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About Oregon daily emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1920-2012 | View Entire Issue (April 5, 1938)
Pink’s Lemon-Aid By JOHN PINK LAST Friday a friend of mine had to go to Portland. He had an important afternoon class which he didn’t want to be absent from because the instructor weighed the attendance record rather heavily in the final reckoning. It was a large class. I asked him if the instructor knew him. He said no, that all the instructor did was to look and see if the seats were occupied. Then seed for a new campus racket began to stir and sprout in my mind. I said to my friend, “Well, why not have me sit in your seat for the hour. I'll take some notes and if the old boy doesn’t call on me, we can’t miss.” This was very agreeable to him. So I went to class, and did all right. THE MOKE I have been thinking about that little episode the more I am convinced that I could start a profitable enterprise with a company, Class Substitutes, Ltd. Here is the general idea. If business, or too much pleasure the night before, makes class attendance an extreme difficulty some day, you don't have to worry. Just phone the company, give all the details as to location of class, type, instructor's idiosyncrasies, your seat, the girl’s name you sit next to, her phone number, and whatever else you may think relevant. A :k A :U THEN MY company sends a man, or a girl depending on the sex of the customer, to the class, the seat is occupied for the fifty minutes, much longer in Professor Marder’s class, and attendance record kept intact. That sounds very simple and logical doesn’t it ? Of course, my company wouldn’t be able to invade the smaller classes as the instructors are usually acquainted with the physical peculiarities of their students and can spot an interloper before the class is half over. BUT FOR the large classes, and there are certainly plenty of them, the company could do a thriving business. Don’t get the idea that this won't cost you anything. The fees will be on a graduated scale. In a class where there is no chance of the substitute being called on, the fee would be small, for the company man .could sleep through the whole session. In a class where he might be quizzed, but is not expected to give an intelligent answer, the price would be slightly higher. THEN IF there were a certainty of being made to recite, and you wanted an assured correct answer, the fee would go up considerably. If the instructor springs a surprise quiz on one of the company men, there would be a stiff additional tax of course, for these things would call for a great deal of initiative on the part of our man. I can forsee nothing but success for my proposed venture. Soon, some of the lads more heavily laden with rocks than sense, will become permanent customers, and Class Substitutes, Ltd., will go to school for them every day, while they occupy their time with tasks of not so puzzling natures. I wouldn’t like to see the plan go that far, but in business, one must be hard and tough. SIDE SHOW (Continued from page six) The senate agreed with Roosevelt, but the house and 150,000 telegram-senders did not. It seems to us that FDR has slipped again in evaluating his political strength and popularity. As we said during the dark ages of the court reorganization plan, Roosevelt has almost always won our vote as an excellent politician, an astute creator of popular sentiment in his favor. Oc casionally, however, the lord of Hyde Park makes mistakes. One of them was the court mill, another “Ku Klux Klan” Black. Not satisfied with these he is now adding government reorganization, which looked like a rival to the others last week. There seems to be slim chances for this as a “conciliatory” attitude is appearing already, which should be gratifying to the violent critics. Commendations should be handed to Roosevelt for this, with a footnote asking why he didn’t conciliate before he started the whole thing. As the situation stands today Roosevelt will probably pull some type of reorganization bill out of the shambles, a number of senators, representatives, and constituents will be sore for a while—and eventually, if we wait long enough—the much-needed re-vamping will be accomplished. Hours for Carnegie Music Room Given Students interested in hearing operas, concertos, band concert numbers, and other musical com positions by the great masters, are invited to visit the Carnegie music room, located in the school of music. The room, supplied with an electric phonograph, a piano, and a library of scores and records, is open to anyone who wishes to Represented for Xational Advertising by National Advertising Service, Inc. College Publishers Representative 420 Madison Ave., Xew York, X.Y. Chicago, Boston. Los Angeles, San Francisco 1937 Member 1933 Associated Collegiate Press Bruce Curry. X'atl. Adv. Mgr. Assistant, Jean Kneass, Dorthea Wray, Circulation Mgr. Keith Osburne, Tues. Adv. Mgr. Assistants: Jay T. Monahan, Roland Roxoman, Joan Davenport. come. Open hours of the Carne gie music room |during spring term are from, 8 a.m. to 11 a.m on Monday, Wednesday and Fri day. On Tuesday, Thursday, anc Saturday it is open until noon ir the morning and every afternoon except Sunday, from 1 to 6. Research Fund Received From Science Council A fund from the Social Science Research Council, for the comple tion of the work in the Catlow ! cave area of Eastern Oregon, has been received by Dr. L. S. Cress man, director of the natural historj museum, and leader of the expedi tion into the cave region. This fund, which will cover pri marily the preparation of manu scripts