THE DALLES WEEKLY CHRONICLE, WEDNESDAY. MARCH 31. 1897.
The Weekly Gtoniele.
tBI DAX.I.XS, . .
OflBGON
PERSONAL MKSTIOK.
Saturday'! Dally.
Mr. E. C. Pease left yesterday after
noon on a short visit to Ban Francisco.
the taste of the gourmand whose ideal of
DafarVfemaJe honeyed lascionsneea is
aroased at 'the semblance o' a ginger
snap; my fancy rather craves ome un
discovered ambrosial delicacy, whose in
vention awaits the birth of some fntnre
Edison of epicures. Your informant is
still farther .unhappy in his conceits
when his fancy tells him that one capa
ble of being encircled with fishing rod
cases as substitutes for pants, hails from
among the -sweet sixteen of .Dufur; no
each lingerie, if rumor can be .relied on
. Mr. P. Loy and Hans Lage were up
from Hood River last night, returning
on the boat tnis morning. -
A. J. Priday and Willis Brown came baa ever done flag doty on the cloth es
in froin Cross Keys yesterday with a HlM0f Doinr on washday, while the
couple of carloads orcattle lor shipment . . , i, -r,; j
toTroutdale - playful aepbyrs from Tygh Kidge vainly
Monday's Daily.
Mr. C. J. Van Duyn of Tygb is in the
city today.
Governor Moody arrived from Salem
Jast night.
Attornev W. B. Presby came over
from Goldendale today.
Hon. W. H. Holmes of Salem is in the
city looking after law matters.
Mr. J. F. Hampshire returned yester
day from a short visit in Portland.
Mr. Frank Aldrich, the wheat buyer
arrived from Goldendale at noon today
Miss Nellie Butler came op from Port
land Friday night, returning this morn
ing.
Mr. F. S. Boots came from Port
land last night, and will spend a few
days in the city.
The little son of Mr. J. A. White, who
lives near the garrison, is dangerously
ill with spinal meningitis.
Messrs. Lytle, liiegs and Mnrcbie
came down trom Biggs this morning,
where tbey bad been to see the survey
ors begin work on the Columbia Sooth
ern railroad.
Tuesday' Daily.
' Mr. J. M. Shelley is ia the city.
Mies Cora B. Hays arrived from Eu
gene last night.
Mr. Joseph Sherar came in from the
Deschutes last night.
Dr. F. C. Brosius of Hood Eiver was
in the city last night.
W. S. Gearv. the piano tuner, arrived
last night, and will be here for several
days.
Mr. Frank Lee, of the Pacific Farmer,
passed through the city today on bis
way to his Klickitat ranch.
J. R. Rankin, proprietor of the Hood
River-White Salmon -ferry, and A. H,
Jewett, of the White Salmon nursery,
are in the city.
attempt to solve the problem of serial
navigation by inventing bifurcated bal
loons.
Though Cissy wishes she had the abil
ity, yet she will never essay the counter
feit presentment you so jnstly resent;
i no, not even if -the lost arms were re
stored to the celebrated Btatue of Venus
de Mllo to furnish the desired, and, to
my notion, Inadequate model. Before J
would be so. bold as to attempt to act sb
your prototype I should learn 4
"To gild refined gold, to paint the lily,
To throw a perfume on the violet
To smooth the ice, or add another hue
STJnto the rainbow''
an impossible task. "Fools rush in
where angels fear to tread."
Thouzh I do not know who iniormed
you that I came from Dufur, yet I Bug
geet that you take one of the matches
above mentioned, split the same into
quarters, shave them as thin as the fibres
'ill allow, submit the ginger snap to
hydraulic pressure, insert the quartered
match for lege, then resolute on the res
idue. await the result. Which Nemo
tenntnr divinare.
Tours, more binned against than sin
ning, . UISSY OIDEWAY8.
BUT A SINGLE THOUGHT.
..rr -
EtrB CREAM BALM Is a. positive enre.
