THE UNITED AMERICAN
JULY 1925
Bits of Humor for the Home Circle and the Fireside
Unlucky suggestion.—A countryman
went to London to visit some relatives
and to see the sights. He remained until
patience upon the part of his hosts, a
married couple, had ceased to be a virtue.
“Don’t you think, my dear fellow,”
remarked the husband one day, “that
your wife and children miss you?”
“No doubt. Thanks for the suggestion.
I’ll send for them.”
Fired him.—Hank.—My brother sure
was a dumb guy.
Frank — How’s that ?
Hank — Why, they had to burn down
the schoolhouse to get him out of the
first grade,
— Sun Dial.
He was fired.—The head of the large
shop, while passing through the packing
room, observed a boy lounging against
a case of goods and whistling cheerily.
The chief stopped and looked at him.
“How much do you get a week?” he
demanded.
“Five dollars.”
“Then here’s a week’s money. Now
clear out!”
The boy pocketed the money and
departed.
“When did we hire that boy?” the
chief inquired of the departmental
manager.
“Never,” was the reply. “He had just
brought a note from another firm.”
Laugh that off! Copywriter—Johnny
give me a sentence using the word
diadem.
Office Boy — People who drink moon
shine diadem sight quicker than those
who don’t.
Retort courteous. Special Rep. — Are
you sure ' the advertising manager is
not in?
Reception Room Sheba — Sa-ay, do
you doubt his word, mister?
Hitting on all four. Dick, aged five,
thinks in terms of automobiles rather
than those of natural history. Startled
by a dog, running swiftly and barking
gruffly, he described the event vividly,
exclaiming: “Daddy, he came tearing
down the road with his cut-out open.”
When he slipped. — An old farmer was
carrying a pitcher of milk down to the
cellar, when he slipped and fell to the
bottom, jarring himself from head to
foot. His wife called anxiously:
“John, did you break the pitcher?”
“No,” replied John, earnestly and pro
fanely, “but darned if I don’t”
— From Everybody’s Magazine.
Off guard. — “Yes, when she wasn’t
looking I kissed her.”
“What did she do?”
“Refused to look at me for the rest
of the evening.—The Progressive Grocer.
Save the life of flowers. — A florist
recently tried a clever secret for pro
longing the beauty of cut hothouse
flowers especially roses. When the
flowers have reached their prime at the
first sign of fading drop an aspirin tablet
into the water. The flowers will reviye
as if 'by magie and remain fresh and
beautiful for several days longer.
—The Delineator.
Compassion
Captain Whetter — How much did the
assessor tax you on your automobile?
Bill Roberts — Nothing. When I took,
him "out to the garage and showed him
the car, he took out his pocketbook and
gave me ten dollars
— The Mirror.
Mamma’s surprise. Marjory — Mam
ma, were you at home when I was born?
Mother — No, darling, I was at grand
ma’s, in the country.
Marjory — Wasn’t you awful, s’prised
when you heard about it — The Triangle.
Page Nineteen
natural enemies of foreign insect pests
and whenever found the enemies are
brought here to be enlisted in the con
tinual war being waged.
But in spite of the supreme efforts
being made, the depredations of insect
pests continue to increase annually. In
this fact the department sees the grave
danger for the future. And it is for this
reason the department hurries to attack
the first appearance of new insects in
this country, anxious to subdue them
before they become such a menace as
the boll weevil became.
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Overbeck-Cooke Co.
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BROKERS
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Stocks, Bonds, Grain and Cotton
| Members Chicago Board of Trade,
| Portland: Board of Trade Building.
| Pendleton, Ore., Walla Walla, Wash.
Direct Private Wires to Logan &
| Ryan, of New York and Chicago."
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Unanswerable Argument
This story of a terse, pointed presen
tation of the subject of life insurance
comes from somewhere out West. The
agent of a few words, but full of earnest
ness, sidled up to a native and said:
“Listen ter me a minute. A dog buries
a bone fur a time when he’s hungry,
don’t he?
“A squirrel gethers nuts ter live on
in winter, don’t he?
“Well, then, you oughter git ready for
the hereafter, hadn’t you? And most
of all you oughter fix it so yer family
counldn’t be disgraced by havin’ to go
ter town and li.ve when you die, and
you be purty near cussed out o’ yer
grave by yer neighbors for not insuring
yer life. Ain’t that so ?
“Here, stick yer name on the bottom
of this paper, and don’t fergit who let
yer in on the favor of havin’ the biggest
chance in yer whole life.
“That’s right. Now come with me,
and we’ll go over ter the doc’s and see
if yer heart and guts is working’ like
they oughter.”
—The Lifeman.
AMERICAN FIELDS AND FORESTS
RAVAGED BY FOREIGN INSECTS
(Continued from Page Eighteen)
enemies who seek it out on its own plane,
destroying in a year immeasurably more
weevils than man destroys with all his
intelligence and machinery.
* * *
In this phase is the romance of the
department’s work. It has scientists
searching the remotest corners of the
earth for parasites and insects which
may be brought to the United States to
fight pests here. Bugs discovered possi
bly in the wilds of interior Asia or
Africa are carefully transported to
America and planted in the hope they
may develop into killers of other insects.
The original introduction of pests like
the boll weevil or the Japanese beetle
into this country was accidental and the
strange insects flourished because their
natural enemies were not introduced with
them to keep them down. The depart
ment is constantly searching for the
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LIGHT
POWER
HEAT
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Northwestern Electric Co.
Washington at Tenth
PORTLAND, ORE.
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The place to trade
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STAPLES
The Jeweler
266 Morrison Street
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CLASSIFIED
Professions—Business
| _________ ATTORNEYS__________
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NELS JACOBSON
806 N. W. Bank Bldg. Main 4416 j
DAVID E. LOFGREN
1030 Ch. of Com. Bldg. Brd’wy 0462 |
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Phone Main 1165
Dr. Harold G, Trommald
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DENTIST
Regular office hours every day
Evenings by appointment
805-807 Journal Building
Cor, Yamhill and Broadway,
Portland, Ore.
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Phone Main 4389
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DR. LEIF UNDERDAHL
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DENTIST
Plate and Combination Bridge |
Work a Specialty
Office: 1221 Selling Building
Sixth and Alder, Portland, Oregon |
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Reg. Office Hours
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Eve. by Appointment
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