A Surprised Ventriloquist.
What D oes the
“T he biggest su rp rise 1 ever got In
my business.” said a ventriloquist,
“w as In E ngland w hen playing a t a
little th e a te r in th e o u tsk irts o f Eon-
don.
‘ W hen I cam e on th e sta g e I th rew
m y voice up In the ra fte rs and Inquired
•W hat a re you doing up th e re f To
m y su rp rise a sm all voice answ ered.
‘I cam e here to see th e people and b ear
th e m u sic / 'V ery w e ll/ said 1; 'stay
th ere a n d don'* let any one see you.’ ”
T hen 1 bowed to the audience am id
thunderous applause.—Colum bus Dis
patch.
S a la ry B ag
Hold
forYOU?
Competent.
O arslde—W om en ought not to I* al
lowed to vote. Could a w om an sit on
a Jury? n illsld e Could she! .1 wo
m an like m y w ife could s it on the
Ju ry a n d th e Judge and the law yers
and th e whole d e p artm e n t o f Justice
If she took the notion. N ew ark News.
T. L. Perkins
He Would Indeed.
"W h at’s th is word, pa?” asked W il
de, pointing it out In Ids book.
“ Phenom enon.” replied pa.
“ W ell, w h at is th a t? ”
“T h at, my son. Is e x a c tly w hat you
would he If you never disturbed your
fa th e r w ith
questions.” — Catholic
H taudard uml Times.
Republican C andidate for
S t a te S e n a to r
Dr. Perkins is a Spanish w ar veteran,
serving in B attery A, Oregon L ight
A rtillery. Strong suporter of the in
itia tiv e and referendum , including
Statem ent No. 1, the recall and all laws
tending to place the Governm ent in the
hands of the people. Believes in ex
em pting $300 worth of household goods
from taxation, strict law s regarding the
sale of firearms and appointm ent of
special grand juries by the circuit court. ,
Stands for all th a t pertains to a •
: i G reater O regon” .
Of Course-
Torn—I told her fa th e r th a t I ex-
per’ted to Inherit several pieces of fine
property, n ic k —W hat did he say?
Tom —H e said th a t deeds speak louder
th an w ords.—Philadelphia T elegraph.
Artistic.
"D id you find th e play to he as a r
tistic ns It had been reported to be?"
“Yes. It w a s about th e d ullest th re e
hours I ev er lived th rongb.” —Chicago
Record-H erald.
E very m an has his chance; nay, every
m an has his certainty. I f he does well,
he will be honored »nd aided.—John
R askin.
Richard Vivian in “ Mrs. Wiggs of the Cabbage Patch” at the
Baker Theatre All Next Week.
Wanted His Money Back.
A young m an had taken his w ife to a
show, and as there w as no one to look
a fte r th e baby they had brought it
along. It cried lustily all through the
first act. A t the close of the a ct an
usher cam e dow n th e aisle and In
form ed them th a t If they could not
keep th e baby q uiet they w ould have
to go to the box office, g et th e ir money
back a n d go out.
T hey succeeded in squelching the
baby, and all w ent well for a tim e.
T hen, five m inutes a fte r th e last
act had com m enced, th e young fa th e r
leaned over and said, “ How do you like
the show ?”
"R otten!” w as th e reply.
H e w as silent for a m om ent, and
then, leaning over again, he w hispered:
“Stick a pin in th e baby.”—E very
body’s.
* Street and No.-
to d a y-
City______________ S ta tt.
K. P. HALL, R epresentative, 233 Alder S t
Portland, Oregon.
SELECT DANCING PARTY.
Near A rt Note.
“ By George, old chap, w hen I look
a t one o f your p a in tin g s I sta n d and
w onder”—
“ H ow I do It?”
“No; why you do it.”—Chicago T rib
une.
Diplomatic.
Yes, th a t is a personal question, a
very personal question—one th a t affects
your whole life; a n d yet you would
thank us for asking it if you knew w hat
an im m ense pow er for betterm ent we
could be to you and y our salary.