Apply into the nostrils. It is quickly absorbed. 60
cents at Drncgista or by mail ; samples 10c by man.
ELY BROTHERS. M Warren St.. New York City.
MADE SECURE BY WATER.
In The
to the wile of E
BORN.
Dalles. Monday, March 29th,
In
F. Sharp, a eon.
this city, Mondav. March 29th, to
the wife of James P. Benton, a eon.
Cissy Sideways Demon
To thi Committee of Thirteen Indignant
Damsels:
As I was not credited on the posters or
programs of our late minstrel show with
the honor of living in Dufur, nor did I
make any ench pretensions, being too
modest to assume a virtue when I bad it
not, I am at a loss to know the one whose
fertile imagination located me in your
city. Perhaps be is someone insanely
enamored with my irresistible, bewitch
ing loveliness, and seeks to win me with
extravagant adulation, fancying no more
fitting abode for such a cynosure of
beauty. On the other hand, he may be
some rejected, disappointed, love-sick
swain, whose affections some member of
your "sweet sixteen" did not recipro
cate, and feeling for- the first time the
pangs of "despis'd love," vowing the
melodramatic revenge of the rejected
suitor in "Calamity' Jane," be doubtless
thought it sufficient revenge for his in
lured feelings and nnreqmted love to
place my domicile in your city. . "Cissy
Sideways," so well pictured in yonr
"whereas," suggests to bis mind a Dufur
damsel ! -Alas for his poetic fancy ! "A
long, lanky individual with a mouth like
15-mile creek and a foot like the foot of
Mt. Hood," brings to bis disordered
brain visions of a maiden from your num
ber! What a perverted taste, hideous
nightmare and distorted imagination!
My fancy, to be thus aroused, demands
eight of one of whom Burke said : "Sure
ly never lighted on this orb, which she
hardly seemed to touch, a more delight
fnl vision." Long and lanky? . No; the
-maiden from Dufur. no matter what
your size is, is just tall enough to reach
your heart; and her month, with lips
distilling nectar, resembling 15-mile
creek, only as possessing a voice of ex
quisite music attuned to the limpid purl
ings of this stream in its mellifluent
meanderings. "A foot like the foot of
Mt. Hood" suggests to his imagina
tion that Cissy is from Dufur ; if he re
gards the snowy whiteness of its ermine
Bumo Outdone and Juliet a Back Num
ber, for Xhese Outclassed Them.
"All the world loves a lover," says the
poet, and if this be true, all the world
must have gone mashed last night
had it been at the Umatilla House
when tbe Portland train came in, for
there was a love scene, unassisted by
surroundings and, without shrubbery
and balconies, that would make Juliet
seem commonplace and Romeo tame.
There was a lavisbness of expression, a
warmth of greetiug, a fervor of embrac
ing, a clinging of lip to lip, a rapture of
soul-drinking eyes, and a free-for-all
six-day-go-as-yon-pleaae mixture of
bat full of flowers and a vest full of feel
ing, moustache and smooth lips, en
twining arms, and all that sort of thing,
that made the wickedly, worldly smile
audibly at tbe impromptu love Bcene,
He had been waiting impatient as
caged coyote all day the coming of the
light jo f his life, and she had counted the
telegraph poles and minutes as the train
bore her too slowly throught the Will
amette valley from her borne in that fa
Southern Oregon np to. this city of her
destiny where, her Prince Charming
awaited so impatiently her comiDg.
As tbe train pulled in he was there
and at tbe window was ber face, sur
mounted by a veritable flower garde
peering anxiouslv forth. Before the
train stopped be caught sight of that
face and in a moment tbe smile that
irradiated her countenance ehowed that
their eyes bad met. She disappeared
from tbe window and in another in
stant sue was in bis arms, there was an
inarticulate series of gurgles, a sound or
two like the last expiring exhaust of
bath tub and mingling with these sounds
of bliss were words of endearment that
were worth their weight in diamonds.
