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Wednesday, June 10, 2020 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
Commentary...
Strategies for teaching gratitude
By Mitchell Luftig
Columnist
Parents attempt to pro-
vide every one of their chil-
dren with equal portions of
love, affection, kindness,
and support. Logically, chil-
dren growing up in the same
family, treated the same
way, should be quite simi-
lar in their ability to experi-
ence positive emotions, such
as joy, interest, energized,
alert, enthusiastic, content-
ment, pride, cheerfulness,
optimism, and happiness.
However research tells us
that children inherit very dif-
ferent built-in limits to their
capacity to experience posi-
tive emotions 4determined
by their set point.
Some children 4 let9s
call them <Eeyores= 4
inherit a very low set point.
Such children appear down-
in-the-dumps, bemoaning
their fate, and seeing little to
look forward to in life. When
the child with a low set point
experiences a manifestly
positive event4they are
invited to the birthday party
of the most popular student
in their class4they will
experience a surge in posi-
tive emotions and the child9s
usual negativity seems to lift.
Eventually, the <tyranny= of
the set point kicks in and the
child returns to their gloomy
self.
The good news is that a
child9s set point for positive
emotions accounts for only
50 percent of what makes
them happy. So there is hope,
even for those children who
are more akin to Eeyore than
to Winnie the Pooh.
Beyond the set point for
positive emotions, the envi-
ronment a child grows up
in accounts for another ten
percent of their happiness.
Children with a high set
point for positive emotions
will likely adapt successfully
to a challenging environ-
ment, whereas children with
a low set point for positive
emotions are more likely
to remain unhappy, even in
ideal circumstances.
The remaining 40 per-
cent of what determines a
child9s happiness depends
upon the lens the child uses
to view their world. When
children can see that the con-
ditions they need to be happy
already exist, they may rise
above their set point and
their environment to become
happier people.
Practicing gratitude is a
skill that enables children to
rise above their set point for
positive emotions. Andrea
Hussong defines it this way:
<Gratitude is how you make
sense of what you9ve been
given 4 your feelings and
thoughts about those gifts.
And then how you act on
that to show appreciation.=
Grateful children are hap-
pier and more satisfied with
their lives and with their
friends, family, neighbor-
hood and selves. Grateful
children report more hope,
engagement with their hob-
bies, higher GPAs, and less
envy, depression, and materi-
alism: The Gratitude Project.
When children look at
their world through the lens
of gratitude, they see a world
where people care about one
another and treat each other
with kindness. Ungrateful
children see a world in which
people are indifferent to one
another.
Children with relatively
low set points for positive
emotions benefit the most
from strategies to increase
gratitude; however, most
children will receive some
benefit.
Three strategies to
increase a child9s gratitude:
" Parental modeling of
gratitude is one of the most
powerful ways to teach
children how to count their
blessings. The more often
children observe their par-
ents express sincere gratitude
to others, the more likely
they are to internalize grati-
tude as an important value.
The threat of the corona-
virus has provided everyone
with a shocking reminder
that life is fragile and life
is precious. Parents, if you
haven9t already done so,
consider taking this oppor-
tunity to model gratitude by
telling the people you love
how grateful you are that
they are healthy and a part
of your life. When the pan-
demic passes, continue to
count your blessings4out
loud so your children can
hear you (e.g., thank children
for completing their chores
or sharing possessions, thank
a family member for prepar-
ing a meal).
" Parents can also teach
gratitude through daily inter-
actions and conversations
with their children. When a
sibling or peer treats a child
in a friendly manner, remind
the child that a sincere thank
you makes the other child
feel good, too.
" When children feel
they are owed kindness (feel
entitled), point out that if the
child does not show their
appreciation, others may no
longer be kind to them.
" Volunteering as a fam-
ily at a homeless shelter can
provide a valuable lesson
in humility and gratitude.
Parents can also encourage
their children to play with
grateful peers and discour-
age them for hanging out
with peers who feel entitled.
Additional innovative
strategies to teach children
gratitude, offered by Sarah
Conway:
" Develop a dinner ritual
where each family member
names one thing they are
grateful for.
" Draw slips from a grati-
tude jar and read them aloud,
so family members learn
what the author of the slip is
grateful for.
" Teach children the
importance of expressing
appreciation.
" Take a family grati-
tude walk, appreciating the
beauty of the natural world.
" Encourage random
acts of kindness, ensuring
that each act of kindness is
acknowledged by other fam-
ily members.
" Invite older children
to keep a gratitude journal,
writing down three things a
day (or every few days) for
which they are grateful.
Mitchell L. Luftig, Ph.D.
is a semi-retired clini-
cal psychologist living in
Sisters. He is the author of
the Kindle book, <Six Keys
to Mastering Chronic Low-
Grade Depression.= Visit
his website at: www.master
chronicdepression.com.
PROPERTY GUY:
Situation will
remain dynamic
Continued from page 12
trend that is supporting resi-
dential prices in Central
Oregon.
5. Rents, Renters and
Investors:
This shutdown has tossed
tens of thousands of people
across the economic spec-
trum out of work. Riots
are only going to make
this worse, as many of the
destroyed businesses and
jobs aren9t coming back. And
unfortunately, renters (who
trend toward the lower end of
the income scale) are taking
the brunt of it.
That said, most landlords
realize that mass evictions
for non-payment are self-
defeating. And most tenants
realize that not paying rent
and all but destroying their
credit and rental history is
equally self-defeating. So
most have reached some sort
of <pay what you can= sce-
nario and are dealing with
it. My advice to clients with
unemployed tenants has
been: <Be kind, be patient,
and be realistic.=
In short, we have a very
dynamic situation that is
impossible to predict. That
said, we have some strong
trends that should support
the Central Oregon market in
both the short and long-term.
But to answer the question
of: <When will this madness
be over?= Nobody knows,
only: <This too shall pass.=
Mike Zoormajian is prin-
cipal at WetDog Properties
in Sisters. Providing local
property management and
investor services. Questions,
comments to: letters@
wetdogpnw.com. Free legal
advice is worth what you pay
for it. Consult a real attorney
before doing anything crazy.
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