Oregon Sunday Emerald
VOLUME XXIV.
UNIVERSITY OF OREGON, EUGENE, SUNDAY, MARCH 4, 1923
_
NUMBER 106
This Week
CONGRESS CLOSES SESSION
CHARLIE, POLA HAVE SPAT
HARDING BOOM STARTS
RUHR STRUGGLE STATIONARY
• • •
MANY FREED BY RITNER
* * *
BOURKE COCHRAN DIES
,, * * *
'cabinet is switched
OLD, OLD SKULL FOUND
This week marks the closing of the
67th session of congress. A hectic ses
sion, and a stormy one, but not without
tangible results. The farm credits bill
is beyond the danger line, as is the de
ficiency bill, and the filled milk bill is
on its way home. Congress’ greatest
achievement, think some, is the satis
factory settlement of the British debt.
The poor ship subsidy bill, which caus
ed such a stir, fell low at this session,
and may never recover.
The movie-loving world was stirred
this week by a real lovers’ spat be
tween Charlie Chaplin and the beautiful
Pola Negri. Pola, hearing that Charlie
uttered the time-worn phrase, “Too
poor to marry,” immediately went into
an emotional fit, and called everything
off. Charlie succeeded in denying the
allegation, however, and now all is roses
again.
Road work in Oregon is to go forward
with a boom this season. The highway
commission will advertise for bids call
ing for $800,000 in highway construc
tion, and is also planning on the huge
bridge over the Willamette at Harris
burg. Proposed projects call for re
surfacing, building new roads, as well
as paving many of the more important
highways.
A boom “Harding for President” is
already being launched by Harding’s
friends. This, early activity indicates
a lively campaign in store for voters
during the next presidential race.
French invasion in the Ruhr has not
caused any real trouble during the last
week, although the Germans have stat
ed that they will be unable to control
the people in the invaded province,
should real hostilities arise. The strug
gle has settled down to a grim game of
waiting, with neither side gaining any
thing.
• » •
Records recently made public indi
cate that Roy Ritner, of Pendleton,
while acting as governor during 01
eott’s absence freed approximately 14
per cent of the prisoners in the state
penitentiary at Saleih. Many of those
turned loose were murderers in for life,
and almost all manners of crime are
included in the catalogue of deeds of
these pardoned men.
Kourke Cockran, a member of the
United States house of representatives,
and one of the country’s most able ora
tors, dropped dead last Thursday, a
victim of apoplexy. He was known the
world over for his oratorical ability,
and for his staunch stand against the
prohibition amendment.
. . 4
President Harding this week switch
ed the lineup in his cabinet, placing
Dr. Hubert Work as secretary of the
interior, and Senator Harry S. New, of
Indianna as head of the postoffice de
partment. Work succeeds Albert B.
Fall, and New takes the position vacat
ed by Dr. Work.
* * * *
Of great interest to geologists and
other scientists is the alleged discov
ery of the skull of a human being sup
posed to have lived during the Tertiary
period. If the skull is an authentic
relic of this period, it is the oldest sign
of humans known.
NEW ICONOCLAST APPEARS
Paper Supposedly Published by College
Students Quotes Upton Sinclair
Madison, Wis., March 1.—“The Scor
pion.” a four-page publication, calling
itself “A political newspaper, publish
ed fortnightly by a group of students
at the University of Wisconsin,” ap
peared on the campus on February 9.
It declared itself “Not recognized as
a University publication” and did not
name its editors, but printed its office
address. The first number carried ar
ticles criticizing various aspects of the
university, and reprinted two chapters
from “The Goosestep.” a new book by
Upton Sinclair.
There was much talk in the newspa
pers about “expulsion” of the editors.
Noaction has been taken by the faculty,
however, because the publication so far
contains nothing for which students are
ever disciplined, authorities declare.
LAUGHTER CALLED
SUPERIORFEEUG
| Loud Guffaws Held to Be Self
Advertisement; Jokes Often
Based on Tragic Happenings
| RESPECT PRICE OF HUMOR
.