W e could not hear what she said, for
her voice was stilled and only her eyes
and movements spoke. Bat he wailed
forth, "And did you think I wouldn't be
here to meet you, gol darn it?" Then
came a kiss, a hog, another kiss, more
hugs, then some expiring strains of
bliss, and then be broke forth again
And so yon got my telegram. Gol
durn it I couldn't wait until voir got
here." More kisseB, . more ' hugs, etc,
This was kept up for fully five minutes
until Glendening swung bis lantern
yelled break away and the train pulled
out. Then tbey, arm in . arm,. sought
the hospitable refuge of the Umatilla
House, the curtain going np in tha
eerond act in the parlor, where another
love scene was enacted.
But why further lift the curtain on
this tender little episode, wbv tell of
bow tbey embraced in the dlninir room
at .breakfast time, and ate out of tbe
same dishes, why well why?
Interrupted by Hostilities.
Athens, March 29. A dispatch from
covering, he may be right in thns recall- Retimo, Crete, says British .and Bus
ing your "Trilbies." Since your com- 81ftn officers, with a strong detachment
inittee in your "whereas" wbereased ' marines, arrived there today to notify
that one without a moustache, and as tbe insurgents of the decision of the
cairlees as the ordinary door knob is
disqualified from properly assuming to
be of your number,, should it ever be in-
-cumoenc upon me to portray by proxy
any one of yobr committee, I shall not
neglect to cultivate the proper hirsute
appendages and change my facial orifice
from the state of a hairless door knob to
that of a bristling cocoanut. Whoever
informed vou that I hailed from Dufur
also permitted bis imagination to eng-
geet that a ''body and legs liko two
matches stuck in a ginger snap," be
longed to some of yonr number. Snch a
conception could not have arisen in his
mind unless, fired by tbe "green-eyed
monster," he had found that what he
had considered in his inamorata to be
the personification of etherial beauty and
celestial bliss, was only the incarnation
of snap, ginger and brimstone. Sordid
powers to grant autonomy to the island,
W hue the officers were parleying with
the insurgent chief nnder a flag of truce
hostilities between Turks and Christiana
in the town reopened and the detach
ment retired.
This Is Yonr Opportunity.
On receipt of ten cents, cash or stamps.
a generous sample will be mailed of the
most popular Catarrh and Hav Fever Cure
ijuv's cream jBalm) sufficient to demon.
strata the great merits of the remedy. '
jcUjX BKOTHEES,
66 Warren St, New York City.
Sev. JohnBeid, Jr.. of Great Falls. Mont.
recommended Ely's Cream Balm to me. I
can emphasize his statement, "It is a posi
tive cure for catarrh if nsed as directed. "
Bev. Francis W. Poole. Pastor Central Pre.
Church, Helena, Mont
Ely's Cream Balm ia the acknowledged
cure for catarrh and contains no mercury
nor any injurious drug. Price, 60 cents.
Prison Cells Rendered Impregnable
Against All Attempts to Escape.
There is on exhibition in Boston a
model of a cell for prisoners from
which a criminal would find it practi
cally impossible to attempt to escape
without riving an alarm that would
bring a guard rushing' up to his door
before either the lock or. the door or
the steel tubes of which the cell is com
posed were broken or even cracked,
avs the Philadelphia News. The pro-:
tection is not afforded primarily by elec
tricity, although electricity plays
part in the device. The chief protec
tive agent ia water, whieh fills every
length and every joint in the .steel
lubes forming the entire cell. The wa
ter is maintained, in the tubes at a cer
tain pressure, indicated on a gauge
in the watchman's room, and the
slightest decrease in pressure
this .water, such as would be made
by the cracking of a tube so that no
more than a cubic inch of water could
escape, would release- the pointer on
the gauge, allowing it to turn slightly
and thus make an electric connection
with an electric bell. The bell then
rings continuously until the circuit is
broken bv the watchman. Atthe same
time that the bell rings, on an annunci
ator above is shown the number of
the cell where the water is escaping
from the tube.