and plates in natural his tory, has been given in additior to the Carnegie grant for fielc work. | I Carving Out a New World Destiny 'T'HE world, it has been stated reliably, is In a very bad state. On the jittery, jig saw map of Europe the paunchy shadow of Swami-led Dictator Hitler looms large. And Signor Mussolini, aching for the spotlight, thumbs his nose at the British Lion and en gages in pinching its tail at the same time. ( i his is a very difficult feat and no one but Signor Mussolini should try it because it takes a man with a long reach.) And just look at China. Despite an ear nest effort—partially backed by the Russian Bear who. it is said, has run out of cannon fodder on his native steppes—to make China safe for the propagation and living of native Chinese the bets are up that the Little Brown Men will turn into St. Georges and make the dragon into a very tired dragon. There are even those who predict that there will soon be on the market miniature dragons stamped “Made in China—by Japan.” # # » ■y^THLE we’re on this Cook’s tour, stop for a moment in Spain. By the liberal use of German machine gunners, Russian bomb ers, Italian tanks and infantry the war gods have transformed tranquil Spain into one of Hell's suburbs. It is said by those who have spent time there that the devil takes daily strolls about the peninsula and is even con sidering opening a (branch office to take care of the increase in business. In the1 midst of this the aspirin manufac turers are getting rieh and the Bromo Seltzer hoys are buying Cadillacs. It's enough to give anyone a headache. I here is one remedy for the entire situa tion that has not been suggested, however, despite the headaches contracted thinking up solutions. It s simple, involves no mental eflort whatsoever, and keeps tin* doers so busily engaged that he has no time to deter mine the effectiveness of a hand-grenade tilled with chunks of iron. >* >» >!* suggest the world turn to whittling as a means of solving its difficulties. Picture the result: Everywhere men would bo seated, their rusted rifles forgotten, with a sharp knife in one hand and a likely-feeling chunk of wood in the other. Their jaws would be busy masticating tobacco—this would help business—and the seats of their pants would be worn through rapidly, which would aid the clothiers. Possible dangers in the scheme lie in the rapid felling of trees that would have to take place to keep the whittlers busy. This might well result in a forest famine which would in turn result in floods which could possibly drown all those concerned. But by and large it is better to perish by flood than by the well-sharpened bayonet. It's so much cleaner and it saves congress the headache of a bonus.— R. P. Campus Calendar The Hawaii club will meet at 4 o’clock at the Side. Master Dance will meet tonight at 7:30 instead of the regular Wednesday night meeting. All! members be present. Christian Mission May Appear Here During Fall Term First official action was taken by the Faculty Committee on Re ligious and Spiritual activities, members of the University ad ministration, and the Student Christian council to bring to the campus next October the Univer sity Christian Mission. The mission will include such personages as E. Stanley Jones, Muriel Lester, and Douglas Hor ton. The mission |has a three-fold objective in coming to Oregon: to present an intellectual, evan gelistic, and practical demonstra tion of the need of Christianity in the lives of the American col lege student. _ The Mission executive commit tee representing the students and faculty, elected Monday night, are Professor Charles Howard, Dean Victor P. Morris, Ruth Ketchum, I Vic Goff, and Mary Louise Hol land. Other prospective and tenta tive leaders of the team are: T. Z. Koo, Max Adams, Stanley Hyde, Bryan Green, Grace Sloan Overland, Kirby Page, Albert ' Palmer, and Charles P. Taft. Class Makes Study Of Primitive Design A class of freshmen in normal arts, under the direction of Maude I. Kerns, instructor in art, is us ing the natural history museum as a classroom for design study. The class is making a study of primitive design of all types, in an effort to gain the idea of the art, after which they will return to the art buildings and create in the mood and spirit of the primitive art. History Head Starts New Year as Editor With the publishing of the March issue of the Oregon His torical Quarterly, Professor R. C. Clark, head of the history depart ment, began his second year as editor of the magazine. Professor Clark is tne author of two articles appearing in the recent issue of the quarterly. He also edited a story entitled, "Ex periences of a Chaplain at Fort Vancouver." Pledge List Given By Dean's Office Pledges to fraternities released yesterday by the dean of men’s* office are Robert C. Belloni and Jim DeMeqrleer, Sigma Alpha Epsilo^ Walter Sether, Sigma Chi; J. Max Herndon. Kappa Sig ma; Don Mabee, Phi Delta The ta; Till Stone, Alpha Tau Omega; and George Saint, Pi Kappa Al pha. Send the Emerald home. Yi/ur folks will enjoy leading- it. .ftS You will find it much more conven ient, comfortable end enjoyable to go home by Greyhound. Tares aio • Y3 the cost of driving your own cor. JlotU ItoMK&blipA 'EXAMPLES: Portland $3.73 Salem „. 2.15 Corvallis . 1.25 Medford . 6.60 OREGON HOTEL Phone 1860 SMOOTHEST SMOKE YOU EVER ENJOYED linn ninnrn a runnum ntn oaHrLo a rimonttf JuvnJi MEDICO has only Pat'd filter combining moisture proof Cellophane exterior and 66 Baffle ab sorbent mesh screen interior; resulting in greatest scientific pipe smoking invention ever known. 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