—
Scientists Say Snicker Throw
back to Our Primitive Days;
Misfortunes Cause Most Fun
By Waldemar Seton
From childhood on, the average mor
tal has the merits of laughter constant
ly impressed upon him. It seems to be
the ambition of every parent to make
his progeny into a human hyena or a
second Pollvanna.
Poets flood the weary world with
their rabid ravings on the wonderful
effects of a laugh. Song writers are
forever coming forth with some bit of
so-called melody extolling the various
virtues of a sunny disposition. One
of these gems which is always received
by the laugh lovers with loud shouts
of approbation is entitled, “Pack Up
Your Troubles in Your Old Kitbag, and
Smile, Smile, Smile.” Even doctors say
that a good, hearty laugh is an aid to
digestion.
What is laughter that the whole
world should rise and acclaim it king?
What is laughter that men should pre
fer to sing of its charms and starve,
rather than work at an honest trade
and gi’bw fat? What is laughter that
it should make people who have never
sung a note in tlieir lives, and never
will be able to, stand up and crack their
throats in praise of that facial contor
tion which is called a smile? What is
laughter that it should make doctors
desert their pills and physics, and say
that there is nothing better for the
digestion than a hearty laugh? What
is it?
Laughter Is Throwback
Scientists say laughter is a throw-1
back to our primate days. They say.
that originally it was the bellow which !
our aboriginal ancestors emitted when1
they had shown their supremacy over
some ape or over some other fellow
beast. They say that laughter is mere
ly a matter of self-advertisement,—an
advertisement in which you call atten
tion to your superiority and to anoth
er’s inferiority.
I once took one hundred so-called
jokes, and analyzed them for their
mirth-provoking qualities. Ninety-six
of them depended upon the misfortune
of some persons or persons for their
laugh, and the other four were not
I runny, musts mueij-aiA jvj*.©o
ical of all laughter. Laughter arises
only in the misfortunes of others. When
some one has a mishap, a feeling of
superiority surges over us, and we feel
j called upon to let the world know of
I our superiority,—and we let it know
j by emitting joyous, gusty guffaws,
i Take for example: A man slips and
the lower end of his spinal column
comes in contact with the hard and
unyielding pavement. What do we do
in “a case like that? Do we turn our
heads and shed a silent, but sincere
tear for the poor unfortunate? We
do not. We indulge in shameless laugh
ter. We glory in our own superiority.
Infection Is Fatal
“And the poor unfortunate, what of
him? Does he rese" our implication
of his inferiority? He does not. He
instantly becomes infected with the hal
lucination that he is a born humorist.
Before his accident, he was a dignified
man, a man who realized that a sober
face is indicative of sound thinking, a
man who knew that idiots and ticklish
children were the only persons who
were constantly laughing.
After his accident what is he? He
has lost all self-respect. He is imbued
with the idea that he is a wit. He sub
; scribes to joke books. He buys rubber
! tacks, and cigars that explode when you
I light them. He discards his judge’s
j wig in favor of the fool’s cap and
| bells. He becomes a monkey on a
j stick, funny to look at, but of little
value to the world at large. He has
sacrificed all on the altar of laughter.
So it is with all of us. Laughter is
a trap set for our unwary feet, a ser
pent coiled in our path, a siren who
\ charms us and destroys us. As such we
! should know laughter, and as such we
should avoid it as we avoid the sirens
of Ulysses who ever sought to lure the
mariners of old to death and destruc
tion.
EXTENSION DIVISION HEAD
PRESENTS CHARTER TO CLUB
Earl Kilpatrick, director of the uni
versity extension department and re
gional director of the state Kiwanis
club, went to Tillamook Saturday to
present a charter of the club to a new
ly organized group of that place. He
went by way of Astoria where between
40 and 50 other persons accompanied
him to Tillamook.