Unlike modern cells that are made
with solid steel bars, the floors and ceil
ing do not have to be made of steel
plates, through which the criminal can
often cut his way or on which his move
ments in the cell keep up a continuous
noise suincient- to mane me oeiiroom
too noisy for 'the watchman to hear
the slight sound of a saw or an auger
in a particular cell. This new cell is
cage, rne sides, noor, ceiling ana aoor
are all made of steel tubes, set so closely
together that they could not be sprung
apart to any advantage. Even -the
liinges and the bolts of .the door are
filled with water, always ready to give
t he alarm if its pressure is changed in
the slightest degree, yet inclosed in
such a manner that the prisoner can
not make any attempt to break or cut
his way out of the cell without chang-
ing the pressure. St. Ixuis .Republic.
Ken York
weekly Tribune
FOB
Far ms and Villagers,
FOB '
Fathers and Mothers. .
FOB
Sons and Daughters,
FOB .
All the Family.
FACTS IN FEW WORDS.
Venice is built on eighty island's.
The uexplored area of Canada
over one million square miles.
Mbs. Eva Blackman, who is a mem
ber of the police board of Leaven.
worth, Kan., recently removed two po
licemen because they were, bachelors,
and appointed married men in their
nlappa. One of the appointees is her
husband.
The diamond is not among the ear
liest gems known to man. It has not
been found in the ruins of Nineveh, in
the Etruscan sepulchers nor in the
tombs of the Phoenicians.
A E Resent of a hundred repeating
rifles and eight thousand cartridges
has just been made by the Austrian
ministry of war to -the Freeland' asso
ciation, which has started a socialist
colony in Africa to preach and practice
the brotherhood of man.
There are in Austria 290,000 persons
receiving state aid.
Berlin; charity hospitals receive an
annual subsidy of $350,000.
The cutting of the Kohinoor occu
pied thirty-eight days with steam pow
er and cost . $40,000. rne Kegent i
quired two years and cost $25,000.
In India 25,000,000 acres are made
fruitful by irrigation. In Egypt there
are about 6,000,000 acres, and in Europe
about 5,000,000. The United States has
about 4,000,000 acres of irrigated lands.
NEWSPAPER WAIFS.
I know of several Afro-Americans
wot don't keer fo' fried chicken but
dey have -.bin daid a long time. Puck.
When some men lose their tempers it
would be well for them if they never
found them, again. Philadelphia
' "Now Mary, stand up and tell the
school what causes an apple to fall to
tne ground." .
"Worm bit," was the quick but un
expected reply.
Mr. Spinks "Well, Willie, has your
sister made up her mmd to go to the
concert with- me?" Willie "Yep,
She's made up her mind and she's rnak-
m' up ber face now., bhe 11 be down in
a minute." Great Divide. .
Lady of the Hocse "Why in the
world don't you take a bath, man?
Cleanliness is next- to godliness, you
know." Bagged William "I cultivate
no second-class virtue, xnaaam." x it-
Bits. -
Rabies What you put around a dog's
nose to prevent his biting.
Zenith (1) A quadruped living in
the interior of Africa. (2V A kind of
wind. ' ' '
Mr. Pom Pus "Sir, I had kings
among my ancestors." Air. ro Ker
Well, I would rather have aces." N.
'. Press. .
The Dalles Trading Co., corner of 3d
and Federal streets, will pay tbe highest
cash price for second-band poods.
m24-tf C. D. Fleming, Agent.
Bulk pickles, Limburgcr cheese, Swiss
cheese and creamery butter at Maier &
Benton's. m27-lw
- With the close of the Presidential Campaign THE TRIBUNE recognizes ths
fact that the American people are now anxious. to give their attention to home and
business interests. To meet this condition, politics will have far less epace and
prominence, until another State or National occasion demands a renewal of the
light for tbe principle for which THE TRIBUNE has labored from its inception
to the preeent day, and won its greatest victories.
make THE
interesting.
instructive, entertaining ana lnaispensaoie to eacn tnemoer ot tne family,
EverV possible fffort will be put forth, and money freely spent, to,t
WEEKLY TRIBUNE pre-eminently a National Family Newspaper, i
We furnish "The Chronicle" and N. Y. "Weekly Trib
une one year for only $1.75.
