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About Oregon emerald. (Eugene, Or.) 1909-1920 | View Entire Issue (April 26, 1913)
s> WE SHOULD WORRY THE OREGON BOOT VOL. II. No. 4 STAFF Editor .Wm. A. Cass Assistant.A. H. Davies Cartoonist .T. M. Solve Contributors. Evans Houston. Harry Crain. Chester Fee. One Unknown. EDITORIAL It gives us great pleasure to an nounce that by constant and conscien cious effort we have managed to se cure a number of the most prominent humorists of the country as contribu tors to the Oregon Boot. We are practically assured that within a few days Jorg Aid will send us a few “Fables in Slang,” Ugen Feald will add a page or two of his “Primer,” and John Kendrick Shoots will donate :some of his inimitable humorous verse. Masonic Walter has promised some prose-poems, and for the benefit of the ladies, Carrie Line Wells will reel of a few yards of poetic rag time. * * * Speaking of mean men, did you hear of man so mean that he would skin a skunk to save the scent? * * * In playing a practical joke on a man, if you use some tact, he will al ways get the point. He Ought to Have a Maxim Silencer. Billings—“Ah, shucks, I can’t play tennis.” Soden—“You ought to be able to handle the racket, you came from up near the Sound.” Look him over well that says he has a great will power—it is a character istic of the mule family. * * * All that is necessary to be called a “live wire” is to shock people. * * * The rolling stone gathers no moss, but the rolling gait is apt to cause the collection of a fine. * * * “Miss P-w-11, did you have fish dur ing Lent?” (Absently)—“No, I had Lamb.” PESTIFEROUS PARKISON Prologue. Pacificating Prexy perpetually pleads peace; peace permeates Prexy's philosophy. ’Propriation passes, providing pec unia plentifully, permitting perman ency, progress. Particolored peaens prepared. Pleasure pervades par ents’, pupils’ partisans’ phisiogs, prog ress possible. Pianissimo Pedal. Parkison, perennial pest, power fully prompted perhaps, prepares pe tition plucking passed ’propriation. Prexy pleads peace. Plot proceeds, Parkison’s pull pro duces plentifully, pushing pestiferous procedure. Presently pestilence per vades peaceful precincts packing peti tion. Preaching parsimonious policy, Par kison plods peasantward. Perceiving plowman, Parkison pauses. “Pardon, Plebean, ponder please.” Parkison peddles pasturage prolif icly. Plowman possesses putty per sistancy. Poignant phrases proving persuasive, passively pencils peti tion. Petition proposition proves poor pay. Parkison pauses, ponders. Presently poising pen, plastic pen manship provides plentifully, phantom petitioner’s plaster petition. __ If H*t~ I "Tnr BE \ GEaRY Gct*> * Vrvy n L mv f* , A7/«M/F <7^ y 'll ftgu B|ll TR**-* Oof<pc>N &AD A Few/ EVENT'S OF THE Fast Week Parkison presents petition prohib iting payment. Parkison’s palm pressed passionately, patrioticly pre served pocketbook—Piffle. “Peace, peace.” Prexy’s plaint pre rails. Phunny Phthing. Prying persons peeping properly, perusing properly, perusing peti tion, perceive phony petitioners. Plainly pretty putrid. “Perjury.” Penitentiary Parkison’s proper place. Pestiferous Parkison paled percept ibly. Paid physician pronounces pneu monia, prison prohibited. Parkison perish perhaps. Prexy, pleading passivity, pegs away. Presently politics persist, politi cians purloining public positions, pass pruned ’propriation. Profanity. “Pasha” Parkison, possibly pelf prompted, proclaims possibility pick ling present 'propriation. Patriotism propels Parkison?—Perish possibil ity! Powerful pull prods Parkison. Produce pull?