CHIPS
by David Koteen
An Infelicitous Situation
There's a certain hum to your automobile that
you don't notice. Thus you like it. Like the regular
beating of your heart. When it goes away, you
say something like, "Damn! What is that rattle?"
or "I knew I should have taken this rattrap in last
month."
Anyway, instead of being late to Portland last
weekend, we never made it. We rattled off at the
exit indicating Scio, almost rolling to the stop
sign. Smoke was seeping out around the hood and.
a distinct, sickening odor permeated the vehicle.
Andy asked, "What do you think it is, Dad?"
Stephanie, who has successfully completed one
semester of auto-mechanics at South, volunteered
in her life-is-full-of-little-lessons fashion, "Sounds
like a rod, Dad. I'd say a great opportunity to get
rid of this clunker and get something a little more
updated. Maybe break into the 80s?"
LIKC a torsenC 7*, fane) dbs
It seems like we've had this discussion before.
"No gang. A Porsche is too small and im
practical for this family."
"Aw, come on Dad! It'd be awesome zooming
around in one."
I pull the hoodlatch, and slowly get out, hoping
not to wake the baby. Andy and Stephanie clam
ber out, waking the baby who begins to cry.
They are eager to see what the trouble is, make
suggestions, put in a challenging word about Alan
Bowers' father's new 911 Carrera.
"I'll think about it; but let's tackle this problem
first."
I take a few deep breaths and look around. It
could be worse I tell myself. Leslie is happily nurs
ing on Claire. The older kids are excited. The sun
is shining. I leave a note under the windshield
wiper explaining the infelicitous situation after re
jecting Stephanie's suggestion to write, "Make my
day. Steal this car."
A kindly filbert farmer proffers us a ride to
Albany where we catch the Greyhound to
Eugene. 212 hours later the Toyota and I are do
ing the freeway slop, a chain length behind my
friend Harold's pick-up. I hate every nervewrack-.
ing second.
The worst of it is over. We are humbly reduced
to a one-car family: Claire's VW Bug —the
people's car — reliable, and as I am soon to learn,
created under the auspices of Porsche.
You see, a man of my pride can withstand only
so much chiding without taking action. You know
how it is —you start with the basics —food, shel
ter, clothing —and work your way up. When you
reach your economic and emotional limits, you
stop. Sometimes stretch a little. But basically hang
out there. For some people the line is drawn be
tween margarine and butter, chicken and beef, jug
wine and varietals. For others, it's a house on Col
lege Hill versus Hendricks Park, a vacation in
Europe versus the Orient, a BMW versus a
Porsche. Choices and fine lines keep the game
lively.
What happens is you get stuck in one group and
you realize you can't get out. Then tricky ole Fate
comes along and offers you an opportunity. Like
your engine self-destructs on 1-5.
What would you do?
I take the bait.
Saturday we tve pile into the VW and drive out
to Centennial Imports—"not your average car
dealer" —to visit some Porsches. We are all bug
eyed and demure as we enter the showroom. A
five-year-old Porsche Targa is being displayed. A
very handsome, $25,000 used car. A salesman
gives us a rundown of various features on the five
available Porsche models. Without options the
models range in price between $24-50,000. We
react differently, Claire grasps the baby tighter
and tighter; Stephanie and Andy release a con
tinual flow of exclamations: Really! Awesome!
Wow! Unbelievable! Geel My voice gets pro
gressively softer. For better or worse we all realize
we are out of our class.
But the crushing blow for us windowshoppers
is when we learn that a super-duper special
Porsche 959 is being manufactured that will cost
somewhere in the neighborhood of $140,000. I
thank the salesman and whisper that we have to
leave. No one talks on the way home.
We are famished by the time we arrive. Claire
puts Leslie down to nap. Out comes the tuna fish,
chips, milk, pickles, onions, mayonnaise, bread,
lettuce, tomatoes. For a few moments there are
only eating sounds. Then I say:
'Tm glad we went out there. I for one learned a
lot."
"Why would anybody spend $50,000 on
something to drive around in?" Andy asks.
"It doesn't seem right to spend so much money
on a car, even a good one, when so many people
are starving like Ethiopians."
Claire says, "Let's find out how much it will cost
to rebuild the Toyota.”
A rebuilt engine installed will cost us $1150.
You just have to break down now and again to
realize what a good deal you've got.
Thanksgiving Sale
Chestnuts—Local, Organic
reg.$2.79/b .. .......
Just slit and bake at 375° for 20 minutes.
Organic Sugar Pie Pumpkins.....
sale$1.99/b
290/b
Great for pies or stuffed with rice.
Natural Stuffing Mix.
Knudsen’s Natural Apple Juice
reg. $4.29 .... ..
Mulling Spice Mix .....
Just boil in water, add cider or wine and simmer.
$1.49
sale $2.99
80c/on
Holiday Wines
Fetzer Sundial Chardonnay
reg. $8.25. sale $5.95
A Best Buy—a frail, clean, rich Chardonnay.
Knudsen-Erath 1979 Reserve
Chardonnay reg. $7.50 ... sale $5.50
Columbia 1983 Chardonnay
Wyckoff Vineyards
_sale $5.50
reg. $7.50....
Mt. Elise Washington Gamay
Beaujolais reg. $4.75 .... sale $3.95
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