Write your name and address on a postal card, send it to Geo. W. Best.
Tribune Office. New York City, an! a sample copy of The New York Weekly Trib
une will be mulled to you. 1
The
Dalles
leal Estate
IS DAILY RECEIVING INQUIRIES FROM
Exchange
Prospective : Immigrants
From every part of the United States concerning the
Resources, Products, Prices, Etc.
I3V XVSOO COUNTY.
AH persons desiring to Bell or rent farms or city nropertv will find it ereatlv to
their advantage to call on or write at once to any one of the undersigned members
of the. Exchange,-giving full particulars, terms, etc. -
T. A. HUDSON,
G. W. ROWLAND,
C. E. BAYARD,
J. G. KIOONTZ & CO.,
J. M. HUNTINGTON & CO.
THE DALLES,
OREGON.
m Id) i -
JrLloiAio Hio
BHSnri
' ' GIVES THE
Choice of Transcontinental Routes
-VIA-
Spokane
Minneapolis
St. Paul
Denver
Omaha
Kansas City
Low Rates to all Eastern Cities
OCEAN
8IBAHKRH Lnn Portland
Kverr Five Day for
SAN FRANCISCO, CAL.
Tor full details call on O.
Tha Dalles, or address
W, H.
K Jk Co. s Agent
HTJRLBURT, Gen. Pass. Agt
roruana, Oregon
E. M'NErLL President and Hana er -
New Schedule.
- Train No. 1 arrives at The Dalles 4 :45
a. m., and leaves 4 :50 a. m.
Train No. 2 arrives at The Dalles 10 :15
p. m., and leaves 10:20 p. m.
Train No. 8 arrives at The Dalles 1 1 :55
p. m., and west-bound train No. 7 leaves
at 1 p. m. .
Train 23 and 24 will carry passengers
between The Dalles and Umatilla, leav
ing The Dalles at 1 p. m. daily and ar
riving at Tbe Dalles lp. m. daily, con
necting with train Nob. 8 and 7frorr.
Portland. E. E. Lytle, ; 1
, Agent.
111
SCAB. TICKSprLICE
THE WORLD
RENOWN CD
M
Bond Issue of $20,000.
School district No. 12. of Wasco countr. Ore-
eon (beinir the district in which Dalles Citv Is
located) will issue twenty coupon bonds of the
par value of one thousand dollars each, bearing
interest at the rate of six per cent per annum,
interest parable semi-annually; said bonds be
ing redeemable at the pleasure of said district
after ten years from their date, but due and pay
able absolutely twenty years from date. Princi
pal and interest payable at the office of the
treasurer of Wasco County, Or., or at such place
as may be designated .in the city and state of
New York, at the option of the purchaser. The
board of directors of said district are lawfully
authorized to issue said bonds in accordance
with the provisions ot an act of the Legislative
Assembly of the State of Oregon filed in the
office of tbe Secretary of State Feb. 22, 1893, and
providing, among other things, for the issuing
of bonds by school districts.
In compliance with the terms of said act. I. as
Treasurer of said county, will receive sealed bids
lor saia oonas at my omce, m uuiies jity afore
said, until 1 o'clock p. m. on the 15th day of
May, 1897. All bids must be accompanied by a
certified check of five per cent of the amount of
bonds for whicb the bid is made. No bids for
less than par will be considered. The buyer to
furnish blank bonds to be executed by tbe dis
trict Tbe right to reject any and all bids is
reserved.
Dated at Dalles City, Wacco County. Oregon,
this 29th day of March, 1S97.
C. L. PHILLIPS,
31-4W-1 Treasurer of Wasco County, Or.
