Lenimy’s Ghost
The Hammer and Coffin Society
Edited by Eolf Klep
Dere Squeebs:
The scene is assembly on nomina
tion (lay, and the mob is out on
masse to have the “I have in
minds—” thrown at them onee more.
Sometime one of these guys is going
to accidentally substitute “no” in
there and say, “I have no mind,”
and the crowd will rise and pro
claim him a hero for being so
straightforward.
Bandoline Jones bangs viciously
upon the authoritative table.
Bang! Bang! Three faculty mem
bers walfe up, t^e rest keep on
sleeping. A fire siren wails mourn
fully in the distance A gong rings.
Someone shouts, “Patrol wagon!”
Four freshmen leap to their feet and
tear madly out of the room.
“To darn much confusion,” says
Bandoline in a stage whisper.
“I’ve done so much wrapping
that I feel like a mummy.” So he
hits on the idea of making funny.
I faces at the audience. This didn’t
I work because upon looking out over
the inte’.ligencia he spies Mautz and
i had to burst out laughing himself—
you know Bob. Well Bandoline
gives up, cocks his feet on the back
of Dean Straub’s neck, and goes to
sleep.
Half an hour later a Eugene fire
man bursts into the room and
j shouts, “Werinells de fire?”
“Ah-h-h-h,” murmurs glower
I ing multitude. Whereupon the Or
der of the O gather themselves
upon, about and into him and drape
a board nine times upon a spot
where he never wears his helmet. I
A man rises in his seat, the big
moment has come. Quiet reigns su
preme (it was raining supremely out
side too)—he speaks: “I have in
mind—. ’ ’
Yes, the doctor says he will live.
ANNA NYAS.
Pin Money
“What’s Hal doin’?”
“Writin’ plays.”
“What! That fellow writin’
plays?”
“Yup! He’s chalking down scores
in a bowling alley.”
* * * * *
The Deuce You Say
Phony—Have you ever read the
write-up in the Bible of the Egyp
tian tennis game?
Graph—Your crazy. They didn’t
play tennis.
Phony—'They did so! It says ‘Jo
seph served in Pharoah’s court.
Wet Gold
’Twas a wonderful spring evening.
The sun was casting a burnish gold
band across the placid lake, as I
slowly paddled my way across the
water. The deepening shadows
threw a bluish purple haze on the
thickly wooded hills that were
broken here and there by a cliff of
grayish rock. Slowly the sun sank
behind the distant hills.
With a tender look I glanced at
my fair companion who was dabb
ling her fingers in the cool waters
of the lake. “Ain’t it grand?” she
remarked. -
Silently I drowned her in the
middle of the lake, and rowed back
to the shore.
»■ * *
First Souse—HicM
Second Ditto—Hie!!
First—Don’ talk back to me!
# * *
Awlice—Did I ever show you
where I was tatooed
Jimsy—Nope.
Awlice—Well, we can drive
around that way.
• •
Kissing a girl is like opening a
bottle of olives—if you can get one,
the rest come easy.
* # *
THE DUB
He always has his lessons.
He never tries to bluff.
He always studies on week-ends.
He never cuts or is late to class. ,
He knows all his professors names,
and has a list of their office hours.
He never goes out “pigging” dur
ing the week.
He goes to church every Sunday.
He hates dances.
Shows are a bore.
Popular with the Girls?
Yes—He has a Packard Straight
Eight Roadster—
But, he talks with a lisp—
You know who I mean.
Dapper—Did you ever kiss a girl
when she wasn’t expecting it?
Dan—I doubt it.
* • #
Value of Economics
Bend—Lend me four bits, will ya?
Zene—Only got forty cents in
change.
Ben—Well, gimme that, and you
can owe me the other dime.
* * *
1
Sauce for the goose is gravy for
tomorrow’s hash.
Come—I wisht I had a milliun!
Seven—If va don’t quit scratch
ing I’ll believe you have.