Students Steal
Fruit and Candy
Off Honor Stand
Northwestern University, Feb. 28.—
Some time ago there was established at
the Northwestern university several
“honor” candy and fruit stands. Stu
dents were supposed to help themselves
and deposit the proper amount for the
articles taken.
Recently, however, thefts have be
come so numerous that a watch was
placed on the stands, resulting in
the detection of six students, one
of them a girl, taking fruit and candy
without paying anything, or short
changing the deposit boxes. A fresh
man stole one apple; a graduate stu
dent stole 30 cents worth of candy and
fruit; a sophomore ten cents’ worth; a
co-ed one apple, and two freshmen help
ed themselves to fruit worth 15 cents
each and neglected to deposit any mon
ey whatsoever.
The cases of the six offenders will be
placed before the student council at a
special meeting.
JUNIORS-SENIORS WIN IN
‘CROSS-PAVEMENT’ MEET
“Speed” Peltier, Varsity Ground
Hound, Tears Across Tape First;
Race Takes Runners Down Town
The interclass cross-country yester
day afternoon resulted in the junior
senior joint team winning with 29
points. The sophomores came second
with 34 points against them and the
freshmen last with 57. “Speed” Pel
tier, veteran varsity runner, was first
to cross the tape, covering the three
miles in 18 min., 12 sec. Tetz for the
sophomores crossed one second later.
The entire course was on the pave
ment. The runners started at the men’s
gym, going down Thirteenth street to
Willamette and down Willamette to the
fountain and return. One of the main
ideas in laying out the course was to
arouse some down-town interest in Lem
on-Yellow track. It was Coach Hay
ward’s plan to have the traffic stopped
during the race and blow a siren to at
tract attention, but the city said “no,”
and the race was carried on through
the regular street travel.
The names of the runners and time
made are:
Pelteir, s., time 18 min., 12 sec.;
Tetz, so., 18 min., 13 sec.; Beatie, jr.,
18 min., 21 sec.; Keating, fr., 18 min.,
22 sec., Walkley, s., 18 min., 48 sec.;
Wintlier, so., 18 min., 52 sec.; Carlson,
so., 19 min., 28 sec.; McCall, ur., 19 min.,
30 sec.; Madlund, so., 19 min., 34 sec.;
Searles, So., 19 min., 35 sec.; Gerke,
fr., 19 min., 42 sec.; Wingard, 20 min.,
53 sec.; O’Rurke, fr., 22 min., 1 sec.;
McCabe, fr., 23 min.
The biggest event so far this season
will be held next Saturday afternoon
on Hayward field in the form of inter
class relays. In these 64 men will have
a chance to take part. The races will
consist of the half mile, the mile, the
two mile, and four mile relays. Bill ex
pects to be able to pick four men from
each class for every race with the pos
sible exception of the four mile. It
may be probable that the juniors and
seniors will be forced to double up as
in yesterday’s competition.
The men who will take part will be
picked this week. The relay require
ments call for 220 yard men for the
half mile relay, 440 yard men for the
mile, 880 yard men for the two mile,
and milers for the four mile. There
will be four men picked from each class
for each race, making 64 total.
MEN TO SING AT ASSEMBLY
Phi Mu Alpha Will Entertain Students
With Annual Concert on March 8
Phi Mu Alpha, men’s national music
organization, will give its annual en
tertainment at the next assembly,
Thursday, March 8. The program will
not be announced until next week, but
according to Balph Poston, chairman
of the affair, it will include orchestra
numbers, bass solo by Aubrey Furry,
tenor solos by Arthur Johnson, piano
solos by Arthur Hicks, and a double
quartet number.
Phi Mu Alpha was established on the
' Oregon campus two years ago. The
principal ideal of the organization is to
build up American music, and try to
make appreciation of good music more
general. Members are taken in, not
only from purely professional merits,
but also those who are interested in
putting the musical profession on the
| basis with others, and who try to get
| the best there is in music. The pur
pose here differs somewhat from that
of Mu Phi Epsilon, in that the latter
organization stresses more the profes
sional standing.