AN UNCOMFORTABLE MAN.
and
Supplied to United States and British Governments. . It has
no superior.. Best Dip for the Wool. Sold by PEASE &
MATS, The Dalles, Oregon.
Wholesale
jVIflliT MQUOftS,
CClines and Cigars.
THE CELEBRATED
ANHEUSER-BUSCH and
HOP GOLD BEER
on draught
and In Dottles.
Anheuser-Buscli Malt Nn trine, a non-alcoholic
beverage; tinequaled as a tonic.
STUBLING & WILLIAMS.
-s.
Northern Grown Seeds.'
Freeh Garden and Grass Seeds in Bulk,
Seed Wheat, Seed Rye, Seed Oats.
Seed Barley, Seed Corn, Flax Seed.
Alfalfa Seed, Timothv Seed.
Red Clover Seed, Millet Seed.
Crimson Clover Seed, Bine Grass Seed
White Clover Seed, Orchard Grass Seed,
Bee Supplies. Fertilizers, Oil Meal Cake,
Hay. Grain, Feed and Groceries.
Early Rose Potatoes-.
Poultry and Eggs bought and sold at
H. GROSS' Feed and Grocery Store.
Goods Sold at Bedrock Prices for Cash.
Store open from 7 a. m. to 9 p. m.
SEEDS
Lumber, Building Material and Boxes
Traded for TTaxr fi-rain "Rprwn T.qWI Xr.c
ROWE & CO..
The Dalles, Or
Job Printing at This Office.
Hundreds Witness His Writhing;.
- ghow No Pity.
On a narrow platform, close to the
glass roof of Hammerstein's Olympia
roof garden, may nightly be seen, says
the w York Herald, oneof the most un
comfortable men in New York. He is
the man who operates the calcium
lights which play npon the stage. He
has barely room to stand up, so he
kneels most of the time and stares at the
stage before him.
Below are persons trying to look so
coo and comfortable that the sight of
them must be a perpetual aggravation.
Tbey sit and laugh end talk, and take
no notice of the uncomfortable fellow ,
perched high aloft and yet in full view.
He is there for four hours every night. '
Be shifts about and occasionally stands '
up in his endeavor to get the kinks out
of his legs. .He. sits, kneels end .some
times leans back against the big iron
girder behind him. He sees the show
over and over again. He listens to the
endless splash of the water on the crys
tal roof and sees the same little come
dies nightly enacted around the round
tables beneath.
Sometimes a sign of human interest
is shown in a bending forward as some .
woman with a more towering hat than
usual, or a boy with a more resplendent
hat bend than common parades through
the garden. . -
SMALL PROFIT IN CIGARS, i
Dealers Complain That They Make Very
Little Money. -
'There is not a large percentage of
profit' in cigars," said D. B. Talbert, oi
Baltimore, a cigar salesman, at tne
Metropolitan, to a Washington Star re
porter. "And there is probably no line
of goods in which customers swindle
the dealers with so little compunction
of conscience'. There are 50 cigars in
n box of ordinary goods, but the dealer
seldom gets paid for 50, even though
he credits none end gives none away.
'A man buys a Cigar, taking it out of
the box with his thumb and forefinger,
at the same time closing his other fin
gers over another which rests in the
palm of his hands. He gives the dealer
a dime and. almost invariably receives a
nickel in change. Or he may buy a quar
ter's worth and gets on too many in
the same way. This has caused some
dealers to ask how many are wanted
and to give out just what are called
for, but it is doubtful if this is wise, a
customer likes to help himself, and
goes where he can do so." .
I
Didn't Fay to Be Fanny.
M! Cleif tie, prefect of the department
of the Bouchcs du Rhone, has jast lost
his place for trying to be funny official. ;
ly. At a meeting in Marseilles the :
mayor of the city, who is a socialist,
made a speech in which he declared that
no one in Marseilles could have any con
fidence ia theMeline ministry. The pre
feet in answer said that he was pro
foundly touched by this evidence oi
respect for the ministry.