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Wednesday, May 13, 2020 The Nugget Newspaper, Sisters, Oregon
Commentary...
Manage suffering with self-compassion
By Mitchell Luftig
Columnist
The COVID-19 pan-
demic has upended our
lives, bringing in its wake
uncertainty about the future,
financial hardship, social
isolation, and it has frus-
trated our efforts to support
vulnerable loved-ones.
The pandemic has cre-
ated the ultimate double-
whammy: It poses both a
physical threat to our sur-
vival and a psychologi-
cal threat to our sense of
well-being.
The brain9s amygdala
responds identically to
physical and psychological
threats, preparing our body
to fight like a lion, flee like
a gazelle, or freeze in place
like a rabbit, responses more
effective against a physi-
cal threat than one which is
psychological in nature.
When we treat ourselves
with kindness, understand-
ing, and acceptance4that is
with self-compassion4we
have the greatest chance of
managing the painful emo-
tions that are triggered by
the pandemic and respond-
ing rationally to the chal-
lenges that face us.
For a variety of reasons,
individuals may have dif-
ficulty treating themselves
compassionately 4 they
think of self-compassion
as one big pity-party; they
believe that self-criticism
is the best way to motivate
themselves; they downplay
the extent to which they are
suffering (other people9s
suffering is so much greater
than mine!); or they may not
feel worthy of being treated
kindly.
Research shows that
individuals who treat them-
selves compassionately:
" Possess stable self-
esteem that isn9t dependent
on external validation.
" Recognize when
their efforts go badly, take
responsibility for their mis-
takes and learn from their
experience.
" Respond to a poor
evaluation with sympa-
thy for themselves and
self-comforting behaviors
rather than rumination and
self-criticism.
" Are less afraid of fail-
ure and rejection, better able
to accept and benefit from
feedback.
" Are better able to regu-
late their emotions.
High scores on a mea-
sure of self-compassion
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correlate with wisdom, per-
sonal initiative, happiness,
optimism, positive affect,
and coping.
Self-compassion is a
skill that can be learned. For
interested readers, Kristin
Neff and C h risto p h e r
Germer offer a series of
excellent guided exercises
in <The Mindful Self-
Compassion Workbook.=
Drs. Neff and Germer
have identified three
research-based prac-
tices to help us grow our
self-compassion:
Learn to treat ourselves
with kindness:
" We accept that our
suffering is real and just
as valid as the suffering of
others.
" When we are suffering,
we benefit from and deserve
compassionate treatment.
" We contemplate how
we have supported friends
when they were strug-
gling4what words did we
use, what tone of voice,
what body language?
" We imagine how we
might treat ourselves with
the same kindness and com-
passion that we demon-
strated to our friends when
they were struggling.
" How do we care for
ourselves physically, keep
our minds calm, manage
our stress and regulate our
emotions, connect with oth-
ers, and meet our spiritual
needs? Are there new strat-
egies we can practice that
will enable us to take better
care of ourselves? How can
we adopt our strategies to
meet the special demands of
the pandemic?
Recognize our common
humanity:
" The universe has not
singled us out to suffer; all
human beings suffer at one
time or another.
" Our suffering connects
us with other people who
suffer, helping us to realize
that we are not alone.
" Although we make mis-
takes, that, too, is part of the
human condition. We are all
a work in progress.
" As we learn to accept
that everyone has faults,
we become tolerant of the
less pleasing parts of our
personality.
Approach our suffering
mindfully:
We learn to focus on our
breathing&
" The breath provides
an anchor to the present
moment.
" We follow the breath
all the way through its
cycle (I9m breathing in; I9m
breathing out).
" We ask ourselves,
where do we feel the breath
most vividly?
" We notice when we
become distracted and
return our attention to the
breath.
We expand our focus
to include the body as a
whole4
" Working at a pace that
is comfortable for us, we
discover where in the body
we harbor painful emotions.
" If we become too anx-
ious during this process,
we return our focus to the
breath or take a break,
returning only when we are
ready.
" We learn to label pain-
ful emotions&
" This is the location
of my fear, my anger, my
depression, my anxiety; this
is how I experience it.
" We learn to turn
towards our emotional pain,
approaching it with curios-
ity, openness, and reflection.
" As we learn to accept,
rather than resist, the emo-
tional pain that surfaces dur-
ing self-compassion prac-
tice, we shrink the amount
of our suffering.
When the immediate
physical threat of COVID-
19 passes, the psychologi-
cal threat to our well-being
will linger, keeping the
body9s emergency response
system cranked up, depress-
ing our immune system.
Self-compassion resets the
amygdala, shutting off the
alarm bells so that we can
move towards calm.
Additional Resources: A
test to measure your level
of self-compassion, along
with self-compassion exer-
cises and guided meditation
are available at www.self-
compassion.org.
Mitchell L. Luftig, Ph.D.
is a semi-retired clini-
cal psychologist living in
Sisters, Oregon. He is the
author of the Kindle book,
Six Keys to Mastering
C h ro n i c L o w - G r a d e
Depression. You can visit
his website at: www.master-
chronicdepression.com.
Excellence With Compassion
When You Need It Most
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RACE: Sisters-area
runners trained
for months
Continued from page 3
The other ladies had signed
up to do the half marathon
(13.11 miles) and they were
going to either run it or walk/
run. My mom ultimately
decided to run/walk the half
marathon.=
Neither mom nor daugh-
ter have ever done a half
marathon.
Sarah went on to say that
when she was in her 20s, she
participated in several sprint
triathlons, a 0.5-mile swim,
12.4-mile bike ride, and a
3.1-mile run.
She added, <We9ve had
family in the Sisters area
for a long time. My grand-
parents lived here, and my
parents have lived in Sisters
off and on for years. I retired
from my job in law enforce-
ment in Reno in 2018 and
knew I wanted to live here,
so I relocated to Sisters last
year.=
Silvey was the motivating
force behind the training.
<Virginia was very sup-
portive and as a group we did
several training sessions,=
Sarah said. <Everyone runs
or walks at different speeds
so maintaining social dis-
tances was not difficult. We
tried to get together for train-
ing at least once a week for
the last 4 months. My mom
and I did several walks near
our homes, and I take Mabel
out almost every day on
walks near our home.=
The participants for the
race were: Pam Christ,
61; Sarah Griffin, 51, with
Mabel her dog; Marna
Griffin, 75; Joan Blancett,
63; Heidi Franz-Tremblay,
54; Sara Euser, 65; Anna
Blumenkron, 62; and
Virginia Silvey, 71.
The non-runners who
helped out with their own
creative talents were Susan
Wilson who crafted the win-
ning medals for everyone.
Patti Piper was their fin-
ish line official, along with
Miki McFadden, and Debbie
Barns took the finish-line
photos.
Susan Wilson and Peg
Luken rode their bikes
checking on the runners and
providing moral support
throughout the race.
Silvey added, <The
Avenue of the Giants
Marathon, Half Marathon
& 10K will be happening in
October and we are continu-
ing the training.=
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