Column Writing Loneliest
Job, Claims Man Who Knows
By HAL BOYLE
NEW YORK. I. l This U
the sixth anniversary of my en
tiance into prison.
It it a hoosegow of the mind
the business of writing a daily
newspaper column. The lilghwalls
and iron ban of thii mental peni
tentiary donlt show. But they are
there in the conviot'i brain
growing higher and stronger with
the yean. ,
Writing a newspaper column it
one of the oddett occupation! in
our tcrewball civilization. To be
come a lawyer, a doctor, or an un
dertaker you have to go to school.
But there it no college for colum
nist! anymore than there it for
astrologera.
There it no test, no standard of
qualification, no training for thii
bizarre business.
Careers Varisd
Drew Pearson started as a di
plomatic reporter. Walter Win
chell began in vaudeville, Dewitt
MacKenzie was a foreign corre
spondent. Westbrook Pegler and
Bob Ruark were sports writers.
Eleanor Roosevelt was a mother
and magazine editor. Billy Rose a
showman and song writer. Will
Rogers, Bob Hope and Milton
Berle turned to columning after
successful careers as comedians.
Margaret Chase Smith, a V. S.
senator from Maine, now writes a
column. So do a number of con
gressmen. To be a columnist it isn't neces
: tary to be able either to think
or to write. You can hire ghosts
to do those chores for you.
But if you do it yourself it is
hard work, and the loneliest in
dustry on earth. For brain chil
dren have only on parent the
frontal lobe.
Ne Glamor
Some people have the idea that
writing a daily column is a
glamorous career, and a leadplpe
cinch. But those who have done it
know better. The Tate Don Mar
quis called it "digging a daily
grave." Asked if he found his task
difficult, Red Smith, celebrated
sports columnist of the New York
Herald Tribune, said:
"No, you Just sit down at your
typewriter, open your veins and
bleed."
How do you get a Job writing a
column T Some people ask for it
and it Just happens to others.
It just happened to me.
In 1943 the Associated Press
decided it wanted a warfront
column about the troops. It asked
one reporter to do it, and this
wise man said, "No, thanks."
Someone then happened to recall
I was in Sicily. And a message
came: "Boyle, start writing a
column." I did. Although the war
ended four years ago no one
thought to revoke the order. So I
am still at it. That is a funny
thing about columns and comic
strips. They go on forever like
Tarzan of the apes. t
m
Autumn days.
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Dont Take (sir Seriously
The danger in columning If
that it is likely to give a man the
idea he is an expert on everything
from cattle breeding to flagpole
sitting. Its occupational hazards
are chair sores and punditry. A
little baby oil in the right spot
will heal the chair sores, but
there is no cure except death for
the columnist who acquires the
disease of taking himself too se
riously. Columnists, like presidents, get
manv letters and small gifts from
the people. If they write that they
like black cherries, someone is
sure to send them a box. But if
they mention they are fond of
sea breezes, no one ever airmails
them a yacht.
But it't the sentiment that
counts. So, even though my hair
is fast vanishing. I am grateful
for the fellow who sent me a bot
tle of beer shampoo. It tasted
fine, and my goddaughter thought
it was cute the way I burped
soap bubbles for three days.
And right now I want to thank
the reader who mailed me a glass
i eye recently.
i It was Just my color reddish
blue.
Marsha! Tito
Hurls Defiance
At Russian Bear
By ALEX H. SINGLETON
BELGRADE. Yugoslavia. Sept.
13. (.P Premier Marshal Tito
flung new defiance into the teeth
of the Russian Bear Monday.
Yugoslavia, he declared, "steel
ed by tremendous experiences" in
World War II, is ready to over
come any present troubles as it
did its past ones.
The premier, prime target of
Moscow and Cominform as a
heretic from Marxism, addressed
a group of engineers and work
ers from a motor factory.
' They came to Belgrade to
show him three new types of
tractors they developed in the
country's industrialization cam
paign the very campaign which
so irks Moscow.
Tito has refused to how to Mos
cow's orders to concentrate on
an agrarian economy, Just at he
refused to heed Moscow's orders
to step of collectivization of
farms. His thus far successful
rebellion against Moscow dom
ination in these and other aspects
now shows signs of being copied
in other Communist countries.
In his brief talk, Tito told the
group their efforts provided the
best answer to foreign "inven
tions and lies" about socialist
development in Yugoslavia. The
account was carried by the com
munist newspaper Borba.
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Tuet., Sept. 13, 1949 The
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Exciting cut-prices iiki these,
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REG. 36.95 INNERSPRING MATTRESS M
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24c t 25c TINWARE
YOUR CHOICE in
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SWEATSHIRT
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154
Full athletic cut, for sports,
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1.08 "SUPER" FLAT
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