* * •
The only thing that could be
■worse than a giraffe with a sore
throat, we figure, is a centipede
with chilblains.
Madge—I'm sorry I forgot to in
cite you to our dance.
Bubs—Why, did you have a
lance?
* * *
Now you take the women of to
iay. They are able to meet any sit
uation. I asked one the other day,
‘If I were to kiss you, how would
vou meet it?” Without doing any
thinking at all that I could see she
mswered, “Face to face.”
N—Heard you had trouble with
the dean!
Y—Did he say much! If he’d
said it with flowers he’d need a
conservatory.
A Tale of Whoa
Silence—more silence—a stream
moonlight through the open win
low.
“Hie.” The silhouette of a
gentleman in a top hat looms in the |
opening. The head is thrust through i
the aperture and two arms arrange j
themselves unsteadily but comfort- i
ably on the sill. A pair of curious
eyes scrutinize the sleeping figure
on the bed.
“Hie.”
Silence.
A wild scream arid a sickening
thud. A flood of light discloses the
curious observer guillotined beneath
the fallen window. Two eyes
afright from beneath the soft cover
let of the bed. A quavering femin
ine voice from the same quarter
gains courage.
“Sir! You are no gentleman!”
The eyes of the victim gleam with
a roguish light.
“Hie! N—Neither are you!”
“Say Bub, a frat house would sure
seem unnatural without a skull
in it.”
“Yup! So would a boat house.”
• • •
GULLIBLE TRAVELERS
The rain was pouring down—the
side curtains leaked, as did the top.
But, they were happy—he and she.
Only four flat tires—a broken spark
plug, and burned out lights but the
motor was running fine—now. A
glorious week-end spent at home—
now they were headed for Eugene.
Motoring in one of these fifty
dollar relic's is not what it should
be even at its best. Tonight it had
been at its worst. A thin ray of
light penetrated the darkness as
they pushed on with the asthmatic
cough of the motor to keep them
company. The heavens continued
to precipitate moisture as they en
tered a small village. The lights
of the town’s all night restaurant
threw a cheery glow on the passing
mechanical mistake—still nothing
happened.
Finally, the happy two drew up
in front of the right sorority house,
and he untangled himself from the
navigating apparatus—still nothing
happened. She quietly said good
night, hoping that they would be
able to go home again together—
sometime.
Moral—Apple-sauce.
LEMMY’S GHOST—
HOUSE HEADS URGED
TO STORE WOOD NOW
It seems to be a prevailing
custom of the various organiza
tions on the campus on the campus
to begin buying up quantities of
wood and stacking it on the park
ing spaces either in front or to one
side of their houses. This obnox
ious practice of leaving the wood
parked on these spaces until they
dry or until the aspiring members
of next year are asked to put it
under the roof must stop,, stated
the city Chief of Police.
It seems there is a city ordinance
against leaving these wood piles
in place longer than 36 hdurs for
each cord in the stack.
Quite a number of large stacks
of fire fuel have at different times
created a dangerous condition at
street corners and accidents have
happened on account of “blind”
corners that they caused, said the
chief. He urges the heads of the
organizations to put the wood in
early, at least be within the law,
and make for a cleaner and safer
city.
UNIVERSITY PROFESSORS
APPOINTED DEBATE JUDGES
Dr. Peter C. Crockatt, professor ]
of economies; Dr. Roger Williams, |
professor of chemistry; and Profes-,
sor E. W. Merril, instructor in En
glish, are leaving for Ashland to
day where they will act as judges
in the Ashland-Tillamook high
school debate to be held Saturday
evening.
The debate tvhicli is to be on the
question, “Resolved that the refer
endum is a desirable feature of a
representative government,” will
decide the championship of western
Oregon.
HALLY BERRY, ’23. TAKES
POST AT NORTHWESTERN
A letter has been received by
Professor Warren D. Smith, head |
of the geology department, from
Hally Berry, a graduate from that,
department in 1923. Mr. Barry
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