—Proof protected. Prexy pleads peace. Perish Prexy’s passive philosophy. Preempt Parki son. Pulpify pasty phisiog. Pistolate persistant pest, percipitate pestifer ous pup purgatoryward. Properly psalmized, plunge perjurer plump into perdition’s profoundest pits. Pulver ize pennywise policy pushers. Presently perhaps Prexy’s peace proclamations prove practicable. They Worked the Squeeze. A young man was escorting to her home a young lady who lived on First street. Young Lady—“By the way, can you play baseball?” Young Man—“Sure!” Young Lady—“Well, I am safe on First. Let’s see you make a home run.” With that the young man stole one, and, when he found that the young lady was not put out, he decided that he had made a safe hit. The game was then called on account of dark ness. —Stanford Chaparral. * * * A Miss Understanding. (A Drama in One Dram.) (Scene, interior of clothing store.) ---& Frosh—“Let’s see your new under wear.” Lady Clerk (blushes)—“Sir!” (Re covering self-composure.) “Knit?” Frosh—“Why not?” (Quick curtain. Gallery goes wild.) —Stanford Chaparral. ♦ * * Forgot Where He Was. Father (mangling the turkey): “What will you have* son—dark or » light?” Son (absently)—“Thanks, but I’m on the wagon.” —Cornell Widow. ♦ * * The Reason. Subscriber—“Why don’t you have any more really good jokes in your paper?” Editor—“Ah-er-you see, we have a lady compositor in the printing room now.” —Illinois Siren. * * * ANSWERS TO CORRUGATIONS By Contumely. Our San Francisco correspondent writes that William Jennings Bryan has been elected to membership in the Elevator Conductor’s Union of that city. We are open to sugges tions as to what events will follow. When the Shoveler’s Union passed W. H. Taft’s name he began to dig the Panama ditch. Ambitious Frosh—It is not ‘Slow’ but ‘sloe.’ Yes, it works as fast as any. We cannot account for the name or the taste. Sweet 16—No, the ‘stick” is not used to stir the punch. Havana Cigar House, next door to Eugene Ttheatre. IMPERIAL HOTEL The Place Where You Will Meet All Your Friends First class Grill Seventh and Washington, Portland QUALITY AND SERVICE By OREGON ENGRAVING CO PORTLAND, OREGON Designing and Engraving SOPHOMORE BENJAMIN and STYLEPLUS SPRING SUITS © In Blue Serges, Greys, Tans and Browns ° $ 17.00|to $30.00 Kahn Tailorin£[Made.to Measure Suits SJS.OOjto $50.00 Knox and MalloryfHats, $3.00 to $5.00 Roberts Brothers COLLEGE GOLFERS PLAN TWO TOURNAMENTS Contests Similar to Those Held Last Season, With Silver Trophy Cups as Prizes. The staging of two golf tourna ments was planned at a meeting of the Golf Club held Tuesday after noon in Dr. Schmidt’s class room. President Fen Waite has appointed a committee consisting of Kenneth Fra zier, James Cellars and Jessup Strang to manage the tournaments and act as a ranking committee in the handicap events. Faculty and Students Eligible. All students and members of the Faculty are eligible to participate in these tournaments. Lists will be posted within a few days in all the principle buildings on the campus, so that all who wish may sign up for the different events. The committee has announced that all entries must be in by May 1, as the drawings and rank ings will take place at that time and play started the first of the following week. It is the plan of the club to be more strict this season in following the schedule. All players who do not appear on the links at the regular time will lose by default. Three matches will be played each after noon and only by permission of the president of the club or chairman of the ranking committee will a change in the schedule be granted. The silver cups donated last year by the local jewelers will again be available, as they are the permanent property of the University, the win ner’s name is engraved upon the trophy, which he keeps until the next season. Prescott Holds Cup. The Laraway cup given to the win ner of the men’s open championship tournament is now held by Bert Pres cott, who defeated all comers