A Surprised Ventriloquist. What D oes the “T he biggest su rp rise 1 ever got In my business.” said a ventriloquist, “w as In E ngland w hen playing a t a little th e a te r in th e o u tsk irts o f Eon- don. ‘ W hen I cam e on th e sta g e I th rew m y voice up In the ra fte rs and Inquired •W hat a re you doing up th e re f To m y su rp rise a sm all voice answ ered. ‘I cam e here to see th e people and b ear th e m u sic / 'V ery w e ll/ said 1; 'stay th ere a n d don'* let any one see you.’ ” T hen 1 bowed to the audience am id thunderous applause.—Colum bus Dis patch. S a la ry B ag Hold forYOU? Competent. O arslde—W om en ought not to I* al lowed to vote. Could a w om an sit on a Jury? n illsld e Could she! .1 wo m an like m y w ife could s it on the Ju ry a n d th e Judge and the law yers and th e whole d e p artm e n t o f Justice If she took the notion. N ew ark News. T. L. Perkins He Would Indeed. "W h at’s th is word, pa?” asked W il de, pointing it out In Ids book. “ Phenom enon.” replied pa. “ W ell, w h at is th a t? ” “T h at, my son. Is e x a c tly w hat you would he If you never disturbed your fa th e r w ith questions.” — Catholic H taudard uml Times. Republican C andidate for S t a te S e n a to r Dr. Perkins is a Spanish w ar veteran, serving in B attery A, Oregon L ight A rtillery. Strong suporter of the in itia tiv e and referendum , including Statem ent No. 1, the recall and all laws tending to place the Governm ent in the hands of the people. Believes in ex em pting $300 worth of household goods from taxation, strict law s regarding the sale of firearms and appointm ent of special grand juries by the circuit court. , Stands for all th a t pertains to a • : i G reater O regon” . Of Course- Torn—I told her fa th e r th a t I ex- per’ted to Inherit several pieces of fine property, n ic k —W hat did he say? Tom —H e said th a t deeds speak louder th an w ords.—Philadelphia T elegraph. Artistic. "D id you find th e play to he as a r tistic ns It had been reported to be?" “Yes. It w a s about th e d ullest th re e hours I ev er lived th rongb.” —Chicago Record-H erald. E very m an has his chance; nay, every m an has his certainty. I f he does well, he will be honored »nd aided.—John R askin. Richard Vivian in “ Mrs. Wiggs of the Cabbage Patch” at the Baker Theatre All Next Week. Wanted His Money Back. A young m an had taken his w ife to a show, and as there w as no one to look a fte r th e baby they had brought it along. It cried lustily all through the first act. A t the close of the a ct an usher cam e dow n th e aisle and In form ed them th a t If they could not keep th e baby q uiet they w ould have to go to the box office, g et th e ir money back a n d go out. T hey succeeded in squelching the baby, and all w ent well for a tim e. T hen, five m inutes a fte r th e last act had com m enced, th e young fa th e r leaned over and said, “ How do you like the show ?” "R otten!” w as th e reply. H e w as silent for a m om ent, and then, leaning over again, he w hispered: “Stick a pin in th e baby.”—E very body’s. * Street and No.- to d a y- City______________ S ta tt. K. P. HALL, R epresentative, 233 Alder S t Portland, Oregon. SELECT DANCING PARTY. Near A rt Note. “ By George, old chap, w hen I look a t one o f your p a in tin g s I sta n d and w onder”— “ H ow I do It?” “No; why you do it.”