WE SHOULD WORRY
THE OREGON BOOT
STAFF
Editor .Wm. A. Cass
Assistant.A. H. Davies
Contributors.
Harry Crain
G. Good
Claience Brotherton
T. Solve
Vol. I. No. 2
EDITORIAL
Right now we are stumped for a
subject to use as an editorial, the fact
is, we have nothing. We would use
that except that we don’t like to imi
tate our worthy foster-parent, the
Emerald. It wouldn’t be nice, you
know, to try to get away with its prin
ciple stock in trade.
Probably it would be well to men
tion a few of the things that were
forgotten last time, For instance this
is volumn two, number two, of the
Oregon Boot. Volumn one was a sub
rosa publication depending for its ex
istence on the Dormitory. There are
not many numbers of the paper in ex
istence, but there are a large number
of subscribers who paid their good
money to supply noodle banquets for
the former staff.
Today we make the announcement
that the next number to appear will
be the Knocker’s Number. We have
no hesitation in telling our worthy
readers that it will be a “warm baby.”
The Eidtor and his Assistant have ar
langed to leave on the first train
Thursday night.
GOBBLERS PREPARE TO
STAGE “SOME" PRODUCTION
What is characterized as one of the
most exclusive and original of the sea
son’s dramatic productions will be
staged wtihin a few weeks by that
mystic and nocturnal order, the
Gobblers, according to the purport of
the program, a copy of which came by
accident (not to say stealth) into the
hands of the Boot reporter. Members
of the order are extremely reticent
when questioned, but it is understood
that the Grand Master, Marshal, and
Lord High Executor, are prospective
members of the caste.
As advertised, the drama “Hamome
let, Prince of Hallmark,” will be pre
sented in “Grotto del Mort” at twelve
bells, on the evening of the “fourth
cycle of Montezuma.” Admittance
will be limited strictly to active Gobb
lers of the various chapters, and the
occasion will represent the annual re
union of the five affiliated orders, with
the parent, chapter as host.
The Dramatis Personae include
Hamomelet, Prince of Hallmark;
Polutinus, the Privy Councillor; Ophe
likehelya, his daughter; King Clodo
pus, the usurper; Alas P. Yorick; and
the ghost of Hamomelet’s father. But
little can be learned regarding the
authorship of the travesty. The set
ting in time, is a “deuce of a while
ago.”
Why Not?
News Item—“The suffragettes pay
their fine with a smile.”
A Promising Frosh—“Gee! I believe
I’ll manhandle that man P-rk-ns-n.”
* * *
Oh! Nc! Not the Senior Play!
“Yes,” sighed the tragedian, “there
was only one drawback to the whole
occasion.”
“What was that?” inquired the In
genue.
“The Hook!”
* * *
In Sweetser's Lab.
Martzloff—“Where do the Deady
Bugs go in the winter?”
Lamb (absent-mindedly)—“Search
me!”
* * *
Duiing the past week Ye Editor has
spent much time seeking out an offi
cial Poet-Lariat, as they say in the old
country. Just when we thought we
had a jewel, that disciple of Homer
turned in the following:
The crowd all the sidewalk was
blocking;
The disorder was certainly shocking;
The cause of the jam
Was just a young dam
Sel, extracting carfare from her hos
iery.
We gave that Poet-Lariat the
noose
Dear Dad:
When 1 came up to Oregon you told
me to learn to stand alone. Well, I
could now. By special delivery, if
convenient.
Your affectionate son.
* * *
Birds of a feather souse together.
* * *
A-La-Emerald.
'Tis sweet to roam when the morn
ing’s light, resounds across the deep:
and the sparkling song of the ivy
bright, hushes the rocks to sleep. ’Tis
fun to float on a Sunday morn, upon
the Williemet; with the aid of the
morn ’tis nice to scorn the thought of
getting wet. And if J. Pluvius has it
rain, you simply let it drip, from
stopping J’s fun you must refrain, you
should worry-nit. ’Tis sweetest at
noon to watch the meon come crash
ing through the sky, or to stand on
the hills with your hair full of thrills
ind list to the moonbeams sigh. If
this doesn’t suit you, you know what
you can do—I am yours truly
Goodby.
* * *
The Sweetest Words.
The saddest words of tongue or pen
May be, perhaps, “It might have
been.”
The sweetest words we know, by
heck!
Are only these, “Inclosed find check!”
—Minne-Ha-Ha.
All Studes l)o.
"Do you prefer burlesque to drama?”
“Why, of chorus!”
—Yale Record.
* * *
Natural History Query
He—“What becomes of the cat’s
offspring ?”
She—-"This \vtis an off spring. There
weren’t any.”
—Columbia Jester.
* * *
Not Airy Enough.
Elderly gentleman (to librarian):
"I want some light reading.”
Fresh librarian—“Go down in the
cellar and read the gas meter.”
—Stanford Chaparral.
+ * *
Sherlock Again.
“How much money did he say he
had?"
“He didn’t say.”
“A-ha! Then he has untold wealth!”
—Pelican.
* * *
Never Behind.
Judge—“Did you ever see the pri
soner at the bar before?”
Witness—“Yes; that’s where I got
acquainted with him.”
—Minne-Ha-Ha.
* * *
Some Shape.
“Some shape, eh, what?”
“Yes, figuratively speaking.”
—Harvard Lampoon.
The “Light Brigade.”
Half a corps, half a corps,
Half a corps daily.
All from their ten o’clocks,
Wend their way daily.
