Oregon ^ Emerald
The Oregon Daily Emerald, published daily during the college year except Sundays.
Mondays, holidays, and final examination periods by the Associated Students,’ University
of Oregon. Subscription rates: $1.25 per term and $3.00 per year. Entered as second
class matter at the postoffice, Eugene, Oregon.
Editor.:.. Jack Billings
Associate editors .. Roy Nelson, Chan. Politz
Managing editor .Jon Snillib
News editor ...Joanne Dolph
UPPER NEWS STAFF
Sports editors . Bill Stratton. Harry Glickman
Assistant managing editors . Edith Newton, Marjorie Young
Coordinator . Fred Kuhl
Chief night editor .Bob Edwards
City editor .Betty Ann Stevens
Promotion director ....Barbara Younger
Freshmen Go Berserk
After Only One Year
(Editor’s note: the following columns were written by two of
the most interesting freshmen on the campus, in the opinion of the
editor and nearly everyone else who has met them. Their impres
sions of the University of Oregon after one year on the campus as
freshmen are probably the closest a word painter can come to sur
realism. Girls with weak hearts would be better off to read this in
a sitting position.)
By CHAS POLITZ
Breathes there the man
With soul so dead
Who never to himself hath
said . . .
Wait’ll I get that MILLER
Up a dark alley !&@?!X**!
A year of college life has al
most oozed its ways along the
beer bottle and Beta laden
millrace. It was September
when I hopped off a south
bound cattle car to settle on
11) e UO campus.
1 had read something about
the Oregon setup in the spe
cial collegiate edition of tin;
Police Gazette, so as soon as
T had evaded tin; outer cordon
of rushing chairmen I asked
the first intelligent looking
fellow (a 4-day search ensued
here) where Johnson hall was,
and he said, “The Stone Hut
is two miles to the sow’west
. . . and have you got a ear?’’
The rest is frothy memory.
Fall term registration, Ore
gon’s replica of a Democratic
national convention trying to
nominate a n y one except
Rhosevelt, was tremendous
and arch breaking.
After being herded from
stall to stall like a Lucky
Strike looking for a tobacco
auction, 1 carne upon a mil
dewed looking individual with
ears,,who asked me for mv high
school record slip, and when
I sod 1 had had lunch with
Tiger Payne he sed, “ In that
case you don’t need one and
here’s a scholarship.”
Remember the Hello dance
which was stag with dates.
And the near catastrophe at
the Beecham concert when
someone dropped a coke bottle
and Sir Tommy almost ex
haled acetylene.
The dorm food expose left
the unforgettable look on a
dorm man’s face after a dou
ble dish of prune whip.
The football season left sev
eral long to be remembered
items the spunky', “never die
till you stop breathing” spirit
of ruby faced Thomas Roblin,
and the famous arithmetical
“ 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 — oh you little
fairy” yell.
Remember t li e Military
(Please turn to page three)
By ROY PAUL NELSON
I pay my tuition each term
and then skip my classes. I
study until the tiny hours of
the morn and then sleep
through my mid-term. I shuf
fle out my board and room
and then trot to Portland for
tlie weekend.
Girl’s don’t like me. I can’t
understand it. I have my
house brothers r§ad me all the
ads. I have a lieque of a time
sticking those little sen-sen
particles under my arm-pits
and gargling that mum. But
still no girl.
I remember my first coke
date. We drank coke. We
drank coke at the Side.
“You want a coke?’’ I
asked.
“Yes, I’ll take a coke,” she
said.
“You got a nickle?”
We went into the Side.
That’s where we had our coke.
“Good coke,” I ventured.
“Yes—good coke.”
We • thought it was good
coke. That was my first coke
date.
I was surprised to see the
strife on the campus between
the (frocks and the Amer
icans. Once as I was leaving
the YWCA bungalow I saw
two (2) Choseph Colleges hiss
ing at each other. Between
hisses they fought. My heart
bled. And so did my nose, be
fore I had left.
‘‘Hey, cut it out!'’ I whis
pered. Then I got up.
“Iley—.” I got up again,
'I'he men stopped and turned
to me. One stuck out his
tongue. It was coated.
I loaded my pipe with soap
and blew a brotherly bubble.
“What seems to be the trou
ble?" I asked.
‘‘He’s a Greek!" one point
ed out.
“He’s an Independent!"
the other sneered.
“Let’s get this straight.
One of you is a Greek and
one is an independent," I
summarized. I was quite
pleased with my ability to
reason this out.
“Check.”
(Please turn to (a.jC three)
T/>OZ/7/A
jbu&h tyuaue . .
Close your inflamed blue eyes and drop another aspirin in
that cherry coke. Wiffle waffle . . . zazma zoo (big explosion)! It
is fifty years from now and Hitler is knitting sox for the British Red
Cross.
We are passing a quiet day in the Brimstone Tap and Grill
sipping a beaker of vanilla flame after a hard game of acety
lene hotfoot at the Sulfuric Acid Baths, when an idea strikes us
* : • ^ s 9° back to our old alma-mommy and see if "Of Thee I'
Sing is over yet. We jump into our new asbestos coveralls with
the insulated tail and chromium horns, warm up the Chevrazoot
with, the white-side-wall rockets, leave a can of liquid fire for the
wife s dinner, bid the devil a red hot Sabbath and we're off!
Roaring through space we pass many peaceful farms where
gum-chewing milkmaids are milking little dragons, and many lit
tle clumps of three trees.
At last we enter a strata of vitality and hot air. We know in
stinctively that we are nearing the ol' campus. We coax the fliv
ver into second and set her down for a perfect landing on the
sun-baked millrace where a few old arms and legs still linger1’
from that historic tug-o-war of '42.
We zip open our eyes and blink about. It isn't true ... it can't
be true! The old campus has changed —and how! Deady and
Villard have been encased in glass to prevent further evapora
tion, and the O-So-Risky Life Insurance company has set up
branch offices right outside with special rates for heavy students.
The airplane on the second floor at last made the grade and
has been named Mac Arthur. Little rubber boats with caterpillar
treads whisk you from one mud puddle to another. Anti-splash
masks are provided on the deluxe models so that the coeds can
preserve that game room tan.
We paddle over to the library and wander about the flood-lit
hall. Evolution has "evo-loosed" here too. The ASUO has set up a
cocktail bar in the browsing room with free beer on election
daze. The yell leader, whose left thumb on the students spiritual
pulse has at last been recognized, holds down the full-time iob of
bartender.
All fines have been cancelled, and the library now pays the
students to take books out. A certain sorority group has provided
the lookout tower (now used for research only) with a set of hiah
powered binoculars to prevent eyestrain among the researchers.
Professor-student relations have been improved to such an ex
tent that now the profs pass out cigarettes before each lecture
and king-size before examinations. A professorial good-will kit
devised by Dr. Lesch, is now presented to every student at regis
tration we learn. It contains a bottle of 400 aspirin tablets, two
eider down pillows (large for head and small for feet), a doodl
ing pad, half a carton of gum (assorted flavors), and a silent
Sn°Th?c1« is also Pr°vided for dice and jackstraws.
This is TOO MUCH for our weak pericardial adjustments and
we receive an urgent message from the Devil to return home be
fore we are a complete loss to the Hades Volunteer Bucket Brigade