hold a stra
tegic tavern which our troops cap
tured last night.
A crack shock brigade from the
Springfield Light and Power Co.
look the tavern last night despite
a rain of bottle caps showering
upon them from the hills beyond.
This morning the enemy withdrew,
taking with them their artillery
and 625 kegs of beer.
The 264th Townsend club regi
ment is reinforcing Father Divine’s
gam-ouflage division, reports from
a K-9 general indicate.
Nature Notes
By HOBART SANAFRANS
Emerald Staff Naturalist
Early in the wintertime, when
icy winds begin to pile up snow in
the Pepsodent mountains, you may
be lucky enough to glimpse that
rare wodland creature, the Blue
eyed Fooblefooz lurking in some
nook or cranny of whatever.
As Dr. P. Terwiliger Botts says
in his dissertations on the animal:
“The Blue-eyed Foblefooz is cer
tainly not an elephant.” With this
profound statement all nature lov
ers are bound to agree.
Later in the year the skies turn
purple with green polkadots, and
then the Blue-eyed Fooblefooz can
be seen sitting on the edge of a
mountain stream brushing his
2,368 teeth with snow from the
Pepsodent mountains, which has a
high irium content.
Or as one naturalist said when
he saw a Blue-eyed Fooblefooz
which had escaped from a zoo in
his bedroom one morning: “Pass
the Alka-Seltzer.”
Appointments Made
Appointment of two committee
members for the WAA initiation
and dessert to be held Thursday at
7:30 in Gerlinger, was announced
today by Social Chairman Bonnie
Umphlette. Irene Jolivette is in
charge of serving and Betty Bush
is the head of the cleanup crew.
have absolutely no practical func
tion other than perhaps catching
flies or straining soup. One girl told
us that she used hers to catch men
with . . . but then you never know
about those things. Anyway, we
don’t.
Ir
i!
Give
Something
Gay for
Valentine
Day
ART NOVELTIES
PICTURES
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Next to Register-Guard
Poetir Gam-Ca/i
(Air corps Directive: “Men are encouraged to sing at
all times when such singing is proper . . .”)
.What was Proper for Pop’er is Goodenuf for Son!
Who could foretell the “Madamoiselle
of Armentieres” would be gone
The old “Parley Vous” has disappeared too
tho’ the parodies still linger on
A “Smile” was the thing of which they would sing
In Democracy-Saving War One
“Tipperary” was fair—(our hearts were right there)—
To many a Chicago-born son
“Over There” had departed before this war started
The songs they loved are no more
So now Tin Pan alley can feature no sally
To replace those ditties of yore _
“K - K - Katy” has wilted, the gal has been jilted
For “Bizerte Gertie” and ilk
The lads from the sod have given the nod
to scanties and satin and silk
The “Beer Barrel Polka” may be sung over mocha
In USO canteens and bars
But its counterpoint’s ready when a soldier gets heady
and he’ll shout dirty songs to the stars
Though many tunes may pass into decay
The songs most risque are immortal
And the boys of this war like their daddies before
Will sing them ’til Hell close its portal.
Alphonse Phlubbit
Vocal Portrait of a Young Man Eating a Black
Market Nestle’s Milk Chocolate Bar with Almonds
Held in His Right Hand Four Days After His Twenty
First Birthday:
\nmmm crunch
crunch munch
mmmm crunch
mmmmmmm mm
Chas. Politz
L’ AMOUR
There once was a young man named Rex
Who winked at the opposite sex.
When asked why he did it
He replied, “I’ll admit it;
I’m trying to find one who nex.’'
HOITY-TOITY!
There was a young lady named Moit
Who was known as somewhat of a floit.
“How do you get eyed?”
She was asked, and replied:
“It depends on the length of yer skoit.”
THE SAGA OF
FRANKIE
Croons tune,
Groons swoon.
W. R. L.
In Abraham Lincoln's Honor
Words make but a poor tribute to a man
whose devotion to justice and liberty, will
be revered. Let us pay our tribute to his
memory today, by helping to protect and
preserve the democratic doctrines for
which he lived and died.
Buy EXTRA War Bonds
FIRST NATIONAL BANK
OF EUGENE
Member, federal Deposit Insurance Corp.
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