24
Of a certain age Wednesday, September 16, 2020 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
How to know when it’s time to seek help for seniors
By Sue Stafford
Correspondent
More and more of us are
living longer. People cel-
ebrating their century mark
are no longer an oddity and
those living to 85 and beyond
are much more common.
These changing demo-
graphics give rise to the
question: <Where are all
these people going to live
and be cared for?
Perhaps you are facing
that question for yourself or
for a senior loved one. How
do you know when it9s time
for in-home care, or a move
to a senior community, or
assisted living, or memory
care?
Before initiating the con-
versation, do your home-
work to know what facili-
ties and services are avail-
able in the area where your
loved one wishes to live.
Take tours, know what pro-
grams and amenities they
offer, and what the costs
are.
Families often put off
making the decision to
seek help while parents9 or
spouse9s care needs escalate
and their own caregiving
stress increases. They don9t
know how to have a conver-
sation about living arrange-
ments. The loved one may
be worried about losing their
independence, or they may
be attached to their current
home or pets and be under-
standably reluctant to even
consider the idea of parting
with treasured possessions
and memories in order to
move into a smaller space.
Admitting they need to make
that move can feel like the
ESTATE PLAN: Pandemic
has enhanced need
for forethought
Continued from page 18
flexibility in dispersing your
estate. You can direct your
trust to pass your assets to
your beneficiaries immedi-
ately upon your death or to
distribute the assets over time
and in amounts you specify.
Healthcare surrogate: A
healthcare surrogate, some-
times known as a healthcare
proxy or healthcare power of
attorney, is a legal document
that appoints a person to act
for you if you become inca-
pacitated. Your surrogate has
the authority to talk to your
doctors, manage your medical
care, and make medical deci-
sions for you if you cannot.
Living Will: A living will,
also known as an advance
health care directive, lets you
specify what end-of-life treat-
ment you do or don9t want
to receive if you become ter-
minally ill or permanently
unconscious.
beginning of the end and that
is scary.
Acknowledge and dis-
cuss their fears. Once your
loved one can articulate his
or her worries, make a list of
their concerns to assure them
they are being heard and let
them know they can count
on you to be their advocate.
Then you can work together
to discuss living options that
address their concerns and
value residents9 dignity, inde-
pendence, and privacy. Your
prior homework will pay big
dividends at this point.
Have discussions early
and often so your loved one
doesn9t feel pressured. Get
the family involved, if pos-
sible. Decide who will be the
main point of contact or the
key decision maker. Be sure
your loved one is as involved
in the decision-making pro-
cess as possible. After all, it9s
their happiness, health, and
safety that is being discussed.
Those discussions need
to take place in a quiet, com-
fortable environment, free of
disturbances or other obliga-
tions. Encourage your loved
one to take a couple of tours
with you to facilities they
think they might like and that
meet their needs and their
budget.
If you haven9t had discus-
sions before the need arises,
or even if you have, and you
are beginning to notice signs
that it might be time for in-
home care, or a move to a
senior living community,
or for them to move in with
a family member, start the
conversation with something
like, <I9m concerned about
some things I9ve been notic-
ing lately and I want you to
All these estate planning
tools can be complex, so
before taking action, you9ll
need to consult with an attor-
ney and possibly your tax and
financial advisors, too.
However, during a pan-
demic, you may encounter a
special challenge: Documents
such as wills and powers of
attorney typically need to be
notarized and witnessed 3 and
that may be difficult during a
time of social distancing and
self-imposed quarantines. But
this problem may be solvable
because many states have
now enacted executive orders
or passed laws that permit
<virtual= notarization and wit-
nessing of legal documents.
In any case, if the coro-
navirus pandemic has raised
your concerns about the leg-
acy you9d like to leave, take
the time now to launch or
update your estate plans 4
you9ll be glad you did.
This article written by
Edward Jones (Member
SIPC), provided to The Nug-
get by local Edward Jones
Financial Advisor Karen
Kassy, 541-549-1866.
be safe and healthy in your
living situation.=
Then share your con-
cerns and let them know that
you will be their advocate.
Explicitly state that you want
to fulfill their wishes and they
can depend on you, and that
you want to maintain their
way of life and need their
help to make the right deci-
sions. Let them explain, ask
questions, share their fears,
and open the door by asking
them, <What should we do
about that?= If this is the first
conversation, you can share
what you have found from
your research and explain all
the benefits offered by senior
living communities or by
moving in with family.
Be sure to end the conver-
sation with a plan for the next
steps. This may be possible to
do in one meeting but more
likely it will be a process.
Having conversations proac-
tively and a plan in place for
when the time comes, means
it doesn9t have to be an emer-
gency with the move being
made under duress.
Signs that it may be time
to move, or arrange in-home
care, could include your
loved one9s difficulty walk-
ing and being at risk of fall-
ing, trouble shopping and
preparing meals, difficulty
taking medications, inability
to perform activities of daily
living, struggling to keep
up the house, and feelings
of isolation, depression, or
boredom.
For some families, hav-
ing an elderly or loved one
living with them works out
well, but not for everyone.
Sometimes the caregiving
burden becomes too much.
Marriages and family life
can be negatively impacted.
If living with elderly parents
isn9t working out for the care-
giver, chances are the elder
is having some of the same
feelings. Ask the elder how
they feel about the arrange-
ment. Deciding against living
with elderly parents doesn9t
mean you don9t love them or
you are shirking your respon-
sibilities. Help them find a
new living situation that ben-
efits you both, and be sup-
portive throughout and after
the move.
Caring for someone with
dementia or Alzheimer9s
can present some serious
challenges as the dementia
worsens. Some signs that it
is probably time to move a
loved one with dementia to
assisted living or memory
care include aggression,
caregiver stress because of
escalating care needs, they
are unsafe in their current
living situation, they are
experiencing <sundowner9s
syndrome= 3 very agitated
behavior particularly later in
the day or evening, or they
are wandering if the care-
giver isn9t always present,
increasing the possibility of
falls, injuries, and getting
lost.
The most loving thing
families can do for their
loved ones is to be sure they
are in the proper place for
getting the care they need.
Sometimes the best decision
for the health and happi-
ness of the caregiver and the
care receiver is putting your
loved one into a care facil-
ity that can meet their needs,
be those physical, emotional,
social, or mental.
Caregiving takes a toll
The psychological costs
of caregiving can give rise
to avoidance behaviors, dis-
abling anxiety, hypervigi-
lance, and intrusive thoughts
in the caregiver. The psy-
chological, emotional, and
physical toll of caregiving
can be especially high for
spouses of those needing
care. Exhaustion from sleep
deprivation and emotional
overload can give rise to
anger and resentment as well
as multiple health issues,
particularly if the caregiver
is elderly.
The thought of mov-
ing someone to a facility
can cause feelings of guilt.
Anticipatory grief can also
impact the caregiver. Too
many times the caregiver
gets sick or burns out, and
sometimes dies before the
one receiving care. The best
way to be a good caregiver
is to take care of yourself,
ask for help, and seek sup-
port for yourself in groups
for caregivers. Arrange for
respite care by either send-
ing your loved one to a facil-
ity for a few days so you can
get a break or have someone
come into the home and care
for your loved one so you
can get away for a few days.
The Lodge in Sisters
offers respite care services.
Hospice of Redmond,
serving all of Central Oregon:
Hospice and Palliative care • Transitions Program
Bereavement Support • Veteran Focused Care
Call of us today at 541-548-7483 • hospiceofredmond.org