Wednesday, September 1, 2021 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
In the
PINES
By T. Lee Brown
Learning from
our kids
Parents learn a lot from our chil-
dren. They teach us about ourselves
and the world around us. When a
parent and a child are of different
races, a whole new avenue of learn-
ing opens up.
Cheryl Soleim is a local mom, a
white woman. Her daughter Natalie
is Black. Until recently, Cheryl
considered herself <color-blind.=
As I9ve reported in The Nugget,
Natalie experienced bullying at
Sisters Middle School, bullying that
involved race and gender.
<I had to go through this in order
to understand what racism is,=
Cheryl told me. <My eyes weren9t
opened to the hardships of it. Going
through this, I understand that life is
difficult for people of different color
in ways that it9s not difficult for
white people.=
Cheryl was shocked not just
by the things that were said to her
daughter, but by how people in the
school district and the community
responded. Many of those details
cannot be shared in print, as I9ve
reported previously.
The bullying incidents went on
two-and-a-half months. <Trying to
get her help was like, every ave-
nue that I went to was shut down,=
Cheryl said. <Had I not been a more
strong-willed person I would have
given up.=
She eventually reported the situ-
ation to the Oregon Department
of Education (ODE), which sent
a representative over from Salem.
According to an ODE report, the
school environment was recognized
as conducive to discrimination.
For around three years now,
Cheryl has been taking time out of
her busy life to attend meetings and
hold conversations about the case.
She also took the time to talk with
me, in three separate interviews over
a series of months.
My impression is one of dedi-
cation and courage. This everyday,
local mom like me could choose
an easier path. She could avoid the
hassles that come with raising dif-
ficult subjects. After all, her daugh-
ter Natalie seems to be doing just
fine. I found her to be a funny, kind,
and super chill young woman, now
homeschooling through Baker Web.
<Natalie is amazing,= said Cheryl.
<Having gone through this, she is a
stronger person... she9s doing very
well. I9m so proud of her.=
Instead of glossing things over
now that her own daughter is past a
rough time, Cheryl bravely chooses
to learn more. She engages in com-
plex discussions during a time when
many white or mostly white people
would bury their heads in the sand.
<I want to say that I do not
believe that because white people
have allowed [racism] to happen,
that all white people have a bad
heart,= Cheryl clarified. <I think that
we can be confused and we can be
ignorant, and the best thing we can
do is to be open to learning and to
listening, and not have to wait until
it happens personally to us like I
did.=
Cheryl, her husband, Sisters
School District (SSD) staff, includ-
ing superintendent Curt Scholl, and
ODE civil rights specialist Winston
Cornwall met for six meetings of a
conciliatory nature.
<We were able to put 12 pages
of things that SSD was going to put
into place, and that they had cer-
tain dates= to accomplish each goal,
she said. <Winston told me that Mr.
Scholl has been very good about
making those deadlines.=
As for herself, Cheryl continues
to learn.
<I9m more of a listener now when
people of color talk,= she said. <I
hear their stories better. [For exam-
ple] I hear that Black parents have
to tell their boys to look down, don9t
draw any attention to yourself.=
She thinks it9s wrong that they9ve
been put in this position.
Cheryl came to recognize prob-
lems with her old way of thinking.
<I was so proud of myself
because I was color-blind,= she said.
<I thought that meant I wasn9t racist,
right? I should have said, Let9s cel-
ebrate the Black community, includ-
ing the differences 4 we don9t need
to be color-blind. We don9t need to
pretend like their Blackness doesn9t
exist.=
Being self-proclaimed color-
blind, she explained, <implies that
they should be ashamed, [like] I
shouldn9t recognize their color
because somehow they9re going to
be ashamed of it.= Cheryl realized,
<I don9t want Natalie to be ashamed
of her color. I want her to celebrate.=
<I9m not proud of the fact that
I had to have my Black daughter
have racism against her in order for
me to figure this out,= she said. <I
would way rather have figured this
out because I am empathetic and I
have eyes that see 4 but it was not
that way. I wasn9t ever trying to hurt
anybody. I just wasn9t going out of
my way to understand how they
felt.=
I asked Cheryl, What challenge
do our local leaders face?
<At the end of the day what9s
most important is our children...
Keeping things quiet because we9re
trying to protect adults is not OK,=
She responded. <We don9t have to
attack people and make them sound
like they9re horrible because they
made a mistake, but we need to be
OK talking about it.=
Cheryl is a Christian. She noted,
<Jesus talked all the time about
injustice and being merciful, and
we9re supposed to be like him.=
Jesus <stood up,= she said. <He hung
out with the tax collectors and the
prostitutes. He didn9t care how much
money somebody had, didn9t care
their position, their standing in the
community 4 he just loved people.=
Cheryl hopes to learn from
Jesus9s example. That includes not
<somehow getting defensive= if
a discussion of racism challenges
white people, including herself.
<I just want to love people and to
listen to them.=
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KICK OFF YOUR
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Saturday, September 4 through Monday, September 6
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We have all
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creative side.
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