Forward the “Light" Brigade!
Each light a match and say,
"Who’s got the pills today?”
The same corps daily.
Forward the Light Brigade!
Who is the man to stay?
Off of che campus gay,
The corps of smokers stray.
They’er not the ones that buy,
When e’er the pills come high;
Theirs but to smoke and sigh.
There to the whitewashed rail
Rush the corps daily.
On the campus nor’west of them,
'On the campus nor’east of them,
On the campus in front of them,
Smoke is forbidden.
So till the second befl
Boldly they smoke and well;
Many’s the yarn they tell,
Smoke rises thick as -.
We see the corps daily.
Each pulls his pockets out,
Looks at his Pal in doubt,
In sorrow—not gaily.
Then Obak, friend of all,
| Nably answers the call;
Still smoke the corps daily.
Long Planned Union to be Discussed
at Woman’s Council Meeting
Friday.
At the next regular meeting of the
Women’s Council Friday afternoon,
the subject of organizing a women’s
college union at Oregon will be con
sidered. Miss Harriet Thompson,
Doctor Mary Stuart, Mrs. E. S. Par
sons, and others will address the meet
ing on the subject.
The plan of the college union is to
bring all of the women of the Univer
sity under the head of this organiza
tion, that they may get better ac
quainted and also work together for
their mutual benefit. All social, ath
letic and other activities would come
under, and be controlled by the organ
ization.
Miss Guppy, Dean of Women, is ac
tively urging the inauguration of the
plan here. In speaking of the matter
she said: “The purpose of the college
union is to bring the women into closer
relations, in order to work for the
highest good in the University by
methods which will be decided upon
later.”
Such an organization is working
with marked success at the Univer
sities of Michigan, Minnesota, Wiscon
sin, Nebraska, California, and Wash
ington.
STUDENTS SHOW LACK OF
WIDE INFORMATION IN TEST
The students in Miss Perkins’ Eng
lish composition classes were recently
given a list of fifty prominent authors
and artists of the United States who
have been elected to the American
Academy of Arts and Letters. Out of
the sixty-four papers handed in, only
two gave the reasons for the selection
of twenty while one student whose
name was not divulged, recognized
only the two most prominent, Theo
dore Roosevelt and Woodrow Wilson.
Another mistook the name of F. Hop
kinson Smith for Gypsy Smith, the
great evangelist.
Miss Perkins in commenting on the
result, said: “The result shows that
college students generally, do not read
extensive enough. In examining the :
papers, I was much surprised to find
that the women of the classes were
better informed than the men.”
The American Academy corresponds
to the French “Immortals” and has (
been but recently organized. Mem
bership is only honorary.
Philip Ahern, winner of the McCook
trophy for the best, all-round athlete
at Trinity College, died recently from
injuries received in a football game
with Brown University while repre
senting Cornell.
0000000000000
o SPORTING SQUIBS o
o - 0
o By “Slivers.” o
ooooooooooooo
Whitman College has secured
“Tiny” Leonard of the Spokane In
dians to coach their baseball squad.
Leonard is one of the mainstay fling
ers of the Spokane team, and has a
good working knowledge of the game.
At O. A. C. about fifty men are
reporting to Coach Stewart for track
training, including all but one of last
year’s track squad, and a number of
interscholastic champions.
Stanford University defeated the
Olympic Club of San Francisco in a
dual track meet last week, by a score
of 81 to 50. F. S. Murry, of Stanford,
ran the low hurdles in 25 flat.
Coach Conibear of the University of
Washington has bright prospects for
a winning crew this year. The two
first crews broke the record in prac
tice, over the three-quarter-mile
course, clipping ten seconds from the
former record. The crew leaves next
week for the South, where they will
meet Stanford and the University of
California.
Jack McMahon, ex-Universi'ty of
Minnesota sprinter, has joined the
Multnomah track squad. He is credit
ed with 10 seconds in the 100-yard
dash and 22 1-5 seconds in the 220
yard, which makes him a valuable
man for Northwestern competitions
this season.
The University of Southern ^Cali
fornia defeated the University of Cali
fornia track squad Saturday, by a 67
to 55 score. Kelly, of U. S. S., tied
the American record for the high hur
dles, running the 120-yard distance in
15 1-5 seconds.
Although the hammer throw has
been barred from the Northwest con
ference track meets, Dr. Hall, track
coach at the University of Washing
ton, is trying to have it reintroduced
with certain restrictions. The great
fault with this event which led to its
abolition, was in the danger to specta
tors. It is claimed that this can be
overcome by changing the weight from
16 to 24 pounds and by shortening the
wire. Then instead of throwing the
iron ball 150 feet, it will be impossible
to hurl the sphere over 100 feet, and
will remove all danger of injury to the
watchers.
Coach Mather, of Kalamazoo Col
lege, Michigan, has devised a method
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of curing shy batters. The Eastern
trainer would fasten the inside foot of
every hitter to a slab at the plate by
neans of a ball and chain to prevent
“shying: at, pitched balls.” He claims
that embryo leag;uers covert and
pranoe around too much when a fast
ball comes close to their eyebrows. He
wishes his men to stand up to the
rubber and take a healthy swing: at
the sphere.
In April the graduate students in
forestry at the University of Ne
braska, together with Professor
Morrril, head of the forestry depart
ment, will make an extensive trip
through the pinery of north central
Louisiana, where the students will
study the management of this region
in order to complete their theses for
their master’s degree.
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