T o draw a sm all salary m onth after m onth, year a fte r year, is your ow n
fault. It is p u re negligence a n d n o thing else, for there is a n institution
th a t Is ever read y to enable you to rise to th e highest, best p ay in g posi
tions in the profession of y our choice—no m atter how p oor y o u r circu m
stances m ay be, how old or how young you a re, no m a tte r w here you
live. A nd to prove this the I. C. S. points to h u n d red s of thou san d s of
o ther m en w ho have secured advancem ent a n d success th ro u g h the I. C. S.
plan; to h u n d red s of others in worse circum stances th a n you a re, whose
stories of advancem ent read like rom ance; to a grow th from a m ere idea
w ith one Course of Instru ctio n to one of the largest educational in stitu
tions in existence with 208 C ourses of In stru ctio n , backed by a capital of
six million dollars, a n d a total enrolm ent far in excess of a n y o th er col
lege—a grow th m ade possible only a s the result of success in its business
—and the business o f this place is to raise salaries.
»
W ithout doubt this plan is the m ost practical, the quickest, easiest,
and cheapest way in the w orld for YOU to secure a b e tte r position
and increased earnings. It puts
you un d er no obligation w hatever -
International Corresnondence Schools
to send us th is coupon and allow
P lease explain, without further obligation on my part,
our experts to explain our system
ho w 1 c a n q u a li fy for a l a r g e r s a la r y a n d a d v a n c e m e n t
t o t h e p o s i t i o n b e f o r e w h i c h 1 h a v e m a r k e d X.
of instruction, and a d ap t a C ourse
Ad W r i t e r
A r c h i t e c t D r af ts m an
to your personal needs.
S ho w -C ar d W r i t e r
S tr u c t u r a l E ng in ee r
W in do w Tr i m m er
S tr u c t u r a l Dr af ts m an
Do you really w ant to earn
C o n tr a c to r & Builder
Civil S erv ice B u m s .
Fo reman P lu m be r
O r n a m e n t a l D e s ig ne r
m ore salary? W ould you like the
Civil E ngi nee r
Mechanical Engi nee r
R. R. C on . E n g i n e e r
Mechanical Draft s.
salary b a g to yield you more each
S ur v ey o r
Fo rem an Mac hin is t
El ectrical E ng in ee r
Mi nin g E ngi nee r
week or m onth? T hen m ake a
Electrician
C he m is t
Bookkeeper
Po we r- St ati o n S upt .
definite a tte m p t to brin g this
Ste n og ra p he r
Ar chitect
about by sending in this coupon.
T om orrow never comes. Do it , .Yum.
Louise Carver at the Empress.
The Up-to-Now Club will give
its dancing party at the New
Royal Academy Hall, located in
Manchester building, 85J Fifth
street, Tuesday evening, April
0th.
It will be the aim of the organi
zation to hold a weekly dance ev
ery Tuesday evening.
The hall is newly fitted up and
is considered the best-ventilated
and most modern ballroom in the
city. Further information can bo
had by calling up Mr. C. W.
Ilaugsten, East 6323.
KRYPTOK
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Let us show you w ith w h at
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new p rin cip al h a 3 been applied
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«
"H o w did you g et y our w ife to fore-
<o her desire for th a t expensive even
ing gow n?”
“Told her it w as Ju st th e th in g a
plain wom an needed.” —Judge.
Customer's Name Is Pock.
R a rb er—You a re losing your h air
very fa st. sir. Are you doing a n y th in g
to snve it? C ustom er—Yea; I'm g et
tin g a divorce —Boston T ra n s c rip t
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“ REBECCA OF SUNNYBROOK FARM AT HEILIG THEATRE. WEEK APRIL 7.
The Faster week attraction at the Heilig Theatre. Seventh and Taylor streets, for seven nights, be
g in n in g S u n d a y , April 7, with matinees Wednesday and Saturday, will be Klaw k Erlanger’a magnificent
p r o d u c t i o n of the beautiful dramatic success, “ Rebecca of Snnnybrook Farm.”