—Chicago T rib une. Diplomatic. Yes, th a t is a personal question, a very personal question—one th a t affects your whole life; a n d yet you would thank us for asking it if you knew w hat an im m ense pow er for betterm ent we could be to you and y our salary. T o draw a sm all salary m onth after m onth, year a fte r year, is your ow n fault. It is p u re negligence a n d n o thing else, for there is a n institution th a t Is ever read y to enable you to rise to th e highest, best p ay in g posi tions in the profession of y our choice—no m atter how p oor y o u r circu m stances m ay be, how old or how young you a re, no m a tte r w here you live. A nd to prove this the I. C. S. points to h u n d red s of thou san d s of o ther m en w ho have secured advancem ent a n d success th ro u g h the I. C. S. plan; to h u n d red s of others in worse circum stances th a n you a re, whose stories of advancem ent read like rom ance; to a grow th from a m ere idea w ith one Course of Instru ctio n to one of the largest educational in stitu tions in existence with 208 C ourses of In stru ctio n , backed by a capital of six million dollars, a n d a total enrolm ent far in excess of a n y o th er col lege—a grow th m ade possible only a s the result of success in its business —and the business o f this place is to raise salaries. » W ithout doubt this plan is the m ost practical, the quickest, easiest, and cheapest way in the w orld for YOU to secure a b e tte r position and increased earnings. It puts you un d er no obligation w hatever - International Corresnondence Schools to send us th is coupon and allow P lease explain, without further obligation on my part, our experts to explain our system ho w 1 c a n q u a li fy for a l a r g e r s a la r y a n d a d v a n c e m e n t t o t h e p o s i t i o n b e f o r e w h i c h 1 h a v e m a r k e d X. of instruction, and a d ap t a C ourse Ad W r i t e r A r c h i t e c t D r af ts m an to your personal needs. S ho w -C ar d W r i t e r S tr u c t u r a l E ng in ee r W in do w Tr i m m er S tr u c t u r a l Dr af ts m an Do you really w ant to earn C o n tr a c to r & Builder Civil S erv ice B u m s . Fo reman P lu m be r O r n a m e n t a l D e s ig ne r m ore salary? W ould you like the Civil E ngi nee r Mechanical Engi nee r R. R. C on . E n g i n e e r Mechanical Draft s. salary b a g to yield you more each S ur v ey o r Fo rem an Mac hin is t El ectrical E ng in ee r Mi nin g E ngi nee r week or m onth? T hen m ake a Electrician C he m is t Bookkeeper Po we r- St ati o n S upt . definite a tte m p t to brin g this Ste n og ra p he r Ar chitect about by sending in this coupon. T om orrow never comes. Do it , .Yum. Louise Carver at the Empress. The Up-to-Now Club will give its dancing party at the New Royal Academy Hall, located in Manchester building, 85J Fifth street, Tuesday evening, April 0th. It will be the aim of the organi zation to hold a weekly dance ev ery Tuesday evening. The hall is newly fitted up and is considered the best-ventilated and most modern ballroom in the city. Further information can bo had by calling up Mr. C. W. Ilaugsten, East 6323. KRYPTOK INVISIBIE BI-FOCAL Let us show you w ith w h at genius a n d scientific accu racy a new p rin cip al h a 3 been applied to m a k e th e K ry p to k lenses p er fect invisible bifocals. « "H o w did you g et y our w ife to fore- <o her desire for th a t expensive even ing gow n?” “Told her it w as Ju st th e th in g a plain wom an needed.” —Judge. Customer's Name Is Pock. R a rb er—You a re losing your h air very fa st. sir. Are you doing a n y th in g to snve it? C ustom er—Yea; I'm g et tin g a divorce —Boston T ra n s c rip t New Models 10 and 11 Rem i ngton do more than supply every demand; they anticipate every demand of every user of the writing machine. SOME OF THE NEW FEATURES New New New New New New New New Single Dog Escapement Column Selector (Model 10) Built-in Decimal Tabulator (Model 11) Two-Color Dial Back Space Key Variable Line Spacing Lock Shift Lock Paper Feed Remington Typewriter Company (Incorporated New York and Everywhere “ REBECCA OF SUNNYBROOK FARM AT HEILIG THEATRE. WEEK APRIL 7. The Faster week attraction at the Heilig Theatre. Seventh and Taylor streets, for seven nights, be g in n in g S u n d a y , April 7, with matinees Wednesday and Saturday, will be Klaw k Erlanger’a magnificent p r o d u c t i o n of the beautiful dramatic success, “ Rebecca of Snnnybrook Farm.”