I
FEBRUARY, 1925
Page Nineteen
THE UNITED AMERICAN
prietor saw to the right of him
a big sign — “Bankrupt Sale,” and to
the left — “Closing Out at Cost.” Twen­
ty minutes later there appeared over his
own door a sign painted in enormous
size letters: “Main Entrance.”
Bits of Humor for the Home Circle and the Fireside
A Portland lawyer was cross-examin­ the paper, the bank discounted it, and
ing an important witness the -other day: the money was divided. When note was
due B. was in California, and A. had to
“When did the robbery take place ?
meet the payment. What he is unable
“I think------” -began the witness.
“We don’t care what you think, sir. to cipher out is whether he borrowed
On His Way. Sambo — Hello, Ras-
$100 of B. or B. borrowed $100 of him. tus! Whar is you gwine?
We want to know what you know.”
“Then if you don’t want to know
Rastus — I ain’t agwine nowhar; I’se
what I think, I may as well leave the
Highly Esteemed. — “Do you think jes’ been whar I’se gwine.
stand. I can’t talk without thinking. that most men nowadays worship
I’m not a lawyer.”
money?”
Cash Paid for false teeth, dental, go-id,
“No, I won’t gb as far as that,” an­
platinum and discarded jewelry.
Was Reversed. — A young minister, swered the home-grown philosopher,
I somewhat distinguished for self-conceit, “but I will say that the love of money
Hoke Smelting & Refining Co.
I having failed disastrously before a is seldom platonic.”
Otsego, Michigan
—Louisville Courier-Journal.
I crowded audience, was thus addressed
■ by an aged brother: If you had gone
VALUABLE GLASSES
I into that pulpit, feeling as you now do
A Common Error. — “What’s your
coming out of that pulpit, you would idea of success?”
There is a real but often unsus-
have felt on coming out of that pulpit
“Getting $50 for five cents’ worth of | pected value in certain things you
as you did when you went up into that work.”
3 ’buy.
I pulpit.
The Honor and Integrity of the
Capability Necessary. — The story is | firm from whom you purchase your
I
The Soft Answer. — The old saying related of a prosperous preacher passing 3 Eye Glasses is worth many times
I that a soft answer turns away wrath through a village in Valders, Norway, | more than the price paid for the
is beautifully exemplified in a story told when he saw the town fool amusing 3 glasses.
Your surety of Satisfactory
by the Argonaut:
Two men were a crowd with the antics of his trick
occupying a double seat in a crowded dog. The minister stopped and accosted g Service depends entirely upon this
| real but unpaid for value.
car. One of them was a long dis­ the boy:
|
For your next pair of glasses see
tance whistler and the other was evi­
“My dear boy, how do you manage
dently annoyed. “You don’t seem to to train your dog in that way? I can’t I D. CHAMBERS & SONS
■ like my whistling?” said the noisy one, teach mine a single trick.”
VISION SPECIALISTS
■ ofter a five-minute continuous per-
The boy looked up, with a simple | 167 Broadway
Portland, Ore.
I formance. “No, I don’t,” was the frank rustic look and replied:
I reply. “Well,” continued the other,
“Well, you see, it’s this way; you Miiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiitiitiiiiiiifiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiimtiiiin
■ “maybe you think you are man enough have to know more’n the dog, or you
CLASSIFIED
I to stop it ?
“No, I don’t think I am,” can’t learn him nothin’.”
Professions—Business
■ rejoined .the other, “but I hope you are.”
| And the whistling was discontinued.
Somewhat Doubtful — The father of
ATTORNEYS
four, boys, discovering the eldest, aged
Competition for jobs in Norway. — A thirteen, smoking a cigarette, called the
NELS JACOBSON
man who had fallen off a Piperviken four together for a lecture on the evils
806 N. W. Bank Bldg. Main 4416
dock in Oslo, the capital city of Norway, of narcotics.
DAVID E. LOFGREN
was making frantic efforts to save him­
“Now, Willie,” he said, in conclusion,
1030 Ch. of Com. Bldg. Brd’wy 0462
self when along came an unemployed to his youngest, “are you going to use
laborer who threw a rope to -the drowning tobacco when you get to be a man ? ”
man. While pulling the unfortunate
“I don’t know” replied the six-year-
to safety the rescuer engaged him in old, soberly. “I’m trying hard to quit.”
The place to trade
the following conversation:
—Success Magazine.
“What’s your name?”
“Larschen.”
No Moonshine. — A man was discov­
The Jeweler
“Where do you work?”
ered one evening by a friend leaning
266 Morrison Street
I “On Paulsen’s lot.”
disconsolately over the rail of a trans-
“Is that so!” With this exclamation Atlantic -steamer, -says the jokesmith of ^••«»•UlllllllllllllltlllllllllHIIIlitllllllillllllllllilllllllllllillllllllllltllKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIllu
the would-be rescuer dropped the rope the Los Angeles Times.
Phone Main 1165
and started a marathon race for Paalsen’s
“Are you waiting for the moon to
lot. Almost -out of breath, he asked the rise?” asked the friend, facetiously.
foreman:
“No,” was the savage reply, “I have
“Can I -have the job 'left vacant by
DENTIST
not
swallowed the moon.”
¡Larschen—he just drowned?”
Regular office hours every day
«I
‘The place has already been taken.”
Evenings by appointment
An Oversight. — A near sighted Port­
I “But he just drowned. I stood myself land citizen was riding in a street car
805-807 Journal Building
land watched him.”
the other day, when a lady opposite
Cor, Yamhill and Broadway,
Portland, Ore.
“Maybe so, but the fell-ow that pushed bowed to him. He returned the bow,
TjiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiN-
him in applied ahead of you.”
raised his hat, smiled sweetly, and was xMllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllliilllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllKIIIIIIIIIQ
just wondering who she was, when she
A Financial Problem. — A. applied to came over and whispered in his ear. | Phone Main 4389
B. for a loan of $100. B. replied: “My “Oh! I’ll fix you for this, old man!”
I DR. LEIF UNDERDAHL
[dear A., nothing would please me better Then he knew it was his wife.
DENTIST
than to oblige you, and I’ll do it. I
f
Plate
and
Combination Bridge
haven’t $100 by me, but you make a note
Artist.
—
It
is
not
always
that
An Ad
Work a Specialty
and I’ll endorse it, and you can get the business men take advantage of a
Office: 1221 Selling Building
money from the bank.” Grateful A. situation, but it sometimes occurs. It
| Sixth and Alder, Portland, Oregon
¡proceeded at once to write a note. happened in Topeka, says Everybody’s.
[Stay,” said B., “Make it $200. I want Three clothing stores' are on the same i Reg-. Office Hours Eve. by Appointment
§100 myself.” A. did so, B. endorsed block. One morning the middle pro­
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I
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STAPLES
¿lüllllllllllllllllÙliliülllllllIlllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllliÎlllilfKlllllllllllllllllllS«
Dr. Harold 6. Trommald
s
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Place Your Orders With The United American Advertisers—and Tell Them Why