Faculty members of the University
who belong to Phi Mu Alpha are Dean
John J. Landsbury of the school of
music, who holds a national office in
the organization; Rex Underwood, John
Siefert and Ronald Reid. Glen Morrow
is president of the society.
Building Planned as Social
Hub of Entire University;
Eating Facilities Wanted
SMOKING DEN IS DESIRED
Conflict With Aim of Y, M. C,
A, Is Forseen; Financial Ob
stacles Are Also Bugaboo
By R. F. Lane
During the vacant hour, where do
you go? During the many vacant hours
between classes where do you go? And
the answer suggested is the erection of
a Student Union building. There will
be provision for smoking and swearing
and spinning of yarns—if fellows want
to; and there will be provision for
combing bobbed hair, gossip and danc
ing if girls want to, and a place to
study for men and women. A cafeteria
installation will serve meals three times
a day at as near cost as possible.
There might be other features in
cluded in the plans of the building. A
large dance floor, fitted" with sliding
partitions to subdivide the large room
into six or eight smaller rooms any
one of them suitable for dancing par
ties, for lecture rooms or for club
meetings. The large floor might serve
for an auditorium as well as a dance
floor.
Y. M. Also Has Plans
The V. M. C. A. has plans for a new
building which would contain “social
rooms,” a cafeteria, as well as an audi
torium.* This building, like a Students’
Un^i would presumably be erected on
the campus. Its purpose and existence
would be parallel to a Students’ Union,
and so, whichever building comes first,
one will be a duplication of the other.
Which means that the erection of a Y.
M. C. A. building will prvent the erec
tion of a Students’ Union, and that the
Students’ Union will prevent the erec
tion of a Y. M. C. A. building. The
dilemma is inescapable. Yet the Y. M.
C. A. heads express themselves as heart
ily favoring a Students’ Union building.
This may mean one of two things: The
Y. M. C. A. would like to dominate the
Students’ Union or forestall it. Sec
retary Putnam of the Y. M. C. A. has
plans for the erection of a “Union
School of Religion” off the campus,
but near it. This institution, and a
Student Union would care for both
religious and social student desires. It
seems likely that a “Union School of
Religion” and a Y. M. C. A. would ra
ther subdue these social needs.
But as much as students themselves
may want a Student Union, and as
much as there may be need for an aud
itorium, there are serious objections
to a building planned on so large a
scale. For every brick the A. S. U. O.
must go into debt. At the present
time it is not out of debt, and the ex
ecutive council has no intention of
assuming additional obligations.
Building Costs High
Building costs at present are high,
and even if the consent of the execu
tive council was obtained, no building
large enough could be built for an
amount secured by reasonably pledging
the A. S. U. O. credit. Further, there
is opposition to the erection of cheap
buildings on the University campus.
This financial problem as it stands .is
a factor against a Student Union.
There are probably other buildings
the University needs more than a Stu
dent Union. ’ There is equipment the
University needs more. There is need
for more instruction in art, in music,
and in other departments.
Upon one thing there is unanimous
agreement. There should be and there
soon must be a University Commons.
A commons would relieve the halls and
provide a> means of obtaining inexpen
i sive meals in whatever quantity iiuliv
| iduals want. There are very few prob
lems in connection with a commons, and
a movement to create one should be
speedily introduced.
Commons Presents Solution
Meanwhile the University of Oregon
I is growing. It is not the University
I it was ten years ago. In ten years
' there are prospects of its having secur
ed ten million dollars, and when that
occurs, Oregon will not be the Univer
sity it is at present. Oregon will be
| a ’larger University. Its growth is
certain to continue, and some anticipa
; tion must be made for it. For the
| present a commons is the solution; foi
i the future a Student Union.
INVESTIGATION PROVES
STUDENTS LIKE SCANDALS
University of Wisconsin, Feb. 28.—
College students read scandal more thar
anything else, according to an investi
gation completed by the journalism col
lege of the University of Wisconsin.
