The Sunday Emerald
Vjgv ■ r" '
Literary Section
VOLUME XXV
UNIVERSITY OF OREGON, EUGENE* SUNDAY, DECEMBER 16, 1923
NUMBER 60
Literary Gossip
by
PAT MOKRISSETTE
Genius, says Mary Austen, is
quite attainable. In the wake of
this tremendous “intellectual
boom’’ which is supposed ' to be
devastating the campus (statistical
proof of which will, of course, be
evident in the scandal sheet) the
devotion of this column to methods
.used in the past to attain genius
may, or may not, be of dubious
value in this class race for know
ledge that has set the campus
scampering.
» * •
Most geniuses, it seems, got their
start by reading Pilgrim’s Progress
by candle light. But this is a poor
system to introduce on the campus,
as it would result in the duplica
tion of some Outlines course. And
besides, it’s bad for the eyes, as
well as being poor pedagogy.
* * *
Opal Whitely exhibited the first
evidence of genius by flunking
Bonehead English and thus quali
fying as a contributor to the At
lantic Monthly. However, this is
rather difficult to do nowadays due
the fact that most Freshmen are
hampered by a high school educa
tion.
* * »
O. Henry, Bunyan, etc., would
never have developed, the tradition
goes, had it not been for the fine
accomodations in prison. Yet little
literary development can be expect
ed from imprisonment today. The
jailors are such an uneducated
class, you know—no literary “back
ground’’ at all.
» • *
But really, all in all, there may
be some connection between the
fact that Lincoln could, and did
split fence rails and the earnest
simplicity of the Gettysburg Ad
dress. Yet one should not construe
(Continued on page two )
What Ho! Mencken—
and Wreckers
The Menckenites are Mr. H. L,
Mencken and his disciples.
The Menckenites don’t like Am
erica.
Mr. Mencken himself has been
damning America and Americans
for these many years, and he is
about to begin a new damning with
a brand new megaphone and in a
whole new suit of clothes. Verily,
as the herald of the gods he is to
come, he and his friend Nathan
(not the Wise, however! and from
the gods will thunder new anathemas
against us. What is our offense 1
Why, we are stupid, we are con
ventional, we are complacent; wo are
to religious, too Puritanical, too
democratic, too dry—especially dry
—too-too-too (here Mr. Mencken be
comes positively hysterical). What
more could be wrong with anyone
or anything? To be American! With
Mr. Mencken that is the peak of
turpitude, the lowest depth of
meanness.
Mr. Mencken lately burst into
print in England with his third
volume Of Prejudices. Like a meteor
..ith Halley-like effulgence, he
swept down upon the unsuspecting
Britishers, who staggered a little,
blinked their eyes, and then ap
plauded. Mr. Mencken was noisy,
he was oracular, he was vulgar, he
despised America. The Britisher
liked that. He saw therein a con
firmation of his own notions—secret
or otherwise—of his trans-Atlantic
cousins. As an editorial writer
has expressed it, “The boisterous,
semi-Teutonic rub-a-dub of Mr
Mencken is eagerly welcomed, pos
sibly because the guileless English
critics fondly imagine that all this
is so characteristically ‘American.
Among the many Mencken satel
lites is Ludwig Lewisohn. Mr. Lewi
sohn has recently published an amus
iny novel called Don Juan; it has
already been reviewed in these
pages. It is a very bad novel—
inconsistent and inconclusive. That
is, it is these things in idea. It has
two virtues: it is short and it is
written in fairly good style. But
Mr. Lewisohn’s intentions were
good. He wrote to win the approv
ing nod of.the intelligentsia, to re
buke us plodding Americans for our
Philistinism, and to satisfy his own
love for notoriety. This gentleman
has before been kind enough to tell
us what is wrong with us, so at
least part of this new offering is
smewhat gratuitous.
Well, what is the matter with
(Continued on page three)
Boneheads Are
Best Students
!
Book-Pounders Those
Who Get “Fives”
—
By Pat Morrisette
The Bonehead is the most abused
type of mediocrity on the campus.
He has never been judged fairly
either by his .instructors or by his
fellows; nor has the heartbreaking
resignation with which he flunks out
of college ever been appreciated.
This week will see many of them
fall before well-planned examina
tions, and it will be assumed that
they have failed to live up to the
(Continued on page three)
Poetry
A RONDEL OF DECEMBER
The year goes smiling to her death,
Like some fair queen of old.romance.
Her courage doth her charms en
hance:
Serene of eye, and calm of breath
The year goes smiling to her death.
No courtier months with her ad
vance,
No knightly weeks with poised
lance,
Old headsman Time has stopped
their breath.
But regal still, despite mischance,
As if she lead a stately dance
Like some fair queen of old romance
The year goes smiling to her death.
C. L. F.
IN A HIDDEN WOOD
In t^je deep, late watches of the
night I wake,
A widje, safe country of clouds
traversed,
And, ahead, wide valleys where the
moss will take
My footfalls first.