last Spring. This is a challenge cup and the winner of the tournament must play Prescott for possession of the trophy. The men’s handicap event for the H. D. Smartt cup was begun last Spring but never completed, as the contestants did not play off their 1 matches. The cups will be on display in the Library during the tournaments. Get the 623 habit. Eagle Drug Co. Phone 623. GEARY 6IVES REPORT Columbia Meet and Debate Trip Show Deficit—Baseball Trip Makes Money. With a deficit of $136.10 from the Columbia track meet, a gain of $163.40 from the baseball trip, and.a deficit of $78.10 from the debate trip, Manager Arthur M. Geary submits the following reports: Report of Columbia Indoor Track Meet, April 12: Advanced money from Treas ury .$250.00 Total expenditures or deficit from trip .$136.10 To be turned back into treas ury . 113.00 Money advanced by Mr. Tif fany from treasury.$250.00 Report of baseball trip through In land Empire, April 12: Receipts. April 12—From Willamette University .$ 50.00 April 15—From Washington State College . 200.00 April 18—From the University of Washington . 200.00 April 19—From Multnomah Club . 60.00 Total Receipts .$510.00 Recapitulation. Total expenditures (exclusive of mileage) .$346.60 Balance turned in to treasury (exclusive of advance money) . 163.40 Total receipts from games....$510.00 Turned into treasury for mile age used (5,076 miles).$126.90 Turned into treasury for net profit from trip . 36.50 Total amount turned into treasury .$163.40 Report of the debate trips to Stan ford and Utah: Total receipts .$443.00 Total expenditures .$364.90 Deficit, to be returned to treas ury . 78.10 $443.00 Among the nations of the earth, the United States is ranked lowest for the percentage of its population enrolled in colleges and universities. Fresh MacDonald’s Candies. Eagle Drug Co. Phone 623. Y. M. C. A. CABINET DECIDES TO HOLD MILL RACE PICNIC At the last meeting of the Cabinet of the Young- Men’s Christian Associa tion Wednesday afternoon, the report of the delegates to the Albany con ference was heard. This convention was held April 18, 19, and 20, and was attended by representatives from all of the collegiate institutions of Ore gon, except Dallas and Reed Col leges. John Black and William Murphy were the delegates from Ore gon. The Cabinet decided to hold a Y. M. C. A. picnic up the race shortly after Junior Week-End. No definite arrange ments have been made, but the date will be announced shortly. Stanford University has signed a contract to send their baseball team to Keio University, Japan, where they will remain thirty days and play twelve games. The contract only calls for a guarantee of $3,600, which will necessitate the students of Stan ford raising an additional $500. Alfred Shrubb, the noted English runner, has been engaged to coach the Harvard track team for the pres ent season. Phone 25 LOOK! W. M. GREEN The Grocer 623 Willamette Opened to Corvallis Che Oregon Electric Railway Limited and Local Trains. Faster time’to Salem and Portland Observation Parlor Cars on Dwttetf Crains Sleeping Cars on Owl Crains first Class Coaches on Jill Crains Limited. Local. Limited. Local. Owl. Leave Eugene....7:35 o. m, 11:15 a. m. 1:45 p.m. 6:00 p.m. 12:01 p.nv Arrive Corvallis....9:00 a. m. 12:50 a. m. 3:05 p.m. 7:66 p.m. _ Arrive Albany.9:00 a.m. 12:45 a. m. 3:00 a.m. 7:45 a.m. 2:00a. Arrive Salem.10:00a.m. 2:00a. m. 4:00p.m. 9:00p.m. S:80a. Arrive Portland .11:36 a. m. 4:00 a. m. 5:35 p.m. 11:00 p.m. 6:50 a. Through tickets are sold, baggag e checked, and sleeping car accommo dations made to Eastern destinations. Through! tickets are sold to points oast and north of Portland. Faroe, schedules, and other details win he furnished on rognont. W. D. SKINNER, H. R. KNIGHT, Traflc Manager, Agent, Portland, Ore. Begone, Ore.