Anti-Co-ed Band
To Organize at
U.of Wisconsin
An organization of male students is
] about to be formed at the University
of Wisconsin of males who pledge thern
I selves not to marry college women. It
j will be known as the “Society for the
i Welfare of Male Students.” “The or
ganization is intended primarily to in
fluence men in the university against
chasing a woman student for a wife”;
the reason stated is that such marriages
are apt to result in divorces or unhappy
home relations.
FROSH FIVE EASILY WINS
FROM COLUMBIA 28 TO 16
Slow, Unscientific Game Kesembles Vol
leyball Tilt; Centers Exchange
Too Many “Love Pats”
In a slow and listless contest marred
by numerous fouls and several wordy
arguments, the frosh five took the sec
ond ganle from the Columbia university
preppers yesterday afternoon, 28 to 16.
Columbia presented a five-man de
fense at the outset which seemed to
disturb the yearlings not a little and
they were unable to score for sovoral
minutes. The visitors worked with
greater vim than in Friday’s contest
and held the lead during the first part
of the opening period. Their close
checking indirectly lost them the lead
for the babes were enabled to forge
ahead by virtue of free throws which
Bryant converted. The initial period
was hard fought with most of tho points
being gained through foul throws. It
ended 13 to 8 for the freshmen.
In the second period tho opposing
centers, Gosser and Brennan began to
exchange “love taps” with such a bold
frequency that Beferee Eddie Edlunds
was shocked into sending them both
to the showers. The changes which re
sulted seemed to demoralize the play
ing of both squads, and from then on
they put up a ragged exhibition. Wild
passes and ineffective shots at the bas
ket featured for both teams. The frosh
managed to connect just a little more
frequently and this enabled them to
win. No exceptional playing was no
ticeable on either side. Hobson was
perhaps the only frosh who displayed
his usual form. Gosser was unable to
convert a single basket, while Bryant
shot three field goals and six fouls for
a total of 12 points. For Columbia Al
bers and Murphy put up commendable
games.
The line-up:
piroah_28 Columbia—16
Bryant 12.F.Ginty 2
Stoddard 6.F.Murphy 4
Gosser .C.Brennan 5
Hobson 4.G.-. Logan
Mautz 4.G.Schulmerich
! Farley 2.S.Albers 4
S.Sweeney 1
Beferee, Eddie Edlunds.
ERROR IN NAME HOLDS UP
PAYMENT OF INSURANCE
Dean Dyment, Who Served Overseas
During War, Is Asked to Help
to Get Soldier’s Fund
A reminder of war days has recently
! Come to Dean Colin Dyment of the
I college of liberal arts in the form of a
letter from a woman in Bloomdale,
johio, who writes that a small girl there
is unable to get $10,000 which was
j left to her in the shape of a war insur
j ance policy, on account of a mistake in
! the spelling of her name on the policy.
| This friend of the little girl asks the
: dean if he can recollect any informa
i tion concerning the generous soldier
. which will clear up the difficulty. Dean
! Dyment served for several years as
officer in the intelligence department
. of the army, and was a member of the
famous 91st division.
In his answer to this woman’s letter
I the dean explained that after the first
phase of the Argonne fighting the 362
infantry of the 91 division was
transferred to take part in the battle
of the Scheldt river. One division was
about 7900 men short, due to casualties
and illness, and about 5000 men from
the 84th division were sent in as re
placements. Among these was a Bul
garian named Steve Petcoff, from
Bloomdale, Ohio, who was assigned to
Company II. In the first day of battle
PcD-off was killed and although no one
actually saw him fall, his body was
found about a mile from the town of
Waereghem, and he was buried with
seventeen others in a grave whose num
ber the dean can utter with alarming
accuracy, but which no human reporter
ilarcs repeat.
Petcoff had taken out $10,000 war
insurance policy through the govern
ment and made it payable to young
Hermie Frederick of Bloomdale..