And we meet, Love, there in a hid
den wood;
My arms go groping to your patient
knees;
And the tragic, slow years of my
servitude
Only your eye sees.
Oh, the valleys on before are low,
Sluggish and slumbrous and dead.
A moment, Love, till I go,
At your knees, resting my head.
G. E.
SUNSET
A red sun slips into a blue sea
And down below me clouds take fire.
Twilight like smoke ascending soon
Blots out the purple hills.
Up from the funeral pyre
Flies thi cu,rled, burning icinder
Of the moon.
(Continued on Page Two.)
Christmas Season In
Minature Land
By Robert F. Lane
Perhaps thero is a Christmas
spirit.
But it is not the same everywhere.
We who live in the northern
hemisphere are accustomed to
Christmases with cool weather, short
days and long nights. In America,
particularly, the brandy for the
Christmas pudding must bo smuggl
ed in. or made at home. For pleas
ure there are no horse races, and
no opportunities to bet on the re
sults.
Those who livo in the souther*
hemisphere are accustomed to Christ
mas with warm summer weather, the
days long, and the nights short.
And the brandy for the Christmas
pudding does not have to bo sneak
ed in through underground routes.
In New Zealand, a Dominion of
Great Britain situated in tho South
Pacific some 1200 miles from the
eastern coast of Australia, Christ
mas comes during the hottest part
of the year. In the North Island the
days are humid as well as hot, and
exertion is enervating. Tinsel and
cotton batting to represent snow are
not in favor for Chirstmas decora
tion. And when the Christmas pud
ding is brought upon tho table, the
brandy burns with a tantalizing
blue flame.
New Zealand is a land of minia
tures. There are miniature forests,
miniature plains, miniaturo rivers.
Even the railways are small and in
convenient. But at Christmas time,
which comes just after the close of
such a spring season as few por
tions of the world can boast, the
air is bright, the waters of the in
lets turquoise blue, and the hillsides
green with verdure.
Christmas is the season of seasons
there for horse-racing. At Auck
land, out at Ellerslie Race Course
is run the famous Auckland Cup.
It is the chief racing event of the
entire year. Three largo grandstands
are provided. Each is sealed accord
ing to the entrance fee. To one
stand charging ten shillings admis
sion, the occupants are permitted to
place large bets on the outcome of
the galloping horses. At another,
where half a crown is required, the
bets are linlited to a few pounds.
It is a method of preventing those
j who cannot pay high admission fees
I from placing larger bets than they
| can handle.
Up in the stands the crowd surges.
They have como from the totalisat
or where they have placed bets.
(Continued on page four.)
i Traditions No
Longer Needed
Student Government
' Initiates a Utopia
By L. L. J.
What ho, another Utopia; a mil
lenium in student government—a
campus made safo for porch piffling
and ping pong. No longer the noisy
mobs of howling students eating pea
nuts and bawling out umpires; no
longer the barbaric shout, “Pigger,”
will ring across the peaceful Bpring
atmosphere.
Student democracy has taken a
stride forward. Student government
based upon the principle that tlio
(Continued on page two.)
Student Finds
Disappointment
In Education
_
Lusty Young Diogenes
After Long Search
Sees No Hope
By W. S. J.
APPLES OF THE DEAD SEA
“A grove sprang up—
Laden with fair fruit—
—Greedily they plucked
The fruitage fair to sight,
Like that which grew near that
Bituminous lake where Sodom
flamed.
Tliis, more delusive not the touch,
But tasto deceived.
They, fondly thinking to allay
Their appetite with gust,
Instead of fruit chewed bitter ashes,
Which offended the taste
With spattering noise rejected.”
-—Milton.
Fifteen years ago I started on a
search—a search for a vague, nebu
lous, hazy something, I had heard
called education. Why I was seek
ing, I did not know. What I was
seeking, I did not know. I knew
only that it was my duty to seek.
I was not anxious to give up my
dreams, my play, my sunfilled days.
I was happy. I was content. I was
as wise as I needed to be. But
others thought differently. They
took ine from the open fields and
placed me in dark, musty buildings.
They took me from the friends I had
known—friends who understood me
—and gave me in their place a stiff
lifeless creature whose face was as
cold and grey as the days that fol
(Continued on page four)
|[tuau
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Shaving Stands .$3.95 to $8.50
Ivory Compacts .98c
$1.25 Coty Face Powder .89c
20c Peters’ Chocolate Bars .15c
65c Sanitary Napkins .50c
$6.00 Gold Plated Gillette Razors .98c
50c Gillette Razor Blades .39c
I
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$1.00 Perfume, 2 for .$1.01
$1.00 Toilet Water, 2 for .$1.01
$3.00 Water Bottle, 2 for.$3.01
$3.00 Fountain Syringe, 2 for.$3.01
$3.50 Combination Water Bottles and
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50c Pouzonis Rice Powder, 2 for.51c
50c Rouge, gold boxes, 2 for .51c
$1.00 Compact Powder, 2 for.$1.01
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$1.75 Ivory Shaving Brushes, 2 for .$1.76
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