MARCH, 1925
THE UNITED AMERICAN
Page Nineteen
Bits of Humor for the Home Circle and the Fireside
The American Spirit. —A teacher in
a public school tells how an aspiring
young Italian citizen was beginning to
show the effects of an American in-
vironment. Tony had been away from
school about a week and when he
showed up one morning the teacher
asked him where he had been.
“I ran away,” said Tony.
“Ran away? What did you do that
for?” asked the teacher.
“My father was going to lick me, so
I thought I’d run away,” was the reply.
The teacher by further questioning,
brought out the fact that Tony for
some trifling dereliction had been
threatened with a beating and had
stayed away from home the best part
of a week.
“But your father has the right to
whip you,” said the teacher.
“Yes, he may,” added Tony, “but I
was born in this country and I don’t
want no foreigner- to lick me.”
A Reasoning Juror. — “I’ll tell you,
sir, ’ow I makes up my mind. I’m. a
plain man, and a reasonin’ man, and I
ain’t influenced by anything the law
yers say; no, nor by what the judge
says. I just looks at the man in the
docks, and I says: ‘If he ain’t done
nothing, why’s he here?’ And I bring
’em all in guilty.”
An Honest Tradesman.. — “No,” said
the old gentleman, sternly, “I will not
do it . Never have I sold anything by
false representations and I will not
begin now.”
For a moment he was silent, and the
clerk who stood before him could see
that the better nature of his employer
war fighting strongly for the right.
“No,” the old man cried again, “I
will not do it! It is an inferior grade
of shoe, and I will never pass it off for
anything better. Mark it ‘A shoe fit for
a queen’ and put it in the window. A
queen does not have to do much
I
raise for myself. The wife knows how
much I am getting now, sir, and I can’t
knock down any of my present wages;
she gets it all. I need the raise for
personal expenses.’
“Well, you men can easily guess he
got that raise; he is too blamed bonest
to let it get away.”
An Oregonian- -heavily laden with
stilled moonshine approached a patrol
man the other night and asked:
“Would y-ou kindly tell- me which is
the other side of the street?”
“Why, over there, of course,” said the
officer.
“That’s funny,” muttered the brain-
befudled individual. “I’ve just been over
there, and they told me it was this side.”
SAFEGUARDING THE HEALTH OF
THREE MILLION PEOPLE IN
ONE CITY ,
(Continued from Page 17)
a kindly attitude towards health educa
tion and publicity, -and are one of the
large factors in the education of the
public.
Though we have by no means reached
the ideal state in which there will be
no preventable sickness, vital -statistics*
show that we are fast becoming a
healthier community, that we can now
crowd together Without the former
danger of spreading disease. We are
becoming more intelligent, more thought
ful and more careful not only of our
health, but of-that of our neighbors.
STATES CAN GET HELP TO SAVE
FORESTS
(Continued from Page 18)
vention lesson has been learned, and
that the nearby forest has a better
chance than before.
Oregon’s -forests are being cruelly
wasted to-day for lack of proper care.
Its the -last -stand of America’s virgin
forests. Public conscience in Oregon is
walking.”
■being aroused and greater forest protec
tion may be looked for wlith each passing
Wanted Pin Money. — At a table in year. The carelessness of campers who
the Manufacturers’ club in Philadelphia leave -smoldering fires or toss lighted
one evening several manufacturers were matches, cigarets or ci-gars in the dry
gathered, discussing subjects with great grass will cause more grief for the
interest and with as great impartialty. ■thoughtless citizen in the future than
The talk switched in time to the ques it has in the past. The wasteful logger
tion of wages, and all had more or less who has no concern in the small -shoots,
who cuts -and tosses away a dozen young
to say on that point.
One of the men, who employs hun trees to make easy access to a tree
dreds of workers, was called on to tell wlith present commercial value should
what he thought of the increased cost be -subject to arrest and' imprisonment.
Healthy forest growth could be provided
of living.
“Well,” he said, “I know that my men cheaply by engaging experienced forest
are constantly asking for more wages ers to cut away underbrush vegetation
and saying that they cannot live on and foreign substances that draw the
what they earn; but one of them gave strength of the soil from the tree and
the richest excuse for a raise that I incidentally -supply the very ammuni
ever heard.
tion for the forest fire. Each tree
“He came into the office, a few weeks should be provided a certain allotment
ago and said that he had just been of ground in proportion to the depth
married and wanted more money. In and richness of -the soil. In this way
a spirit of jest I said to him: ‘So, you -the forest growth could be speeded up
want to take home more money for the and provide the means of keeping up the
little wife? That’s what .you want the value of timberland, besides insuring
raise for, is it?’
future generations a continuous timber
“ ‘Oh, no, sir,’ he replied, ‘I want the supply.
Overbeck-Cooke Co.
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BROKERS
i Stocks, Bonds, Grain and Cotton |
g Members Chicago Board of Trade. |
| Portland: Board of Trade Building. g
g Pendleton, Ore., Walla Walla, Wash. I
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Direct Private Wires to Logan & |
g Ryan, of New York and Chicago. |
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VALUABLE GLASSES
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There is a real but often unsus-
pected value in certain things you
buy.
The Honor and Integrity of the
firm from whom you purchase your
Eye Glasses is worth many times
more than the price paid for the
glasses.
Your surety of Satisfactory
Service depends entirely upon this
real but unpaid for value.
For your next pair of glasses see
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| D. CHAMBERS & SONS I
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VISION SPECIALISTS
167 Broadway
Portland, Ore. |
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CLASSIFIED
Professions—Business
i _______ ATTORNEYS__________ |
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NELS JACOBSON
806 N. W. Bank Bldg. Main 4416 |
DAVID E. LOFGREN
1030 Ch. of Com. Bldg. Brd’wy 0462 f
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The place to trade
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STAPLES
The Jeweler
266 Morrison Street
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Phone Main 1165
Or. Harold 6. Trommald
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DENTIST
Regular office hours every day
■Evenings by appointment
805-807 Journal Building
Cor. Yamhill and Broadway,
Portland, Ore.
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Phone Main 4389
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DR. LEIF UNDERDAHL
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DENTIST
Plate and Combination Bridge
Work a Specialty
Office: 1221 Selling Building
Sixth and Alder, Portland, Oregon
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Reg. Office Hours
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Eve. by Appointment
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Cash Paid for false teeth, dental, gold,
platinum and discarded jewelry.
Hoke Smelting & Refining Co.
Otsego, Michigan
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