Through some mistake the name on the
police appears as Armie Frederick and
therefore the small girl has never been
: ahie to get the insurance during the
four years that her legator has been
i dead.
ikn1C OF TUI'S
TOMO MEAN STUNT
No Permission Asked of Oid
Timer to Take Away Dope
from Final Resting Place
CARCASS COMES OUT NEXT
Petrified King Should Rise
in Wrath and Smite Down
Robbers of Sacred Dump
By Monte Byers
Over in Egypt they are having one
cantankerous time. It is all the out
come of historically inclined bozos root
ing up the muck in the Valley of Kings
for the preserved hide and bones and
kitchen utensils of one Tutankhamen,
branded as the halfwit, high scepter
swinger of Thebes, in the valley of the
Kile.
In spite of the 3000 years which
tried to seal over the hiding place of
the mighty dumbcll, these bespectacled
scientists, geologists, historians, and
what not, have managed to dig right
into the old boy’s back yard and re
move his culinary paraphernalia and
his gymnasium apparatus and now they
ire all going in after the petrified car
cass of his nibs. What for? To set
up in some corner of an antique shop
and charge six-bits a throw to cast
your lamps on the cold foatures of the
Bucko who swayed the destiny of the
Nile.
But we ask, have these slaves of
science consulted old stupid about tak
ing his pots and pans and his own
shrunken anatomy out into the sun
light to become the center of attrac
tion of a race that doesn’t care wheth
er Tutankhamen is a brand of cigar
ettes or the name of a south sea jelly
fish?
Permission Overlooked
No they didn’t ask “Tank” for a
writ of trespass, but went right in
through the gate and started rifling
his cache of boiled ham and pickled
pig ’h knuckles. When they got that
out they went right back and got his
shaving set, and his riding boots, and
the old shay in which he dashed about
Thebes in regal splendor.
Now we ask you, gentle reader, would
you consent to having some one muss
up the sanctity of your eternal slumber
by breaking open the old casket, prod
ding you in the ribs with the business
end fo a pick and then carting you off
for the general public to gaze upon
in some open place?
In the first place you wouldn’t get
by very heavy. By the time you would
bo ripe for the debut, your raiment
would be a mess of shambles and they
might run you in as a wobbly or a
knight of the ties. That is where Tu
tank had it on us. His trappings were
soaked in a conglomeration of cow horn,
whale oil, and nearly dead eggs, a com
bination that would keep the elements
at bay until the world bumps into the
Pillars of Hercules.
Without doubt you wouldn’t like to
have some bird with a muck stick break
up your slumber, by telling you to roll
out and prepare for the parade to tho
museum. Well then, think of “ lank.
He may have another year to pound the
feathers in his sarcophagus. Again he
may be jerked before that time to ap
pear in a one act play before the rude,
leering public.
Wrath IS ITtxuoieu
Put yourself in the old boy’s shoes
(sandals to be exact) and think how
you would act if a gang came in and
told you to “rise and shine.” What
would you do? You’d rise right up out
of your limestone bunk, grab your jewel
studded mace, paste the intruder on the
c6nk, roll over and dream about how
you and Asher-Jaser-Ter-Bousky used
to play marbles in the alleys of Thebes.
Think of poor old Tutankhamen. His
slumber is about over and he will soon
face the public. Pity him. His crock
ery is to be spilled all over the globe
and blundering people of the times will
come to stare at him. But then the
old boy may not care, as his soul left
his body and went into the body of a
pig rooting in the cabbage patches
along the Nile.
HONESTY POLICY PREVAILS
Very Little Money Lost at Iowa State
College on Students Trusted
Iowa State, March 1.—“Honesty is
the best policy,” is one of the unwritten
mottoes of the Iowa State students.
! Recent investigations at the College
Inn and the College Book Store have
disclosed the fact that very little mon
ey has ever been lost by business men
in trusting a student. Many apparent
evidences of dishonesty such as making
: out checks on banks where the issuer
had no funds and signing wrong ad
dres'os was attributed to carelessness
on the part of the student.
Ninety-five per cent of the instances
in which the above happened were re
■ deemed by the students concerned, ac
i cording to business men.